Entitled male tradesmen.

[EmKayEm]

Ok.
Had an issue with electrics, kitchen keeps tripping out.
Called a couple of people to come and look at the issue and quote.
One came yesterday, gave me a price, agreed the job, and arranged to sort today. I sorted with work to WFH for the day, as can do stuff around the power being off for a couple of hours.

Last night the guy messages me -
''Um...just wondering...''
"???"
"Are you attached?"
"Why? Does that have anything to do with my kitchen?"

He leaves it a bit, then comes back with

"You can't possibly be single"

Then

"Hope this doesn't come across as creepy lol"

I ignored this. But he still went on. If I had had a bad experience in dating maybe he could change that. He is, of course, "a really nice guy".

I messaged back that my personal life was personal and I would rather keep this strictly professional.

This morning, due at 9am, messages me at 08:15 to say he can't come today due to another job.
I message back to ask when he can, he is a bit vague. I tell him not to to bother, I will contact someone else.
He then messages me to say he was only being nice, I should take it as a compliment etc.

WHAT THE FUCK IS IT WITH ENTITLED CHILDREN DEMANDING ATTENTION???

You lot are barmy. He fancied her. He asked if she was single. That's not being predatory.

I've openly acknowledged the way he went about it was unprofessional.

Yeah some of his messages were a bit daft.

But she didn't need to be rude to him. She could've politely shut him down straight away and she didn't.

There's no reason not to be polite, and if she was he probably wouldn't have cancelled at short notice. He'd have probably thought "fair enough - it was worth a try".

Not every man who fancies a woman is a predator.

Don't hit on women at work. Its the first rule of working in other peoples homes, right up there with don't steal their stuff, and flush the toilet after you use it.

@girlmom21

You lot are barmy. He fancied her. He asked if she was single. That's not being predatory.

I've openly acknowledged the way he went about it was unprofessional.

Yeah some of his messages were a bit daft.

But she didn't need to be rude to him. She could've politely shut him down straight away and she didn't.

There's no reason not to be polite, and if she was he probably wouldn't have cancelled at short notice. He'd have probably thought "fair enough - it was worth a try".

Not every man who fancies a woman is a predator.

a) she was not rude (she's been rude about him on here, that's all) b) she would have been justified in being rude to him c) rude does not begin to cover what he did –inappropriate questioning and persistent contact, followed by reneging on an agreement.

Happy to be 'barmy' if that's what you think this is.

@Thelnebriati

Don't hit on women at work. Its the first rule of working in other peoples homes, right up there with don't steal their stuff, and flush the toilet after you use it.

Unfortunately, too many tradespersons don't follow those second two rules either!

I don't think he's 'entitled' or a man thing (plenty of women have done similar to my husband while I've been there) just from what you said.

It's unprofessional definitely, creepy maybe (it would make me uncomfortable since he would be in your home) but in most cases it's likely to be that he fancied you and didn't really approach it best and now he's embarrassed.

Just tell him no, block his number, sever the work connection and move on... I couldn't waste time being mad about it.

Have you paid him upfront?

Creepy bastard, how gross.

YANBU.

I swear some of these men have watched too much 1970s porn about the tradesman coming to call or something else which has bent their brains.

I have had a tradesman deliver some precut items & refuse to leave the house until he gave me a hug (never used that company again)
Also one who sent me a text after doing an hours work in the garden asking if I'd like a one night stand but don't tell his wife as she'd be upset.

Nobody would look at the very modest way I dress with no make up etc.. & see a flirt.
I don't even know how to flirt & I certainly wasn't attracted to the man who looked of an age with my father.

It's an issue with tradesmen if you don't have a man in the house for them to deal with.

Personally, I would NOT report him on social media.
At the end of the day what he did was socially clumsy and unprofessional but it was not a sackable offence.
Posting on social media would result in him losing his entire livelihood.

Possibly for years. I get it- I would be annoyed as well- state to his boss- if you felt his behaviour was inappropriate.

Sorry, I would not pubically demand the sack of someone who made a clumsy mistake - it's entirely disproportionate to the situation.

I find the general culture of - one mistake- lose your entire livelihood.

It's mob culture and creates an unpleasant and divisive atmosphere online and has very real-life consequences.

Which is a totally different thing.

I don’t see how it is totally different. In that case the poster (woman) had tracked the tradesman’s personal account down on Facebook and planned to message him in order to ask him out. A majority were all for it and commenting what a splendid idea. I don’t see what is totally different, in fact I think that was more intrusive if anything.

I think this tradesman should have behaved more professionally, but the moral outrage on here is completely disproportionate.

I am baffled as to how “entitled” per the thread title comes into it at all. He was not professional, forward, probably a number of other things but not entitled. And I would presume he cancelled the job because he thought it would be less embarrassing.

Posting on social media would result in him losing his entire livelihood.
Not judging by some of the responses on here from people who it seems would be perfectly OK with giving him work.

@Snugglepumpkin "I have had a tradesman deliver some precut items & refuse to leave the house until he gave me a hug (never used that company again)
Also, one who sent me a text after doing an hours work in the garden asking if I'd like a one night stand but don't tell his wife as she'd be upset."

Actually, I agree with you on this- your examples are gross- and clear examples of sexual harrasement.
I would escalate these.

Posting on social media would result in him losing his entire livelihood.
I doubt it but if anything costs him his livelihood it will be his own behaviour.

I wouldn’t want someone like that inmyhouse! Unless you gave him some wrong messages when he came first….
I would cancel immediately.

@furbabymama87

I had similar from a fireman who checked my alarms. He asked me to get my boyfriend to adapt the fire surround to fit a fireguard. I said I was single and he looked me up and down and said " wow, you haven't got a boyfriend. You're stunning". I wasn't offended though, we just laughed it off as he was friendly and I think he'd realised he shouldn't really have said it. Your one sounds creepy and unprofessional though.

Oh honey, you think this was the first time he'd used that line?

@changeornot

Personally, I would NOT report him on social media. At the end of the day what he did was socially clumsy and unprofessional but it was not a sackable offence. Posting on social media would result in him losing his entire livelihood.

Possibly for years. I get it- I would be annoyed as well- state to his boss- if you felt his behaviour was inappropriate.

Sorry, I would not pubically demand the sack of someone who made a clumsy mistake - it's entirely disproportionate to the situation.

I find the general culture of - one mistake- lose your entire livelihood.

It's mob culture and creates an unpleasant and divisive atmosphere online and has very real-life consequences.

He was self employed, not an employee of a firm!

@Teeturtle

Which is a totally different thing.

I don’t see how it is totally different. In that case the poster (woman) had tracked the tradesman’s personal account down on Facebook and planned to message him in order to ask him out. A majority were all for it and commenting what a splendid idea. I don’t see what is totally different, in fact I think that was more intrusive if anything.

I think this tradesman should have behaved more professionally, but the moral outrage on here is completely disproportionate.

I am baffled as to how “entitled” per the thread title comes into it at all. He was not professional, forward, probably a number of other things but not entitled. And I would presume he cancelled the job because he thought it would be less embarrassing.

When I last checked the statistics 96%, possibly higher, of sexual offences were carried out by men and women were the main victims. This alone means that the analogy people are trying to draw with the MN poster who tracked down a tradesman in order to ask him out isn't applicable. Women very, very rarely sexually assault men.

Imagine that the OP lets the electrician into her home, he comes onto her, won't take no for an answer and then assaults her. Imagine being on the jury and hearing that he'd texted her beforehand, trying to find out whether she had a partner. You'd ask wtf she was doing allowing a man like that in her home, wouldn't you? And she'd say 'I asked for advice on MN and the women there thought I should take it as a compliment/ ignore it/ accept that that's just the way men are and he didn't mean anything bad.'

There's no way a woman can win, is there? If she declares herself bothered by his predatory texts the jury of MN calls her 'diddums' and tells her she should take his interest in her as a compliment. If she's assaulted by him they blame her for not reading those texts as warnings of his intent. Would you insist on blaming the OP if she was your sister, your daughter or your mum?

TBF the only person saying 'diddums' was me, about the tradesman

Creepy AF

oh and why would electric be off, it needs to be on to find the fault altho its most likely an appliance, have you narrowed it down to a particular socket or room. electric gets turned off once its found.

I would have cancelled after that crap its none of his business

@pjahsy

I would have cancelled him coming around the moment he sent you strange messages to be honest.

Yep.

@changeornot

Personally, I would NOT report him on social media. At the end of the day what he did was socially clumsy and unprofessional but it was not a sackable offence. Posting on social media would result in him losing his entire livelihood.

Possibly for years. I get it- I would be annoyed as well- state to his boss- if you felt his behaviour was inappropriate.

Sorry, I would not pubically demand the sack of someone who made a clumsy mistake - it's entirely disproportionate to the situation.

I find the general culture of - one mistake- lose your entire livelihood.

It's mob culture and creates an unpleasant and divisive atmosphere online and has very real-life consequences.

He is self employed, so there is no one to "sack" him.

I find the general culture of - one mistake- lose your entire livelihood

Are you saying that you don't look at reviews or ask for recommendations when hiring tradespeople or companies?

When I hire a plumber or buy something from a company, I look at the reviews.
"I hired x person to fix toilet. He didn't finish the job and is no longer answering the phone"

My first thought is, nope.
Not- well, it was just one mistake, I'm sure it'll be fine, I'll hire him.

Found out my naïve 16 year old niece fell for all the flirting when my SIL left her in to wait for the washing machine engineer. It was consensual, but she severely regretted after. Unprotected too 🤦‍♀️ and didn't want to tell her mum so I sorted her out with MAP, sexual health checks (thankfully clear), and a few long long chats after.

Some tradesmen are creepy as fuck, and sometimes the approach gives them "success" so they try it again elsewhere. They are absolutely out of order.

Bloody hell, what a creep. I take it you have now blocked his number at the very least.

I guess you were caught on the hop, but those sorts of messages would make me feel very uncomfortable. Uncomfortable enough not to want him in my house or near me ever again. I hope (actually, believe) that I would have cancelled his job myself very quickly after the very first message and then blocked him.

He is a creepy fucker. I'd almost be willing to bet you may not be the first woman he has done this to.

It actually may result in him losing his entire livelihood. Many local formus- are read by the entire town, I think mine is read by 20,000 plus. And is the first port of call when searching for tradesmen.

I'm just fed up with the general culture prevalent on here but also on twitter, insta and facebook--- that if someone makes one mistake- there is always mob feedback braying for their sacking!
I've seen this just in the last week---these examples -braying for people to be sacked_
Because:
they have gender-critical views,
They support Palestine, voted Brexit etc...
Asked a colleague/customer out....
Made a minor error or a misjudgement at work
Examples include:

Cc'd to a few people that should have been bbc'd. No real or harmful data breach happened.
Parent- didn't like a teacher saying their child was a star pupil.
A Teacher accidentally swears in front of a secondary age child.

Mistakes are just not that important in the grand scheme of things.

All of this creates a horrid paranoid environment. Erodes workers rights, reduces trust in the community, stope genuine debate and understanding-and is giving more and more power to large media cooperations.
We're all pointing the finger-- and getting angry with each other over minor stuff- while the world is actually burning up!

i just feel like the whole thing doesn't engender any empathy!

Have we all become power-mad HR executives!