How on earth does my DP know?

[CJCC]

I have several male friends, they are just friends, nothing sexual has ever happened between us and I dont see them being any different to a female friend. My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.
I speak to 2 of these friends regularly on fb, conversations are completely 'normal' we don't flirt etc we are genuinely just friends.

Here's the weird part, everytime I speak to one of these friends my DP always makes comment about have I been talking to my other boyfriends or making jokes about who have I been texting. He's always done this and I put it down to him just being a dick sometimes but its taken me a while to connect the fact that he always says these things when I have infact had a conversation with one of them and we dont speak daily, sometimes it's a month or 2 so it can't just be luck. It's honestly like he knows but how could he unless he'd seen the messages?

I had a convo with one yesterday and my DP came home from work and made jokes about who have I been talking to and asking if I'd been talking to my other boyfriend and he couldn't have even looked at my phone so is he just bloody psychic!?

About a year ago some man I wasn't even friends with messaged me and it went into message requests so I didn't even see it. DP had a go at me for messaging other men and I was massively confused as I hadn't even seen the message. When I saw it and figured out what he meant I asked if he'd been looking at my fb from my iPad and he denied it, but I'd had my phone with me so it was the only way he could have seen. I deleted fb from my iPad after that so the only way he could access it is my phone now.

Do you think something is going on or am I crazy??

@rwalker and @Slink01 there's a reason no one needs men commenting about this. You know the inside of your own heads. And that's it. Most women, particularly older women, have met a LOT of men like OP's partner. Creepy, stalker men who tend not to do it in front of their male counterparts. They save it all up for us. In fact they actively lie to you. And pretend they are justified and right.

When these men have entered our lives, we sometimes hear, "he's a good bloke" or "not him". He's not and yes him. Maybe listen to women and believe what they're saying, rather than minimising what could be a red flag for very very dangerous stuff.

@MrsTerryPratchett Totally agree.

Women get to see far more of men's bad behaviour than other men do.

@CJCC

I am not secretive at all when it comes to messaging these friends, I have sat on the couch next to him and had text conversations while he has made comments on me 'texting my other boyfriends'. I don't see them often, well one not at all in years as he lives a fair distance away now so we catch up over messaging. The other I see now and again as we are both busy people, but we do meet in the days usually, when I'm not working (part time) and he is off (works shifts) so DP is yet to meet him but my ex met him and never had any issues. I'm certainly not secretive and I dont hide anything.

Yeah, I had a partner just like this OP. HAD, now ex. The constant digs, with entirely innocent friendships where there was never any wrong doing. It was simply because these friends were male, and he was inherently insecure, jealous, paranoid, possessive etc. He installed spyware on my laptop, a key stroke logger. Now I wouldn't tolerate even the merest hint of these issues in a partner. Whether or not he's spying on you (he quite obviously is as well), you have a problem.

[quote MrsTerryPratchett]**@rwalker* and @Slink01* there's a reason no one needs men commenting about this. You know the inside of your own heads. And that's it. Most women, particularly older women, have met a LOT of men like OP's partner. Creepy, stalker men who tend not to do it in front of their male counterparts. They save it all up for us. In fact they actively lie to you. And pretend they are justified and right.

When these men have entered our lives, we sometimes hear, "he's a good bloke" or "not him". He's not and yes him. Maybe listen to women and believe what they're saying, rather than minimising what could be a red flag for very very dangerous stuff.[/quote]
So let me get this straight, I actively agree that the man is acting completely out of order, I say it is absolutely OK for the OP to have male friends, I state that he needs to sort his shit out or the OP needs to leave before this gets worse and your reply is I shouldn't be commenting because I am a man and I don't see men behaving in a completely unacceptable way.

Did you even bother to read my reply or did you just see that I am male and automatically discriminate against me. Go have a word with yourself. I was framing this from the male viewpoint of it is absolutely not ok to kick off because your female partner has male friends and all of my male friends would completely agree that this isn't acceptable behaviour!

Wow, Just wow, I give the viewpoint of a man, agreeing with the OP that this is not normal at all and you accuse me of mansplaining, what a pathetic person you are. You wonder why so many men do not engage in serious conversations such as this and this is why. As soon as you see its a man you discriminate against us an make accusations that we are somehow "mansplaining" whilst completely failing to acknowledge your own unconscious bias. If I had said the exact same thing but not added the I'm male you would probably have agreed with me. Just shows the level of hypocrisy on MN nowadays.

@Slink01 you're on to a loser on this site, doesn't matter how you frame it some posters will call it mansplaining. The casual misandry on MN is making it quite a toxic place to be. I have a masculine user name and some of the stuff that's been said to me in the assumption I'm a man is pretty shit.

If the browser on your tablet has remembered your fb password, all he has to do is open fb in the browser, it will log him in. He doesn't need the fb app or the messenger app.
Change your passwords!
But he will eventually ask you why you've done that.

Are men not allowed to give an opinion on here these days?!

[quote KurtWilde]@Slink01 you're on to a loser on this site, doesn't matter how you frame it some posters will call it mansplaining. The casual misandry on MN is making it quite a toxic place to be. I have a masculine user name and some of the stuff that's been said to me in the assumption I'm a man is pretty shit. [/quote]
Yeah I haven't been on in a while and came back to see if things had changed because I had grown tired of being attacked on here for being male, my intention was purely to show that even as a man I would never agree that the OPs partner is justified here and that of course the OP is not being unreasonable, but I have the wrong genitalia so obviously I'm evil and can't possibly be allowed an opinion on a public forum (jokes) I know that not all MNers are like this though and the majority have always been more than lovely and knowledgeable.

It's terrible people have discounted your comments and opinions purely because they assume you are male, I think all opinions are valid regardless of any protected characteristic anyone may have.

Anyway I think I'll bugger off back to DadAF as its not quite as hostile over there regardless of what is between your legs.

@PinkiOcelot

Are men not allowed to give an opinion on here these days?!

Apparently not, it's OK though I know it's the minority of people who ruin this forum. Most people I've come across on here have always been lovely even if we disagreed on something. Just a few bad apples

Men are welcome on here! It's for everyone.

And there's a shit ton of great men on here.

You're not one of them.

@TaraR2020

I think you need to change your passwords!

Or your DP!

He's logged into your Facebook somewhere else I'd say

[quote MrsTerryPratchett]**@rwalker* and @Slink01* there's a reason no one needs men commenting about this. You know the inside of your own heads. And that's it. Most women, particularly older women, have met a LOT of men like OP's partner. Creepy, stalker men who tend not to do it in front of their male counterparts. They save it all up for us. In fact they actively lie to you. And pretend they are justified and right.

When these men have entered our lives, we sometimes hear, "he's a good bloke" or "not him". He's not and yes him. Maybe listen to women and believe what they're saying, rather than minimising what could be a red flag for very very dangerous stuff.[/quote]
I've just re-read the relevant remarks, and I'm not seeing any minimising (or mansplaining) going on. Presumably all the other posters on the thread are women, but we don't know that because they haven't said.

To be honest I found the comments to be a valid contribution to the thread.

He’s not spying on you. He doesn’t have any spyware on your phone. FFS some posters on here have watched too much 007. There’s a much more obvious explanation - he’s logging into your Facebook account. All he needs for that is your email and your password. I log onto DH’s sometimes to spy on a couple of people who’ve blocked me 😳 I can be on it the same time he is. That’ll be what your DP is doing. Change your password.

@Slink01 I agree with @MrsTerryPratchett, you came on here with your opinions in a very patronising manner. It came across very obviously with your "as a man" stuff. Almost like you were giving us permission to have male friends...

There are men on here who "get it" in a way that you don't seem to. I'm happy to debate with them, even disagree with them, because they doon't use patronising language.

Meanwhile, back to the real issue. I feel OP is better off leaving her 'D'P, and wiping her devices, along with changing her passwords and logging out any other devices. Reading all her posts leaves me feeling uncomfortable on her behalf, and I don't feel it's safe for her.

A woman posts about her jealous stalkery partner and now it is all about how the poor men who post here aren't listened to enough? Like seriously. Posters have their arses handed to them constantly on MN - most of them are women. But this thread derails into ah poor men are not listened to and it is ruining the forum.

OP, get rid and check your devices for spyware.

A friend gave her old iPhone her (then) boyfriend and it synced the accounts. He was able to see her messages and even blocked some of her contacts. Why don't you ask a friend to message you something like "who was that guy earlier?" If he confronts you, you'll know he's spying on you.

[quote TurquoiseDragon]@Slink01 I agree with @MrsTerryPratchett, you came on here with your opinions in a very patronising manner. It came across very obviously with your "as a man" stuff. Almost like you were giving us permission to have male friends...

There are men on here who "get it" in a way that you don't seem to. I'm happy to debate with them, even disagree with them, because they doon't use patronising language.

Meanwhile, back to the real issue. I feel OP is better off leaving her 'D'P, and wiping her devices, along with changing her passwords and logging out any other devices. Reading all her posts leaves me feeling uncomfortable on her behalf, and I don't feel it's safe for her.[/quote]
There was literally nothing patronising about it, but you continue to spout your hateful assumptions about what the meaning of my post was, I'm sure you know my mind better than I do aye ? Idiot

Sounds like spyware, and changing your password may or may not lock him out. He's a bit controlling, if that is the case.

@Pallisers

A woman posts about her jealous stalkery partner and now it is all about how the poor men who post here aren't listened to enough? Like seriously. Posters have their arses handed to them constantly on MN - most of them are women. But this thread derails into ah poor men are not listened to and it is ruining the forum.

OP, get rid and check your devices for spyware.

Back to the real world and what happened was a man posted his opinion from a man's perspective and a sad minority of supposed femisits jumped on him for being a man, they were the ones who derailed the original topic not me. Only on mumsnet do you find this level of stupidity, self righteousness and discrimination. Back to DadAF for me I think, clearly MN is just for toxic man haters and irrational new wave feminists

Op it is clear I am not allowed to have an opinion due to my incorrect gender so I wish you all the best, please look after yourself and don't let this guy control you or continue to treat you badly.

@MrsTerryPratchett

Anyway I think I'll bugger off back to DadAF as its not quite as hostile over there regardless of what is between your legs.

Off you fuck then.

You see when a woman disagrees with you, you quickly get hostile. And blame men's total lack of giving a crap on women's anger. Because it's totes that way round. Men don't give a shit because women are mean to them? Yeah no. Men don't care because it doesn't affect them adversely and mostly they benefit from it. That's why so many men magically care when they have daughters. Because now they have skin in the game.

The issue I have, if you'd read my post, is that your opinion AS A MAN isn't actually important. We know this bloke is a creepy stalker. Muddying the water with 'protectiveness' (code for jealous possessiveness) isn't helpful. Telling the OP that in your MALE opinion it's OK to have male friends? We know that. Go tell men who don't get it. We get it.

And I just bet you think you're a 'nice guy' who 'gets it'. Right?

Well off I fuck then, you told me. Guess some women just can't handle a man possibly having an opinion on a "women issue". Toodaloo!