Being told to smile at work

[SmileSmiley]

I have worked as a solicitor since 2008. I work in house for a local authority and generally love my job.

I went to a meeting yesterday and the first thing my client told me was to smile. He then told me that he’d been to a meeting the week before with an external solicitor who greeted him with a ‘lovely big smile’. He then asked why I couldn’t be the same.

I was too shocked to respond. I work in a team with my DP who is also a solicitor - this client has never told him to smile or compared him to a male solicitor.

I have a resting sad face and even when I smile I don’t look particularly happy. However, I am fed up of how I look being deemed to be relevant to how I do my job.

I want to raise this with the client but I know he is going to brush me off as being over sensitive. Should I just leave it this time and have a snappy response prepared for the next time?

@SoniaFouler

I sort of agree with you except

I have a resting sad face and even when I smile I don’t look particularly happy. However, I am fed up of how I look being deemed to be relevant to how I do my job.

It is relevant to how you do (some) jobs. A smile goes a long way, especially in client meetings. Not a big beaming and fake smile but if someone is sitting there looking sad it might give a wrong impression, especially if they are quiet too

Sorry, but just no

This stuff really pisses me off, no way would he have said that to a male colleague. A utility workman said 'smile love' to me recently. I didn't have time to call him out as I was running late which is probably why I wasn't grinning in the first time. Sexist shit.

I think (if I was feeling sufficiently grumpy) if he pulled another 'external solicitor is nicer than you' line I'd say they're probably charging extra for that...

@Beamur

I think (if I was feeling sufficiently grumpy) if he pulled another 'external solicitor is nicer than you' line I'd say they're probably charging extra for that...

Ugh I hate that, has a man ever been told to smile by another man (or woman) I doubt it. It's so sexist

"He then told me that he’d been to a meeting the week before with an external solicitor who greeted him with a ‘lovely big smile’. He then asked why I couldn’t be the same."

I'd ask if the solicitor was male or female.

"You have insufficiently performed femininity for me; do better next time". Ugh.

Thinking of changing my name to RestingMurderousFace.

Yesterday I got a teams message from a colleague saying 'good girl' 🙄

@DaisyNGO

"He then told me that he’d been to a meeting the week before with an external solicitor who greeted him with a ‘lovely big smile’. He then asked why I couldn’t be the same."

I'd ask if the solicitor was male or female.

Yes, perfect response actually

@dollybird

Yesterday I got a teams message from a colleague saying 'good girl' 🙄

I hope you replied - I'm not a Labrador, please don't say that to me again.

I did. Shocked the whole room.

These days I'd slip a piece of paper over the desk and ask for him to put the request to smile in writing.

Fuming on your behalf, this is the sort of shit I had to put up with when I was working behind a bar in my early 20s. Who on earth has a resting smiley face? It would make the person look deranged.

What a prick that man is, I feel sorry for his female colleagues.

* However, I am fed up of how I look being deemed to be relevant to how I do my job. *

By one person op
Surely you don’t give a damn about one person

If he says it again you should reply I mentioned your advice to my partner. He is also a solicitor, he says thanks and he will make sure he tries to smile more at work too.

@jusdepamplemousse

Assuming your client is also employed by the same LA and not a connected org I would report to HR to be honest. Women put up with far too much of this shit in the workplace, you aren’t being oversensitive. It’s clearly a comment rooted in misogyny (even if this is denied..come on - not a hope he’d say this to a man). Fuck that noise, frankly.

Women put up with far too much of this shit in the workplace

We all know he wouldn’t have asked a man to smile it expected it. This type of man views women as playthings for his amusement.

The “but you should smile and be personable, op” comments aren’t helpful. I have a similar issue to the op - my resting face looks miserable and I was horrified to find a few years ago that when I think I’m smiling it often looks more like a grimace or smirk! The only thing that really works is an over the top grin or laughing. But a mild, polite, welcoming smile? My features just won’t do it.

It has made me very self-conscious and I spend a lot of time and energy on teams and zoom calls trying to compose my face into a pleasant and alert expression as opposed to my natural misery guts look or coming across as a grinning loon. It’s crap, and to be told I’m not being personable is adding insult to injury.

My face looks gloomy/cross in repose - my response to being told to smile is "who are you, the Face Police? " or to mention that a friend is critically ill.

Were you sat, waiting, staring into space? That's the only reason I can imagine he'd have said that. Maybe he was tactlessly trying to make conversation.

He wouldn't have if you were busy catching up on emails or the like.

That or polite chit chat make the mood much lighter than sitting with a resting bitch face.

I can't ever imagine a man being told to smile by a male client. Or by a female client, for that matter.

Covid masks on every time. They have their place for this kind of shit too.

In this particular circumstance something like

"your request to make me smile makes me feel very uncomfortable please can we change the subject"

should leave him suitably squirming.

@DaisyNGO

"He then told me that he’d been to a meeting the week before with an external solicitor who greeted him with a ‘lovely big smile’. He then asked why I couldn’t be the same."

I'd ask if the solicitor was male or female.

This is brilliant.

I have resting bitch face and have been told on occasions to smile, i simply say to them "I am smiling on the inside", it generally shuts them up as they cant think what to say back to me.

This is hilarious!!