Alice Evans on Lorraine

[Creamcrackersandricecakes]

This poor woman is clearly in the middle of the most horrendous breakdown - who the fuck thought this interview was a good idea?

Surely the point is that nobody expects dignified silence from either party in the normal, non celebrity sense. She can weep, wail, cut his ties in half, get drunk etc with her friends and family as a million angry and hurt women have before her.

But because he's famous, she's entitled to a vast army of internet huns who have nothing to lose by egging her on in her destructive spiral or else it's 'silencing'?

That's ridiculous.

Why should there be endless censure for ending a marriage? Are we living in olden times?

Also, why the assumption him leaving and them divorcing is always bad for the kids

Fair point but why does ending a marriage and leaving DC (speaking very generally) very often seem to involve a younger, slimmer, woman? And society seems to say "good on him". Yet if a woman left her family to have a relationship with a younger more handsome man, the headlines would be "what a floozy".

And sorry it does deserve censure if the woman you are leaving has been the one at home looking after the DC while you travel and further your career. It's not exactly a decent way to behave is it? Again, speaking generally.

Again, he hasn't left his DC. He doesn't appear to have left for a 'younger model' - it appears that he left his marriage because he was unhappy. And, perhaps there was a discussion when they had their family about how they would care for their daughters and she decided she would like to be a stay at home mother supported by her husband (along with a full time nanny).

I don't think anyone WAS saying 'good on him' until perhaps Alice drew huge attention it.

My dad left my mum for a younger woman. Everyone thought he was an utter pillock. Now we feel sorry for his wife as he continues his unfaithful ways and has to look after him in old age.

There are lots of men who have actually done terrible things to women in Hollywood. I'm not sure a marriage breaking up and one party moving on counts as that, even if he is dating a younger person now (as are lots of older women in Hollywood who also use their fame to attract younger less powerful people).

I think for some women the fact he is now with someone younger than Alice is such a major crime it means he must have cheated and everything he does is wrong. It is something they simply can’t accept. It blinds them to everything else. Even rational thought,

Alice Evans was having an affair with her co-star whilst filming The Vampire Diaries. Not quite sure why she's playing the victim now.

@Bluntness100

I think for some women the fact he is now with someone younger than Alice is such a major crime it means he must have cheated and everything he does is wrong. It is something they simply can’t accept. It blinds them to everything else. Even rational thought,

It looks that way.

@EurghCobwebs

Alice Evans was having an affair with her co-star whilst filming The Vampire Diaries. Not quite sure why she's playing the victim now.

To be fair I don't think that has been substantiated either.

Agree if sexes were reversed this would be getting a very different look by people. Unfortunately it fits roughly into the narrative box of "man leaves doting wife for younger woman" but there are details being left out that put a very different slant on things.

@Muddybanks

Why should there be endless censure for ending a marriage? Are we living in olden times?

Also, why the assumption him leaving and them divorcing is always bad for the kids

Fair point but why does ending a marriage and leaving DC (speaking very generally) very often seem to involve a younger, slimmer, woman? And society seems to say "good on him". Yet if a woman left her family to have a relationship with a younger more handsome man, the headlines would be "what a floozy".

And sorry it does deserve censure if the woman you are leaving has been the one at home looking after the DC while you travel and further your career. It's not exactly a decent way to behave is it? Again, speaking generally.

So it would be fine if his new girlfriend were older and uglier? Relationships end. He is in a relationship with someone he finds attractive. I don't think he's evil for being a single man and possibly having different relationship considerations to the average woman of his age. Presumably Alice Evans had some choice in her decision to have children with him and take a step back in her career to spend more time with them.

@Muddybanks

Why should there be endless censure for ending a marriage? Are we living in olden times?

Also, why the assumption him leaving and them divorcing is always bad for the kids

Fair point but why does ending a marriage and leaving DC (speaking very generally) very often seem to involve a younger, slimmer, woman? And society seems to say "good on him". Yet if a woman left her family to have a relationship with a younger more handsome man, the headlines would be "what a floozy".

And sorry it does deserve censure if the woman you are leaving has been the one at home looking after the DC while you travel and further your career. It's not exactly a decent way to behave is it? Again, speaking generally.

Because men are more visual than women. They are more likely to be attracted to a younger woman than an older one 🤷🏼‍♀️ It’s very basic instinct. Most single men in their 40s would go for a woman in their 20s or 30s given the choice, it’s just most of them don’t have that choice. Ioan does as he is handsome and successful.

It’s unfair and upsetting and all the rest of it, but not something you can change.

I agree with Emma and believe more women should speak out.

My marriage ended due to DV and not infidelity but the concept is similar. We are expected to remain dignified for the sake of the children and men never get held to account - when the reality is speaking up protects children.

@Muddybanks

LittleMysSister I think we may have to agree to disagree on this because I think she has been brave! AE has admitted herself that she felt she was losing her mind so I don't think she would dispute the "unhinged" accusation although I would argue her feeling that way is more than understandable in the alleged circumstances.

As someone who looked after the DC while my DH travelled all the time, and whose career took a hit in the process, I feel nothing but sympathy for her. Doubly so if she was looking after DC virtually alone during the pandemic.

Again I realise this is her side of the narrative and that he has publicly said very little.

As for what he has done wrong posting that picture...come on...talk about rubbing salt in to the wounds! "Thank you for making me smile again" or something similar to that ..pass the sick bucket .it's calculated imho to be deliberately disrespectful to a twenty year marriage.

It was apparently his wife's job to make him smile and she failed miserably on that score. Why? Because she became older, put on weight? Stayed at home and worked pt while he travelled for his more glamorous career?

And yes I am projecting

Haha a little projection never hurts :)

I honestly do have sympathy for her, I'm sure she is hurting so much and I hope that she can push through and come out the other side to find happiness again.

But I just don't agree that (from the information we have) we can say that he's in the wrong and he deserves whatever she decides to do/say about him when ostensibly she is the one behaving far more poorly here.

People are excusing her pretty outrageous, publicly-demonstrated behaviour by blaming him for things that they have not seen and have no evidence of. Even in the email she chose to share publicly where he asks her not to get involved in his Facetime calls with their daughter his tone is level and matter-of-fact.

In the public domain, he has done nothing except post one picture of himself and his girlfriend almost a year after he filed for divorce. I wouldn't call that rubbing salt in the wound, but just living his life. He can't be expected to weigh up everything he does based on how his ex might react to it. As sad as it is for Alice, she is not his priority now and nothing she says or does will change that. The sooner she realises that, the sooner she will be able to start moving forward.

I think it IS a private matter or should be.

Alice Evans carrying on all over social media is not going to bring her husband back, it is only going to damage her children immensely and possibly her in the long term. It sure as hell is going to do anything to stop men from leaving their wives generally.

I am staunchly feminist but this is painful behaviour by AE and I can't fathom for one second why anyone encourages it.

As for what he has done wrong posting that picture...come on...talk about rubbing salt in to the wounds! "Thank you for making me smile again" or something similar to that ..pass the sick bucket .it's calculated imho to be deliberately disrespectful to a twenty year marriage.

Also, I read that caption as him smiling again after a shit break-up and potentially a constant barrage of abuse by his ex, rather than a dig at his marriage.

@LittleMysSister

As for what he has done wrong posting that picture...come on...talk about rubbing salt in to the wounds! "Thank you for making me smile again" or something similar to that ..pass the sick bucket .it's calculated imho to be deliberately disrespectful to a twenty year marriage.

Also, I read that caption as him smiling again after a shit break-up and potentially a constant barrage of abuse by his ex, rather than a dig at his marriage.

Me too.

As the child of parents who divorced I feel so so sorry for their daughters.
My DM really suffered when my Father left, and it became all about her and how she felt, how she was suffering and our father just stayed away and let us deal with it.
Even to this day I dont think they realised ( or particularly care) how much it affected us, that our family was ripped apart and all they were bothered about was themselves. That the bitterness and anger from our mum meant there was no way I could carry on a relationship with my dad, and he was so consumed with his new gf that he couldn't care less anyway.
That's all I can see when I see Alice mouthing off on twitter and now doing interviews. She doesn't care how her kids are feeling, she is so consumed with how she is being wronged, she only mentions her kids is when she says how she gave up her career to look after them, so now they are going to have this guilt hanging over them that maybe it's their fault their mum has no life.
I get she needs to get her anger out but she lives in LA for goodness sake! the place will be full of therapists, she needs to go and see one of them, and vent vent vent I get that, but I would have so much more pride about myself, I would never give my soon to be exH the satisfaction that I was still hung up on him, to the point I was stalking his whole life!!!
She also needs to take a look at her self she looks awful, she needs to lay off the booze, get herself a personal trainer and become the beautiful woman that she is underneath the mess she has become. That is the best revenge. Moving on with your life

I see her as someone waving a huge red flag for any potential future partners who will see her as a nightmare to be with. (That's if she wants a new partner in future)

@Bluntness100

I think for some women the fact he is now with someone younger than Alice is such a major crime it means he must have cheated and everything he does is wrong. It is something they simply can’t accept. It blinds them to everything else. Even rational thought,

How patronising. Some of us are still capable of rational thought thanks.

We don't know the particular circumstances of this case but lots of middle aged men do leave their long term marriages and start again with a younger woman.

There is no getting around the innate inequality that men can still have DC when they are 90 (theoretically) and women have a fertility cut off point and actually carry and nurse the babies which often has a detrimental affect on earnings, which in turn can impact negatively upon the financial and practical balance of power between a married couple.

According to the ONS, among full time employees the gender pay gap in April 2021 was 7.9% although thankfully the trend is downwards.

However, there remains a large difference in gender pay gap between employees aged 40 years and over and those aged below 40 years.

All of the above feeds in to "the cliché" of a man leaving an established marriage for a younger partner.

In summary, the odds are stacked against older women, and society does little to redress that imbalance of power. Change is slow. One might almost surmise that men enjoy the status quo. Certain individuals certainly profit from it.

I agree with you @PeacheyPeach. At this stage, Alice is potentially causing more damage and upset for their children than the actual split itself.

As you say, she has every right to vent but she should do it how everyone else does - to their mates or to a therapist, not to the world so her daughters can watch, not to mention all their school friends.

People also need to remember this social media behaviour is not new, she threatened suicide on twitter due to a spat with some random who then blocked her, people wer trying to talk her into not doing it, that was a couple of years before the marriage ended. She was apparently drunk at the time, tweeting she was on the whiskey

Her recent flowery hat video, which has been taken down, she looked and sounded drunk on too.

There’s also been rumours circulating long before it ended that the marriage was in real trouble that she abused him and publicly so. That he was stressed and crying a lot due to how she treated him,

Those rumours were circulating from witnesses long before th marriage ended, and quite frankly her behaviour on line is bullying and abusive too.

There is no doubt she’s falling apart , but anyone who thinks this is a simple he decided to dump her for a younger model is being very naive indeed.

@Bluntness100 so we should believe the rumours about her but not about him? I think your biases are showing.

I think @EsmaCannonball had it right with their post. This idea of keeping a dignified silence helps him not her. I also think he has played it very well - from what she has said his behaviour sounds cruel and manipulative- gaslighting her for months whilst something was going on. Women aren’t stupid - we can tell when something in a relationship isn’t right. I also don’t believe that many men would just walk away from a 20 year marriage without another party being involved (a marriage which for the most part seems to have been very happy). It’s amazing the number of men who have affairs, leave their (same age as them) wives for younger women and suddenly recast the whole marriage as deeply unhappy and abusive. It’s a really convenient reassessment.

It’s also alright all the posts about “what about the kids”, but did Ioan think about them when he took a job in Australia and stayed out there for months during lockdown? When he chose to walk away from the relationship and his family? The damage and the lasting impact of his actions really can’t be underestimated- I have friends male and female who went through this as kids and still struggle to maintain relationships in their forties.

I also hate all this “if the sexes were reversed” crap. Which completely ignores the deeply unequal reality of life. If the sexes were reversed people would be hugely concerned because between 1-3 women a week are killed by a current or former partner and the vast majority of family annihilators are men. By contrast, we have the old “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” thrown at any woman who points out she has been mistreated in a relationship. As pp above said, a woman who did what Ioan Grufford did would be hugely judged and criticised as selfish and totally irresponsible for abandoning their kids and their marriage. The ex husband would gain all the sympathy.

@Bluntness100

People also need to remember this social media behaviour is not new, she threatened suicide on twitter due to a spat with some random who then blocked her, people wer trying to talk her into not doing it, that was a couple of years before the marriage ended. She was apparently drunk at the time, tweeting she was on the whiskey

Her recent flowery hat video, which has been taken down, she looked and sounded drunk on too.

There’s also been rumours circulating long before it ended that the marriage was in real trouble that she abused him and publicly so. That he was stressed and crying a lot due to how she treated him,

Those rumours were circulating from witnesses long before th marriage ended, and quite frankly her behaviour on line is bullying and abusive too.

There is no doubt she’s falling apart , but anyone who thinks this is a simple he decided to dump her for a younger model is being very naive indeed.

That may well be the case. We don't know for sure.

Nowadays we are all meant to be understanding about mental health conditions but no one seems to be tolerant of the behaviour that goes along with them. So it's all "be kind" as long as the person concerned suffers mentally in a "dignified" and "discreet" way eg a way that doesn't cause anyone any bother!

AE is not denying that she has been distressed to the extent that she felt she was losing her mind at various points. She has been very open and brave about that. The fact that AE is allegedly/possibly a drinker or has threatened suicide in the past or has been impulsive, surely makes her more worthy of our sympathy - and support from her ex - not less?

My basic position though is that women are allowed to express their distress. Being dignified is over rated as it just makes things easier for blokes who cheat. Not saying that is the case for sure here btw! But that is the narrative in many cases we see on the relationships board on Mumsnet.

And there is nothing more likely to drive a woman mad than a man who, after a 20 year marriage, suddenly withdraws affection, refuses to discuss it, while the woman then goes through all sorts of agonies and torture about not being "good enough", and then "bingo" a younger woman appears along the line. Again I am speaking very generally!

And we all know that the outcomes from these situations is that the outlook is often much more bleak for the older woman who has been left, than for the man who goes on to start another family who still had options and sexual "currency*. Again, speaking very generally!

@Gohugatree

See, I don't get that vibe about Ioan Gruffud's at all. They've been separated for quite a while. Some of the stuff she's been posting on social media is very nasty. She's admitted to screaming at Ioan Gruffud's when he's been on face time with his daughters, refused to let him have access time with them, been incredibly derogatory about people - referring to IG's girlfriend as a 'ho' , and his mother as a 'narc' and using her children as an emotional crutch.

And, of course, we only have her version of events (which have changed several times). She has been deleting things she said on social media.

There are certainly many men in the media spotlight who haven't behaved well - discarding long term partners with whom they have families, for much younger women. And yes, women should be able to be open about their sense of loss and betrayal. But what Alice Evans is doing is off the scale. It will be harming her children, she is harming their relationship with their father and probably with herself. IG is allowed to leave his wife. Perhaps the photo of him with a new girlfriend was posted because the press had got hold of the story.

AE is controlling the narrative to a certain extent, portraying herself as the wronged party, but she is burning bridges all over the place, and ultimately, she will be the one who suffers the most from her behaviour.

Just came to say I totally agree with you.

IG is allowed to leave the marriage and as AE behaviour has so many red flags I wonder if he has wanted to do it for a long time but has been to scared of her reaction. Him leaving their home without any of his possessions doesn't scream an abuser to me.

@A580Hojas

I think it IS a private matter or should be.

Alice Evans carrying on all over social media is not going to bring her husband back, it is only going to damage her children immensely and possibly her in the long term. It sure as hell is going to do anything to stop men from leaving their wives generally.

I am staunchly feminist but this is painful behaviour by AE and I can't fathom for one second why anyone encourages it.

I agree.