...to want another baby at 45

[Mushroomlover]

We have two DC aged 16 and 13. About 10 years ago DH and I had a talk about whether we wanted any more. He said he was happy to do whatever I wanted and I said what I thought at the time, which is that I was very happy with two.

However for the last year I have found myself longing for another baby. I'm struggling to know whether this is really what I want or just a response to a sort of early-onset empty nest syndrome I've been feeling (my DC are still at home, than goodness, but I'm really aware that they won't be forever). I also don't have any sense of what my odds would be of getting pregnant at this age. I'm in good health (bit overweight but can diet) and no signs of perimenopause. Is there any way I can check my fertility?

Wondered whether anyone had been through this?

I'm with @bonfireheart
A full list of pros and cons is needed.

Would your teenagers suffer from lack of sleep at their stage in education?
How would they feel if mum and dad have to divert a lot of attention away from them?
Do you feel physically able to run around a toddler ? All day and every day?
Would your teenagers resent this?

But, a baby is always cute.
A baby would probably enhance your family life right now.

Age doesn't matter.
A baby would probably fit right in.

But are you just missing baby/toddler cute stage because you have teenagers?
Do your teenagers really want to go back to ball parks, Legoland or other toddler friendly days out?

I have worn your T-shirt. It's hard at the time but your final answer will be the best one.

I'm 45 too. My youngest (of 5) is 14 and I have t felt broody since he was born. And then suddenly, when a friend had a baby, I wanted one, right now! I'd never felt at all broody when other friends had babies, but I desperately wanted one.

Luckily my DP (not the father of my others) had had a vasectomy years ago so there was no chance of it happening.

And the feeling gradually passed. Especially as I recalled sleepless nights, nappies and toilet training. I enjoy the freedom I have now too much.

Definitely don't want now!

I do have some symptoms of perimenopause, so I think it was my body telling me to get another bsv

Omg don't do it. The feeling you're having is Mother Nature playing tricks on you as a last ditch effort to reproduce before menopause starts. It will be exhausting and take you well into your 60's before you have time for yourself again. Honestly these feelings will pass. Going through the menopause is bad enough without having a 5 year old as well.

Sorry, pressed send! I think it was my body's way of saying get another baby quick while you have a chance still!

But nope! So glad I didn't.

I'm old and can't imagine anything worse than still having parents evenings, party pickups and the prospect of A-levels and uni choices still hanging round my neck.

I couldn't do it! At 45 mine were 26 and 16.

But no YANBU.. but a braver women than me !

YANBU to want another baby at 45. But the risks for abnormalities at this maternal age is very high. I wouldn't.

I'm 28 and my DC is 1. I could not imagine having raised him and another DC, and then having to essentially "start again" at 45. I think you should give it a miss!

Think of having to do night feeds and not sleeping again for a few years, maybe that will change your mind 😂😂

I had one at 44, and it’s fine

That pregnancy seems to have triggered a couple of autoimmune diseases though, so it’s tough, I’m extremely tired and not the best mum I could be

@HerRoyalNotness

I had one at 44, and it’s fine

That pregnancy seems to have triggered a couple of autoimmune diseases though, so it’s tough, I’m extremely tired and not the best mum I could be

❤❤

If you really want it and can afford it, then go for it.
Life is too short to deny yourself.

I would not want to have a toddler & be in perimenopause. It is s bad enough without kids.

@Cryalot2

If you really want it and can afford it, then go for it. Life is too short to deny yourself.

It’s not a pair of Jimmy Choos. It’s a new person, and the impact it will have on an existing family.

Don't. Its your ovaries last hurrah. It happens to loads of people and they usually get over it in a couple of years and then think thank God I didn't do that. You'll be 46 when you have it then when you start the menopause you'll be appalled by how tired and angry you'll become. You will have no time for a small child. You have 2 healthy children. What if the 3rd is severely disabled? Will you be happy to care for that child for the rest of your life? A scan cant pick up things like severe autism.
My friend in her t0s is struggling with a non verbal autistic child and the menopause and her house is not a happy place.

Your dc won’t have a sibling relationship. I’m 8 years older than one of my brothers and I have a very different relationship to him than my brother who’s a year younger than me. The youngest told me he often feels like an only child.

Also you’re too old. My friend is in her early 20s and she’s already worried about her parents who are in their early 60s. My parents are young so I’m fortunate not to have these worries yet.

@ThroughThickAndThin01

100% agree!

Dont do it! I’m your age with similar aged children and every now and again I get a pang for a baby but then I think ‘what the hell am I thinking, I’m old and my teenagers are hard work!’. I tell myself the risks are too high at my age, and my midwife friends reminds me that my 45 year old eggs are not good.

I'm 46 and my girls are 15 and 11 and I really wouldn't want to start again with a new baby!

Sometimes I get sad now my youngest is at secondary school that those days are over and I miss them as babies and toddlers but then I remember I can go out in the evening and have a life and relax and then I think NO WAY!

We'll be finding money for uni costs soon. I wouldn't want to have to buy new baby stuff too.

Do you really want a 15 year old when you are 60, each to their own, but since you asked my opinion is you are too old! Please think of your other two children, I went through a stage of thinking I’d love another one in my late thirties then when I really thought about it, I was thinking about what I wanted and not how my other children would feel as they were already in twenties, just because you can it doesn’t mean you should comes to mind! Well you did ask 🤣

I had a massive hormone surge last year when I was 45 and got pregnant easily twice. I wasn't trying but not preventing either.

Both of them were chemicals and now that time has passed the broody feelings have gone away and i'm happy with the family I already have.

By all means have a go but be aware that there might not be a happy ending.

I’m almost 44 with an 18yr old ds and a 10yr old dd and I feel way too old for another baby. My friend had twins the day after her 41st birthday and her other 3 dc were much older and she was often mistaken for their nanna. I would hate that.

I met someone 2 years ago who was a year older than me and with 2dc of similar ages to mine and he was mentioning babies in the first few weeks. I ran a mile and didn’t look back and thank god I never ended up “accidentally” pregnant with him.

I know that everybody is different and at various fitness levels etc but I just think 45 is too old. My mum’s sister had a child at 45 and her other 4 were pretty much grown up. She is now a pensioner in bad health and he’s had to put up with years of people thinking she is his nanna. I just couldn’t do it. The age gap is huge.

I had my last baby at 42. There is a 13 yr age gap between my eldest and youngest child. She is being raised as a single child since the other two are out of the home. It works for us but might not be for everyone.

Oh god, no... honestly, just imagine, going through menopause, having a toddler and two teens doing gcses and a levels....

I don't think there is an issue with women your age having children if they are able, it's more the massive age gap that would be between your children. For someone who started their family in their early 40s, it would make total sense to have another aged 45, but you've done your time in the trenches! Get a puppy or kitten instead :)

At 45 my two were 6 & 4 and I was just beginning to get over the shock of having 2 toddlers. I definitely wouldn't have wanted another especially if mine had been the ages yours are.

Having said that I know parents who have had children later and coped brilliantly.

Teens need a lot of time and resources though so coupling that with a newborn and being older yourself might be a huge deal. Personally I'd be concentrating on the teens and making plans for your future freedoms.