Being told to smile at work

[SmileSmiley]

I have worked as a solicitor since 2008. I work in house for a local authority and generally love my job.

I went to a meeting yesterday and the first thing my client told me was to smile. He then told me that he’d been to a meeting the week before with an external solicitor who greeted him with a ‘lovely big smile’. He then asked why I couldn’t be the same.

I was too shocked to respond. I work in a team with my DP who is also a solicitor - this client has never told him to smile or compared him to a male solicitor.

I have a resting sad face and even when I smile I don’t look particularly happy. However, I am fed up of how I look being deemed to be relevant to how I do my job.

I want to raise this with the client but I know he is going to brush me off as being over sensitive. Should I just leave it this time and have a snappy response prepared for the next time?

*In private - it swings both ways. I’ve been with women talking about men in a derogatory way and I’ve been called “love” etc by men and aware of men talking about women in a derogatory way.
Private sector. The massive majority accept its half a dozen of one eland the other and get on with work.

Whereas I suspect in public sector (never worked, thank goodness), a lot more navel gazing and tick boxing and well, taking offence in order to get signed off!*

What a load of guff.

You can't extrapolate your career to every other company.

Of course private sector companies address sexism in the workplace.

You just sound like one of those self congratulatory types who thinks because nothing bad has happened to them, people who have experienced negative behaviours from others must be to blame themselves.

It's nauseating. They love coming onto these threads to preach about their career.

And to slag off the public sector. I'm sure you'd be grateful for the public sector when you need the police, fire service or NHS to help you.

OP you're right. This poster is on a wind up. I wish MN had an ignore particular posters function.

there are a billion ways to make conversation. They're British, FFS, what about "blimey, this weather?"

Indeed. Usually I say something profound like “ Shame about this weather” or “ Nice to see the sun again after the last few days of rain “.

It never occurred to me to look around the room for a black colleague and say “ The last black person I dealt with was much more smiley than you. You need to smile more - that’s what white people like “ .

I think that would be easily identifiable as racism. I wonder why misogyny is so much harder to spot - indeed it has pages of comments explaining it away or even justifying it.

I think brutal honesty can do wonders in these situations e.g.
"you maybe don't know this but I get really uncomfortable when men comment on my body" while maintaining eye contact.

Your face is part of your body, so it's just as intrusive as talking about your legs or whatever.

Some people need the obvious pointing out for them.