Entitled male tradesmen.

[EmKayEm]

Ok.
Had an issue with electrics, kitchen keeps tripping out.
Called a couple of people to come and look at the issue and quote.
One came yesterday, gave me a price, agreed the job, and arranged to sort today. I sorted with work to WFH for the day, as can do stuff around the power being off for a couple of hours.

Last night the guy messages me -
''Um...just wondering...''
"???"
"Are you attached?"
"Why? Does that have anything to do with my kitchen?"

He leaves it a bit, then comes back with

"You can't possibly be single"

Then

"Hope this doesn't come across as creepy lol"

I ignored this. But he still went on. If I had had a bad experience in dating maybe he could change that. He is, of course, "a really nice guy".

I messaged back that my personal life was personal and I would rather keep this strictly professional.

This morning, due at 9am, messages me at 08:15 to say he can't come today due to another job.
I message back to ask when he can, he is a bit vague. I tell him not to to bother, I will contact someone else.
He then messages me to say he was only being nice, I should take it as a compliment etc.

WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH ENTITLED CHILDREN DEMANDING ATTENTION???

Ugh how creepy and childish OP. Although perhaps you've dodged a bullet not having him in the house after that!

I'm not sure some of them realise how even just making a nice comment comes across when you're letting them into what should be your safest space. I contacted a man to clean my oven recently. I'd used him before ages ago, no problem, but when he called me back on WhatsApp this time, he mentioned he liked my profile photo and it looked good. I'm sure he didn't mean it creepily but it did make me regret booking a time I'd be home alone. Luckily I had to cancel and I've rearranged for a day DP will be WFH. It does make me feel safer.

@changeornot

Personally, I would NOT report him on social media. At the end of the day what he did was socially clumsy and unprofessional but it was not a sackable offence. Posting on social media would result in him losing his entire livelihood.

Possibly for years. I get it- I would be annoyed as well- state to his boss- if you felt his behaviour was inappropriate.

Sorry, I would not pubically demand the sack of someone who made a clumsy mistake - it's entirely disproportionate to the situation.

I find the general culture of - one mistake- lose your entire livelihood.

It's mob culture and creates an unpleasant and divisive atmosphere online and has very real-life consequences.

You’re right, let’s just allow him to spend the rest of his professional life sending inappropriate messages to women who have hired him to do work in their homes, before cancelling the job at the last minute if he doesn’t get the reaction he’s hoping for. We wouldn’t want the poor bugger to suffer the consequences of his own actions now would we? That would be so unkind.

Fuckers like this deserve to lose their careers. That’s fine by me. More work for the decent ones.

Absolutely, men like this shouldn't be allowed access to a space where women are alone.

@SeenYourArse

I didn’t mean invent a bloody partner obviously I presumed by your hysterical outrage you had a partner already! So you could’ve just said ‘no thanks’ that simple if you’d been polite and not condescending as though of course you wouldn’t date a tradesman, then you wouldn’t have had this issue. Yes of course he’d ask a bloke out for a pint if he was attracted to h8m, that’s what normal people do if they see someone they might like as a partner they ask if they might feel the same! Not complicated really at all how else should people find a relationship?!!

‘Hysterical outrage’ ???

The only hysterical outrage I can see here is yours, because no-one is agreeing with you and your 1950’s outdated views on dating.

Why should the OP have to be the one who is polite and say ‘no, thanks’?

What if she was gay? Should she still be thanking him for giving her completely unwanted attention?

If the man was genuinely interested in a relationship, he’d have sussed out the situation whilst he carried a professional job and asked her afterwards in a polite manner. You know, like a normal person. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Instead, he thought he’d try it on and see if he can get a bit of cock action whilst he’s working at her home.

Vile misogynistic behaviour and people like you condone it.

Just Why?

Genuine question absolutely not intended to be goady - lots of posters are suggesting he should have gone to the OP's house and carried out the work first to "suss her out".

Is this not more predatory than making his feelings very clear?

Personally id be much more comfortable saying "actually you've made me feel quite uncomfortable - please don't come to my house, I'll find another tradesman" via text than I would doing that in person.

It would kind of make me laugh really, as you know that there are some types of blokes, who have stupid brains that don't work properly.Then they go around making stupid and inane comments to women, and think they are being a smartass and are desirable, ha ha.

@girlmom21

Genuine question absolutely not intended to be goady - lots of posters are suggesting he should have gone to the OP's house and carried out the work first to "suss her out".

Is this not more predatory than making his feelings very clear?

Personally id be much more comfortable saying "actually you've made me feel quite uncomfortable - please don't come to my house, I'll find another tradesman" via text than I would doing that in person.

'suss her out' can, out of context, sound a bit... well, suss , I grant you. But everyone on here, as far as I understand their posts, means it in the sense of seeing if she mentions a partner/how they get on/if she seems to like him etc. Which is not predatory, but the same as if you meet someone at a party or in an office or wherever, and you both 'suss out', in real time and in context, what you think the deal might be.

So not at all like his behaviour of messaging persistently even after she'd sent a mild warning message and then ignored his further ones.
I can't speak for everyone, but that's what I mean when I say 'predatory' here.

She just gave him crappy replies and was rude to him instead.

You mean she didn't answer a question that had bugger all to do with the only reason he had her contact details - the job she had hired him to do?

He asked her a personal question.

She shut that down.

He carried on.

Why on Earth you, and others, think she should have said anything else, given him any information about her private life, or made up something to put him off, is beyond me.

"That has nothing to do with the job I am hiring you to undertake" is the ONLY asnwer she needed give.

Though @EmKayEm I too would have let him go at that point. I am self employed, go into people's houses every day and have never asked a single one of them a question about themselves.

you could’ve just said ‘no thanks’

Why thank a man who was being a twat?

@IntermittentParps ah that's understandable. My thinking was if he's over-zealous (perhaps being a bit generous there now that I understand what you meant earlier!), and he doesn't 'get' the cues that suggest a woman isn't interested, like the OP's initial brush offs, he could end up being quite intimidating in person.

He seems quite a strange character either way so I'm glad he cancelled for OP's sake

And of course there was the joiner who came a couple of weeks ago to repair a broken stair and who directed all of his questions, comments about what he was doing, and all of his chitchat about" how lovely these old Georgian terraces are, they don't make 'em like they use to" to my daughter's visiting 19 year old boyfriend. And no, the boyfriend has no interest in architecture or woodwork, and was very confused. Still, any random male must have more authority over and interest in my home than I, the middle aged woman who bought and paid for it.

Ugh, brings back memories of crap car salesmen. I brought my brother with me, one time, because he is knowledgeable about cars.

However it was made 100% clear to the salesman that it was my money, and my car, to be.

He didn't get the sale, mostly because he addressed himself completely to THE MAN, despite our best attempts.

[quote girlmom21]@IntermittentParps ah that's understandable. My thinking was if he's over-zealous (perhaps being a bit generous there now that I understand what you meant earlier!), and he doesn't 'get' the cues that suggest a woman isn't interested, like the OP's initial brush offs, he could end up being quite intimidating in person.

He seems quite a strange character either way so I'm glad he cancelled for OP's sake [/quote]
Yes, I get what you mean – this specific individual could have been intimidating and predatory in person just as he was over messaging.
I meant more that someone who was NOT predatory wouldn't have sent those persistent messages in the first place and, if and when he did the work at the OP's house, would have 'sussed out' the vibe in the normal way that reasonable people do at e.g. parties or wherever.

I would have cancelled his job the minute he started personal/sexual remarks of that kind. NO WAY would I have let him in the house.

I think when traders start on the 'are you single?' questions, it's to see how much they can rip you off, with no other male around to challenge them. It's not worth the price of the job alone; they will try the sharp intake of breath didn't realise I'd have to do all this, too, or it'll never work and it'll only cost you an extra £300...pricks.

Just in response to @changeornot - supporting Palestine is not a mistake. I presume you referenced it in the context of some people do not support the rights of Palestinians.

@IntermittentParps
suss her out' can, out of context, sound a bit... well, suss grin, I grant you.

^But everyone on here, as far as I understand their posts, means it in the sense of seeing if she mentions a partner/how they get on/if she seems to like him etc.
Which is not predatory, but the same as if you meet someone at a party or in an office or wherever, and you both 'suss out', in real time and in context, what you think the deal might be^.

Thanks 'Parps - that's exactly what I meant by "suss out the relationship situation".

The fact that you still wanted him to come round after receiving those messages is really odd

If someone came round, did the job, got paid and THEN asked me out for a drink, I don't think I'd mind. A guy can ask once, nicely. But yeah, tradesmen in general seem unable to deal with single women. They give us the runaround, overcharge or treat us like idiots. I mean, I'm paying: you treat me with respect or do one.

tradesmen in general seem unable to deal with single women. They give us the runaround, overcharge or treat us like idiots.
I'm not single but DP (male) and I have had bad treatment from tradesmen in the past. Overcharging, shite work, not doing things then getting defensive about it, turning up late or not at all, not replying to messages...
I fucking hate tradespeople, actually.

@Iamanicepersonreally

The fact that you still wanted him to come round after receiving those messages is really odd

It's not that odd if the electrical issue is causing her problems considering you can't often get tradesman to come and do the work the next day - she'd be waiting weeks for most

It's not that odd if the electrical issue is causing her problems considering you can't often get tradesman to come and do the work the next day - she'd be waiting weeks for most
Yes, I thought this. It is a general problem with tradesmen, I find. Maybe that's why they often treat customers/potential customers badly; they always have more work than they need, so they don't need to make much effort to keep people sweet!

Only on Mumsnet is asking a woman out, seen as 'entitled!!!' 🙄😆

@Almostmenopausal

Only on Mumsnet is asking a woman out, seen as 'entitled!!!' 🙄😆

No, you mean asking out a woman when all she's asked HIM for is to do a professional job of work.

There are situations where it is appropriate to ask and situations where it is not.

I'm surprised anyone would not realise this.

@Almostmenopausal

Only on Mumsnet is asking a woman out, seen as 'entitled!!!' 🙄😆

Ridiculous comment. Any man would be welcome to ask me out (chance would be a fine thing!) But the way he did it was an immediate turn off for ant self respecting woman. "You can't possibly be single". Bitch please get a refund on whichever charm school you failed to graduate from.