Entitled male tradesmen.

[EmKayEm]

Ok.
Had an issue with electrics, kitchen keeps tripping out.
Called a couple of people to come and look at the issue and quote.
One came yesterday, gave me a price, agreed the job, and arranged to sort today. I sorted with work to WFH for the day, as can do stuff around the power being off for a couple of hours.

Last night the guy messages me -
''Um...just wondering...''
"???"
"Are you attached?"
"Why? Does that have anything to do with my kitchen?"

He leaves it a bit, then comes back with

"You can't possibly be single"

Then

"Hope this doesn't come across as creepy lol"

I ignored this. But he still went on. If I had had a bad experience in dating maybe he could change that. He is, of course, "a really nice guy".

I messaged back that my personal life was personal and I would rather keep this strictly professional.

This morning, due at 9am, messages me at 08:15 to say he can't come today due to another job.
I message back to ask when he can, he is a bit vague. I tell him not to to bother, I will contact someone else.
He then messages me to say he was only being nice, I should take it as a compliment etc.

WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH ENTITLED CHILDREN DEMANDING ATTENTION???

My Husband is an Electrian ( hope it wasnt him lol )
he told me he went to a women's house and they was a vibrator on her bed with hand cuffs haha

That would really annoy me. All our local tradesmen are on Google (and/or Facebook) and I think deep down most understand that would be a 1 star review for them so they keep it professional.

Can I just say I had an abusive upbringing and I have only had one boyfriend who trapped me in an emotionally abusive and and controlling relationship for 14 years.

So I dont like having men in the house full stop, I get anxiety, I also dont like opening the front door as I am alone most o the time and its just me and my son so I tend to like getting carded by delivery companies and just going to pick up my parcels at my leisure.

I have had a few workmen freak me out with their behavior most notably a gas engineer who demanded I leave the room and refused to do any work if I was standing there, he was very very rude.
and a guy who came to replace the frontdoor who was here for hours repeatedly asked me out and told me sob stories about his living conditions and didnt get the hint when I said I needed to go and get my kid from school he expected me to just go and leave him alone in my home, he was in my hallway for over 3 hours I had to phone my brother and get him to come round so I could pick my kid up.

but I have also had some very nice chatty workmen, whom put me at ease and I may have considered going for a drink with AFTER they did the job, but to text someone before they have been in your home to do their job is creepy AF, its hanging that in the air before they aree even in the door, in your vulnerable place, anyone with half a brain should know thats wrong, unless they really are a totally creepy scumbag.

@changeornot

It actually may result in him losing his entire livelihood. Many local formus- are read by the entire town, I think mine is read by 20,000 plus. And is the first port of call when searching for tradesmen.

I'm just fed up with the general culture prevalent on here but also on twitter, insta and facebook--- that if someone makes one mistake- there is always mob feedback braying for their sacking!
I've seen this just in the last week---these examples -braying for people to be sacked_
Because:
they have gender-critical views,
They support Palestine, voted Brexit etc...
Asked a colleague/customer out....
Made a minor error or a misjudgement at work
Examples include:

Cc'd to a few people that should have been bbc'd. No real or harmful data breach happened.
Parent- didn't like a teacher saying their child was a star pupil.
A Teacher accidentally swears in front of a secondary age child.

Mistakes are just not that important in the grand scheme of things.

All of this creates a horrid paranoid environment. Erodes workers rights, reduces trust in the community, stope genuine debate and understanding-and is giving more and more power to large media cooperations.
We're all pointing the finger-- and getting angry with each other over minor stuff- while the world is actually burning up!

i just feel like the whole thing doesn't engender any empathy!

Have we all become power-mad HR executives!

This man was displaying predatory behaviour and I have to wonder what might have happened had he been allowed into the OP's home.

I don't like and didn't vote for Brexit, but someone saying they did does not present a suggestion of personal danger. A man sending predatory messages, not backing down and being insulting and sulky very much does.Those analogies are poor.

This sort of stuff has never happened to me. Don't know whether to be relieved or concerned that there's something very wrong with me!

@changeornot

Personally, I would NOT report him on social media. At the end of the day what he did was socially clumsy and unprofessional but it was not a sackable offence. Posting on social media would result in him losing his entire livelihood.

Possibly for years. I get it- I would be annoyed as well- state to his boss- if you felt his behaviour was inappropriate.

Sorry, I would not pubically demand the sack of someone who made a clumsy mistake - it's entirely disproportionate to the situation.

I find the general culture of - one mistake- lose your entire livelihood.

It's mob culture and creates an unpleasant and divisive atmosphere online and has very real-life consequences.

You do know that if someone is self-employed there is no "boss" to report to, don't you? So he can't be sacked, unless he sacks himself!

He took a risk sending the creepy messages. The risk was that this would get out and he would have trashed his own reputation by his creepy fucker behaviour. His own fault.

changeornot
Male violence against women starts with lower level stuff, with ''I'm just being friendly' and with creepiness, and it isn't a mistake. Its something men shouldn't do.
They shouldn't do it if they want to work in your home, and they shouldn't do it if they want to keep their job.

As for you 'worse things are happening' comparison - I shouldn't have to be grateful that a workman isn't actually being violent.

Deffo creepy / annoying / stupid. At least come and do an amazing electrical job at a reasonable price before asking you out....

@changeornot

It actually may result in him losing his entire livelihood. Many local formus- are read by the entire town, I think mine is read by 20,000 plus. And is the first port of call when searching for tradesmen.

I'm just fed up with the general culture prevalent on here but also on twitter, insta and facebook--- that if someone makes one mistake- there is always mob feedback braying for their sacking!
I've seen this just in the last week---these examples -braying for people to be sacked_
Because:
they have gender-critical views,
They support Palestine, voted Brexit etc...
Asked a colleague/customer out....
Made a minor error or a misjudgement at work
Examples include:

Cc'd to a few people that should have been bbc'd. No real or harmful data breach happened.
Parent- didn't like a teacher saying their child was a star pupil.
A Teacher accidentally swears in front of a secondary age child.

Mistakes are just not that important in the grand scheme of things.

All of this creates a horrid paranoid environment. Erodes workers rights, reduces trust in the community, stope genuine debate and understanding-and is giving more and more power to large media cooperations.
We're all pointing the finger-- and getting angry with each other over minor stuff- while the world is actually burning up!

i just feel like the whole thing doesn't engender any empathy!

Have we all become power-mad HR executives!

It isn't "minor stuff" here. It is creepy and potentially threatening and stalkerish.

Palestine and Brexit are not relevant to this thread.

@Bluskyenonstop

I wouldn’t want someone like that inmyhouse! Unless you gave him some wrong messages when he came first…. I would cancel immediately.

What kind of wrong messages could she have given him?

Blimey, victim blaming is so ingrained.

If he'd waited until after the job, done it professionally and then sent a polite message asking OP out, it would have been okay.

He didn't do that, he made her uncomfortable by messaging before the job. He then made her even more uncomfortable by ignoring her boundaries.

It would have been quite clear to me if I'd messaged someone and they didn't respond to the 'are you attached' message that they weren't interested. He sent several other messages and then once he finally realised it wasn't going to get a positive response then refused to do the job.

Why are people trying to teach women to ignore their own boundaries and 'play nice' so as not to offend blokes who can't take no for an answer. This has to stop.

This predator needs to be stopped, he's a danger to women and should be named and shamed.

Surely it's fair enough to leave a review stating what happened, i.e. that he agreed to do the job, arranged a start day & then cancelled after sending repeated messages which were nothing to do with the job? I think most women would get the idea & not use him. But save all the messages as proof first.

@IntermittentParps
I agree his behaviour was crap- We can't know his real intention.

And I would be annoyed as well- and would call him out.

But I would not publically humiliate him on social media- as because he is self-employed- he would lose his business.

If you think that is a fair response- then fair enough.

Voting Brexit wasn't meant as an analogy- Just describing that I've seen all sorts of behaviours as being described on social media- as a reason to sack someone. It's the culture of cancel, shame, no mistakes allowed- that I'm against.

@MyrrAgain

Why did he ask beforehand?? Do the job and be professional. Then ask afterwards. By text. So you can say no if you want to and don't have to see him again.

Much more normal - people meet people they fancy through work stuff all the time.

I was thinking this.

Making sexual advances in a professional situation is not 'just a little mistake & if it costs someone their job then good.

Women of any age should be safe to hire a tradesman to work in their home without fear of being treated like they are hanging out on a street corner in a red light district with a sign saying "free".

[quote changeornot]@IntermittentParps
I agree his behaviour was crap- We can't know his real intention.

And I would be annoyed as well- and would call him out.

But I would not publically humiliate him on social media- as because he is self-employed- he would lose his business.

If you think that is a fair response- then fair enough.

Voting Brexit wasn't meant as an analogy- Just describing that I've seen all sorts of behaviours as being described on social media- as a reason to sack someone. It's the culture of cancel, shame, no mistakes allowed- that I'm against.[/quote]
Something like the message suggested by ifIwerenotanandroid isn't 'public humiliation', it would be a fair and true review. If he is prepared to behave like that in the course of his work then he should be prepared to accept a review of how he behaves as consequences. Live by the sword, die by the fucking sword.

I'm self-employed too and, while in my line of work I don't get 'reviewed' like tradespeople do, I know very well that the equivalent happens in that clients and potential clients talk about me/recommend me/probably sometimes don't recommend me.

We are not talking here about cancel culture (for reference, I have deep reservations about that). We're talking about an honest review of work/pre-work carried out. If an electrician had NOT been creepy to the OP, had come and done the job and then the electrics had blown again and a fault in his work had been found, she would have been justified in leaving a factual review saying so. That is not cancel culture, it's just peer review. And, as I say, if you're self-employed it is part of the deal.

@ifIwerenotanandroid

I agree in my opinion - if you wanted to give public feedback -This would be a fairer response- and would get the message to the tradesmen and customers. Then posting all over social media.
Writing a standard review-Didn't turn up to do the job. Felt his attitude was unprofessional etc..

Usually I just get the fuckers demanding I stop whatever I'm doing and make them a cup of tea.

I didn't like it when posters were encouraging the woman to ask her builder for a date because it could make him uncomfortable and it's not not nice or appropriate to hit on people who you know in a work capacity, especially if you are paying them or they have to be nice to you as part of their job (bosses hitting on juniors, diners and drinkers hitting on waiters and bar staff, customers asking out shop assistants, and of course tradespeople by their customers).

However- it is NOT the same as this situation. The woman asking out her builder risks just making him potentially uncomfortable, not scared. She doesn't know where he lives. It's not common for women to send threatening, insulting, or disgusting messages when they are turned down. Women rarely become violent and attack or even murder the men who reject them.

Can't believe some people are saying this is alright, it's fucking terrible behaviour

I even think contacting someone after is very dodgy territory. It's still an unprofessional use of that person's contact information that you only have access to owing to your professional position.

@Phobiaphobic

Usually I just get the fuckers demanding I stop whatever I'm doing and make them a cup of tea.

You should have seen the look on my last tradesman's face when I told him I had jasmine green tea or calming chamomile, or decaf coffee and oat milk if he fancied that instead 😹

@IntermittentParps
But if you are self-employed this is about Cancel culture. It doesn't just happen to JK Rowling.
I've been self-employed too. Fair enough if you've done a job they didn't like- or behaviour they didn't approve of that a colleague/ client may not recommend you- but that is a world of difference than that client trashing your name all over your Insta/linkedin/Twitter page- used to promote business. I agree if feedback -is given it should be on google review- and kept fair, and to the point.

@dworky

The worst is "you can't be single". Why not, must I go out with any person who shows an attraction to me?

@dworky it’s because men assume women can’t be single of their own choosing

[quote changeornot]@IntermittentParps
But if you are self-employed this is about Cancel culture. It doesn't just happen to JK Rowling.
I've been self-employed too. Fair enough if you've done a job they didn't like- or behaviour they didn't approve of that a colleague/ client may not recommend you- but that is a world of difference than that client trashing your name all over your Insta/linkedin/Twitter page- used to promote business. I agree if feedback -is given it should be on google review- and kept fair, and to the point.[/quote]
You seem to have misread or not understood what I've said. I have not advocated or defended 'trashing' anyone.
Here it is again:
I said, 'Something like the message suggested by ifIwerenotanandroid isn't 'public humiliation', it would be a fair and true review.' and talked about the OP 'leaving a factual review'.

Oddly, in another post you cite and agree with ifIwerenotanandroid just as I do. Did you fail to see that I also did this?

@Phobiaphobic

Usually I just get the fuckers demanding I stop whatever I'm doing and make them a cup of tea.

I never get that. Usually they bring their own or go off to the nearest garage or shop to use their costa machine. I leave them to it and after a few hours if I notice they don't appear to have made their own arrangements and havn't disappeared for breaks, I'll offer them a drink.