How on earth does my DP know?

[CJCC]

I have several male friends, they are just friends, nothing sexual has ever happened between us and I dont see them being any different to a female friend. My DP has always had an opinion on this, he thinks men who want to be friends with a woman are just biding their time to pounce basically.
I speak to 2 of these friends regularly on fb, conversations are completely 'normal' we don't flirt etc we are genuinely just friends.

Here's the weird part, everytime I speak to one of these friends my DP always makes comment about have I been talking to my other boyfriends or making jokes about who have I been texting. He's always done this and I put it down to him just being a dick sometimes but its taken me a while to connect the fact that he always says these things when I have infact had a conversation with one of them and we dont speak daily, sometimes it's a month or 2 so it can't just be luck. It's honestly like he knows but how could he unless he'd seen the messages?

I had a convo with one yesterday and my DP came home from work and made jokes about who have I been talking to and asking if I'd been talking to my other boyfriend and he couldn't have even looked at my phone so is he just bloody psychic!?

About a year ago some man I wasn't even friends with messaged me and it went into message requests so I didn't even see it. DP had a go at me for messaging other men and I was massively confused as I hadn't even seen the message. When I saw it and figured out what he meant I asked if he'd been looking at my fb from my iPad and he denied it, but I'd had my phone with me so it was the only way he could have seen. I deleted fb from my iPad after that so the only way he could access it is my phone now.

Do you think something is going on or am I crazy??

@rwalker are you by any chance also a man?

Urgh, what a creep. This is an absolute no no for me; I have absolutely nothing to hide in my life, I am an open book, but that would be an instant deal breaker. Have you checked your bedroom for hidden cameras?

He's spying on you.

There is no other reasonable explanation.

Spyware or cameras or logging into your accounts, but he's spying on you.

I'd dump him over this.

You've either accidentally linked your fb account to another device, he knows your password or he has spyware. The fact that he is checking up on you shows alarm bells for me

He's projecting. This is how he sees women. Only good for one thing, not fully people like men are - no point having a friendship with a woman unless he wants to fuck her. He can't even comprehend that other men don't all see women like this.

^This. He's just offensively ignorant, isn't he? If you asked him if men could be friends with a woman they find physically very unattractive I wonder what he'd say. Presumably either 'Oh yes, of course, they don't count ' or 'Why would they bother?'

I would be fuming if he was spying and that would be the end for me. But I daresay if you had posted from the pov of him talking to female friends the advice would be to snoop.

@etinoxaurus we have a joint tenancy and 1 child together.

He's spying on you in some way. Either by viewing your devices or by somehow logging into your accounts. Change your passwords and chat with your friends to see if he comments. If he does he's looking at your device.

I would try the theory out.
Have someone send you a flirty message on FB and see his reaction. Check it out really and see your DP reaction.

That will tell you everything.

Apart from that I’d change my phone and create new password/email address etc… and reassess the relationship if it turns out he IS spying on you.

He's spying on you (he may be spying on this thread) and it's a sign of control and possible abuse. This is not normal behaviour.

You don't need Facebook to read the messages. You deleted the Facebook app? Did you delete the messenger app?

Also he wouldn't need your phone. My husband is always on my Facebook but from his phone.

Trying to catch him out with flirty messages is such a bad idea. If I’d done this with my ex I’d have been beaten to a pulp - he would have seen it as justification .
We have no idea what this blokes temper is like so provoking him could be really dangerous for the Op .

I would try the theory out.Have someone send you a flirty message on FB and see his reaction

Don't do this.

@Louise5754 you make it sound so normal that your husband is on your Facebook.
How strange.

@Vapeyvapevape

Trying to catch him out with flirty messages is such a bad idea. If I’d done this with my ex I’d have been beaten to a pulp - he would have seen it as justification . We have no idea what this blokes temper is like so provoking him could be really dangerous for the Op .

I agree. He's already behaving like a stalker, and he doesn't care that she knows he's snooping. He's dangerous.

Red flags OP

He's definitely got access to your accounts. What a dick!!

[quote Staryflight445]@Louise5754 you make it sound so normal that your husband is on your Facebook.
How strange.[/quote]
I don't care. He doesn't have it and works all over the world and likes to keep up with friends / see photos of the kids.

Even weirder. Takes minutes to make an account and doesn’t take long at all to add people as a friend.
There’s literally no excuse to normalise such toxic behaviour @Louise5754

@Staryflight445

Even weirder. Takes minutes to make an account and doesn’t take long at all to add people as a friend. There’s literally no excuse to normalise such toxic behaviour *@Louise5754*

He isn't allowed a Facebook account. It's not weird I don't even use messenger.

@lazylinguist

He's projecting. This is how he sees women. Only good for one thing, not fully people like men are - no point having a friendship with a woman unless he wants to fuck her. He can't even comprehend that other men don't all see women like this.

^This. He's just offensively ignorant, isn't he? If you asked him if men could be friends with a woman they find physically very unattractive I wonder what he'd say. Presumably either 'Oh yes, of course, they don't count ' or 'Why would they bother?'

Absolutely this.

I thought you can see messages even on the Facebook app on a tablet without actually having the messenger app, I'm not sure if that's still correct but it might be how he sees the messages

I am not secretive at all when it comes to messaging these friends, I have sat on the couch next to him and had text conversations while he has made comments on me 'texting my other boyfriends'. I don't see them often, well one not at all in years as he lives a fair distance away now so we catch up over messaging. The other I see now and again as we are both busy people, but we do meet in the days usually, when I'm not working (part time) and he is off (works shifts) so DP is yet to meet him but my ex met him and never had any issues. I'm certainly not secretive and I dont hide anything.

@thetittifer I didn't think you could as when I try to click on messages it comes up with install messenger. But I did just click on install and it logged me straight in, so he could easily be doing that every night and had access to all my messages.

i would be reevaluating my relationship i'm afraid! the constant references to 'other boyfriends' is ridiculous....lifes too short,'d be off!