Alice Evans on Lorraine

[Creamcrackersandricecakes]

This poor woman is clearly in the middle of the most horrendous breakdown - who the fuck thought this interview was a good idea?

Theres a middle ground between the dignified silence and the crazy psycho ex behaviours - both are extremes and neither help their personal cause or that of other women and children in these situations.

They are not the first or the last family to do through this trauma and it’s a shame that they don’t seem to have the grounding support of family and friends for comfort at this difficult time.

The narrative stance that @EsmaCannonball has drawn will have more reach, traction and benefit if delivered in an assertive, considered and coherent way - which is not possible when that person is in a state of emotional distress.

This is a fragile and vulnerable family - lots of people being hurt here.

To be fair to AE, her initial complaints (haven't seen Lorraine or any of her latest tweets) was not that the marriage had ended, but that after twenty years or so, he didn't have the decency to be honest with her about it and told her it was her fault that the relationship had come to am end, without allegedly mentioning his alleged mistress.

Even if that is how it happened, the mistress is a moot point. Some people will cheat because it's an opportunity for sex with a novel partner, but if you're leaving your relationship it was obviously not working in some respect, regardless of whether another person is waiting in the wings or not.

@BreadPita

To be fair to AE, her initial complaints (haven't seen Lorraine or any of her latest tweets) was not that the marriage had ended, but that after twenty years or so, he didn't have the decency to be honest with her about it and told her it was her fault that the relationship had come to am end, without allegedly mentioning his alleged mistress.

Even if that is how it happened, the mistress is a moot point. Some people will cheat because it's an opportunity for sex with a novel partner, but if you're leaving your relationship it was obviously not working in some respect, regardless of whether another person is waiting in the wings or not.

Yes and if there’s bad feeling involved (which there obviously is on both sides) why should he have to effectively clear it with her first?!

So many double standards out there. People are told time and time again on here that what their exes do / who they let the children meet during their own time is up to them - including meeting a new girlfriend/ boyfriend for the first time, but he’s not allowed to post a photo on social media without ringing his ex - who has been vile to him on social media - to effectively ask her permission first? Madness.

That's true @Muddybanks but I think he had been gone for a while before his new girlfriend surfaced. I don't think he actually left Alice for the new woman.

Anyway, now she knows he has someone else, so all is revealed and time to stop. What does she want? Has she actually said?

It really is an overpowering amount of anger and bitterness on display. I've been there-so have others in my life-and we've all been fucking angry and upset but Alice does seem to be taking it to another level. And for what. What is the aim? What does she want?

Poor women. Their break up is reminiscent of the early days of Betty Broderick's seperation/divorce. The gaslighting especially. Not suggesting that Alice would go as far (or even think it) as Betty did, not for one minute.

Alice has my sympathy.

Anyway, now she knows he has someone else, so all is revealed and time to stop. What does she want? Has she actually said?

I think she just wants him to apologise and act like he cares about her, but he won't because he likely doesn't really any more.

She just seems to be acting out of utter disbelief that their relationship is over after so many years, and he won't even talk to her, he's in another country so she can't see him. I'm sure she feels like she's in a bad dream.

I reckon she's probably in that phase where she's thinking "If I could just speak to him, if I could just see him, I could make him see the error of his ways and that he still loves me"...but it never works that way.

I'm just watching it now.

The poor woman. Whether it's 'right' or 'wrong' her doing the interview or posting about her marriage breakdown on SM, she is clearly in a bad place.

I went through similar with my ex husband and I chose not to put anything on SM and to keep things relatively private but I am not a famous actress, married to a famous actor. I know that pain though.

I think, sadly, that her ex and his g/f will be laughing at her behaviour., while she is saying she "can't understand" why he won't talk to her.

She has my sympathy too but she needs to see forward and accept he is not coming back. It is painful to see someone their heart and distress into a public entertainment.

I would advise her to ignore him, don't mention him, let him be beneath her notice. He is the past.

I agree, @LittleMysSister.

I think we're all guilty of thinking, 'if I could just see him..' like poor Katherine Howard and Anne Boleyn-both thinking that if they could see that turd on a stick-Henry V111, they could make him love then again or at least make him stop their beheadings!

It never ever works.

That's true @Muddybanks but I think he had been gone for a while before his new girlfriend surfaced. I don't think he actually left Alice for the new woman.

I think that is the point that Alice is disputing.

And all these posts throughout the thread saying "what is the point?" and "what does she want?" are applying rational thought processes to a situation that involves profound hurt, humiliation and distress on her part. She is not thinking logically. She wants to be heard. She wants everyone to know that she has allegedly been deceived. She wants people to hear her side of the story. What is so hard to understand about that?

We've all heard it now so why keep doing it?

If her aim is to get him back. He's not coming back

If she wants his new girlfriend to be vilified. That won't happen. it may have the opposite effect.

If she wants to shame him. He won't be shamed. It's probably enabling him to think he did the right thing.

If she wants them to split up. They may but it won't be because of Alice.

When the circus moves on, she will be left as a noisy Miss Haversham beating a drum in an empty room and who will that help? No-one.

Reading Alice’s tweets she seems to be saying that because she is still married to him the other woman is the “mistress” - whereas most people would consider that not to be the case nowadays as once you separate / tell the other person you don’t want to be with them anymore that’s the end of it, the divorce is a formality. So on that basis it’s hard to work out what’s what- she would say the girlfriend is a mistress / he was committing adultery regardless of whether it was before or after he told her he wanted to separate.

He told her he didn't love her in August 2020 and got a new girlfriend in October 2021.

She hasn't been blindsided by him leaving her, she's known for over a year he doesn't love her anymore. She's being pretty venomous on Twitter about him, his girlfriend and his family.
Absolutely ridiculous it's considered television interview worthy imo.

@Muddybanks I don't think people are struggling to understand why she's doing what she's doing, it's clear she's massively hurt and struggling, but more arguing that it's a bad idea and ultimately making things worse for her children, and potentially herself too.

If she keeps pushing, Ioan could eventually end up accepting a media request himself which would enrage her even more and leave her arguing into the void about what he's said.

No one would expect her not to vent but most do that to their own friends and family, rather than to literally everyone they meet, which is effectively what she's doing with all of these media/social media things.

Yes and if there’s bad feeling involved (which there obviously is on both sides) why should he have to effectively clear it with her first?!

So many double standards out there. People are told time and time again on here that what their exes do / who they let the children meet during their own time is up to them - including meeting a new girlfriend/ boyfriend for the first time, but he’s not allowed to post a photo on social media without ringing his ex - who has been vile to him on social media - to effectively ask her permission first? Madness.

The majority of posts on Mumsnet that I have seen over the years that relate to this sort of situation, actually seem to veer on the side of admonishing posters for moving in too quickly with the new partner especially when it involves DC.

And it's not just a case of clearing the photo with her is it, although that would have been decent of him in the circumstances - she may have been a little more prepared rather than blindsided - and her reaction may have been more measured. It's the fact that the new relationship was allegedly confirmed publicly by the photo and all that that (allegedly) implies.

I personally think it is inhuman and cruel to be married to someone for twenty years with whom you share DC, and then not to speak to them properly if you feel the relationship is no longer sustainable on your part. Especially if your DP or spouse has an entirely different view of things and is perhaps hoping for a reconciliation. Again, just to be clear, we do not know the exact circumstances of what happened in this particular instance but that is what AE has alleged , we do not know if it is true or not.

I personally think it is inhuman and cruel to be married to someone for twenty years with whom you share DC, and then not to speak to them properly if you feel the relationship is no longer sustainable on your part.

Looking at her behaviour at the moment, do you honestly think she is capable of a civil conversation regarding child maintenance etc?

She also liked a tweet suggesting she seriously injure him, and posted laughing emojis.

If the sexes were reversed everyone on here would be telling her to only contact him through a lawyer.

If I were a betting woman I would say he tried talking to her but it probably got him nowhere and she simply wouldn’t accept what he was saying. By saying he ‘isn’t speaking to her’ I think she means he wasn’t ‘telling her what she wanted to hear’ and has now stopped due to the abuse.

@EsmaCannonball

100% agree. Excellent post.

[quote LittleMysSister]@Muddybanks I don't think people are struggling to understand why she's doing what she's doing, it's clear she's massively hurt and struggling, but more arguing that it's a bad idea and ultimately making things worse for her children, and potentially herself too.

If she keeps pushing, Ioan could eventually end up accepting a media request himself which would enrage her even more and leave her arguing into the void about what he's said.

No one would expect her not to vent but most do that to their own friends and family, rather than to literally everyone they meet, which is effectively what she's doing with all of these media/social media things.[/quote]
I do see that and agree with a lot of it LittleMysSister.

I think she is bridling at the injustice of this sort of (alleged) situation where basically the man "gets away with it" with his reputation intact, even when he (allegedly) hasn't behaved well (it's usually the bloke) when the woman remains silent & dignified.

One way of looking at it is that AE has been brave enough to sacrifice her dignity in order to call him out for his (alleged) wrong-doings.

Looking at her behaviour at the moment, do you honestly think she is capable of a civil conversation regarding child maintenance etc?

She also liked a tweet suggesting she seriously injure him, and posted laughing emojis.

If the sexes were reversed everyone on here would be telling her to only contact him through a lawyer.

If I were a betting woman I would say he tried talking to her but it probably got him nowhere and she simply wouldn’t accept what he was saying. By saying he ‘isn’t speaking to her’ I think she means he wasn’t ‘telling her what she wanted to hear’ and has now stopped due to the abuse.

No obviously it's too late for discussions now as everything is too acrimonious and the press are involved. The time to talk would have been much much earlier, preferably before posting a photo smiling with your new partner with a caption that seemed imho gratuitously cruel.

He may well have tried to talk before now, they may have talked and she couldn't accept what he was saying, or he may not have talked to her at all. None of us know for sure!

@Bagelsandbrie

Reading Alice’s tweets she seems to be saying that because she is still married to him the other woman is the “mistress” - whereas most people would consider that not to be the case nowadays as once you separate / tell the other person you don’t want to be with them anymore that’s the end of it, the divorce is a formality. So on that basis it’s hard to work out what’s what- she would say the girlfriend is a mistress / he was committing adultery regardless of whether it was before or after he told her he wanted to separate.

Well tbf it's legally adultery if you're still married. You can still petition for divorce on the grounds of adultery if your spouse has sex with someone else even if you're separated. And the dictionary definition of a mistress is a woman having a sexual relationship with a married man. I think most people would draw a significant moral distinction between starting a sexual relationship a year after separation and starting one while the romantic relationship with the spouse is still ongoing, but she's not alone in thinking those terms have application in her situation. I do think 'mistress' in that context is very outdated, and shock horror there is no equivalent term for a man doing the same thing. Adultery though is a legal term too.

@Muddybanks I completely agree about her bridling with the injustice of it all. She has every right to be devastated and want to slate him to those around her.

But as for being brave enough to sacrifice her dignity to call him out....this man is not even a particularly famous actor, quite honestly I don't think many would have even been able to put a name to his face prior to this situation bringing such attention to him. It's not like lots of people idolise him or buy merchandise featuring him because of a persona they buy into so she's trying to smash that lie.

He's just a minor actor who's ended his marriage and it seems like Alice is just trying to make that as hard and painful as possible for him, but not thinking of the possible consequences on others, including their children.

It reminds me of that poem 'Advice to a Discarded Lover' by Fleur Adcock, which compares the end of a relationship to a dead bird. Pity only lasts for a short while immediately after the death, before being replaced by revulsion and cringing when it starts to rot. I feel like Alice has long past the stage of pity and has reached a point where it's been uncomfortable for a while now and is making her look unhinged.

@LivesinLondon2000

Also 100% agree with *@EsmaCannonball*

And for those saying what about her children seeing her posts on social media, Ioan is the one who put up the Instagram post with the new girlfriend with that ‘thanks for making me smile again’ caption 🤢
He’s hardly blameless is he

This

a while now and is making her look unhinged

A breakdown of a 20 year relationship out of the blue is bound to feel disorienting. Calling her 'unhinged' is actually pretty brutal. Her mental state is obviously quite fragile and comments like this are unhelpful.

@wolfstarling I am not calling her unhinged, but saying that her behaviour in sharing everything publicly - which has now been going on for months and is getting more and more high profile - is making her look that way.

She is achieving the opposite of what she likely wants - to make Ioan look bad - by keeping this going. All that will happen is people will start to wonder whether this is what she was always like.

We’ve got a whole thread about how undignified it is for her to speak about it, and God forbid be angry and upset that her husband of 20 years is a disgusting and pathetic cliche.

Where’s the thread calling him out for posting a picture of him and his mistress saying “thanks for making me smile again”? I’m proud of her for not putting up and shutting up, and I think she came across really well. She’s heartbroken and he’s being a nasty fucker in their divorce, and good for her for refusing to be silenced