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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridezilla?

383 replies

weddingdramagreat · 10/11/2021 14:59

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

OP posts:
PleasantBirthday · 10/11/2021 16:40

@Lasair

She’s a bridesmaidzilla. Don’t listen to Mn they hate weddings! You sound very generous your friend is being being difficult
This is a really difficult attitude. You can't control another adult and, if you want to stay friends with them, it's better to try not to do that and also not to take them doing what they want to do personally.

Why do you think it's helpful to tell the bride in this case that her friend is being difficult? Do you think that she should be taking assertive action now? Because if she tries to, they won't be friends any more.

Nobody is being unreasonable here. Two people want different things that they are both fully entitled to want. But at some point you have to accept that if someone else is doing what they want, they aren't necessarily doing it to spite you or ruin your wedding or anything like that.

godmum56 · 10/11/2021 16:41

@Tilltheend99

She doesn’t have to share if she doesn’t want to but equally she didn’t have to accept the role of bridesmaid with the responsibility it entails if she didn’t want to.

If she won’t stay in the accommodation you’ve paid for and won’t pay for her own and wants to drive up all good but…

If damn well be expecting her to arrive in time to get ready with everyone else in the morning. It’s your wedding not hers. If she wants the important position of bridesmaid in your wedding and the esteemed place within your friendship she needs to show she can support her friend on her wedding day.

Nobody likes a glory supporter.

but did she know earlier that being a bridesmaid entailed a room share?
WouldBeGood · 10/11/2021 16:42

I think I’d just offer to change her room to a room in her own. Small price to pay in the great scheme of things.

violetanemone · 10/11/2021 16:45

I don't think you get "too old" to share rooms. She just sounds entitled and a bit stuck up.

If she doesn't want to share then she should be paying for her own room.

ElftonWednesday · 10/11/2021 16:45

I think though as I said, SIBU, I would probably book an extra room for her. Unless she had a good reason though her card would be marked AFAIC.

godmum56 · 10/11/2021 16:46

@Riverlee

I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at sharing a room. You are not being a bridezilla.
well yay for you
I8toys · 10/11/2021 16:46

She can pay for her own.

Tilltheend99 · 10/11/2021 16:46

@Brefugee all of that sucks and doesn’t make you a snowflake. In the context of this situation if you are close enough to someone to ask them to be your bridesmaid/accept being a bridesmaid then op likely knows wether her friend has a long term condition that needs to be sensitively taken into account.

godmum56 · 10/11/2021 16:47

OP you still haven't answered who is paying for the third bridesmaid's husband?

GrumpyPanda · 10/11/2021 16:47

@SilentPanic

She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for. This is extremely patronising. I'm wondering if she's staying away because you seem to give no weight to the life she leads in London. There are commitments other than a spouse and kids, you know.
This. I notice you didn't stick the coupled up friend in a 4-person dorm room with the other friends and hubby....

Not every grown up does well sharing rooms (you haven't said if you're making them share beds as well?). I know I wouldn't, as a lifelong insomniac.

DriftingBlue · 10/11/2021 16:47

By 30 I definitely stopped being willing to share rooms, sleep on sofas, or sleep on air beds. I get proper, private rooms and when I travel or I don’t make the trip. I’m willing to pay for this of course, but sometimes a room isn’t available even if you are willing to pay and then I just don’t go. I just can’t relax if I don’t have my own space.

Cosyblankets · 10/11/2021 16:48

Honestly all this guff about 'medical issues' etc etc really is (I hate to say it but in this case it's true ...) very 'snowflake' generation.

Just goes to show how little you understand about others.

diddl · 10/11/2021 16:48

@godmum56

OP you still haven't answered who is paying for the third bridesmaid's husband?
It's in the first post-Op is as presumably he is sharing a room with his wife!
Original poster
weddingdramagreat · 10/11/2021 16:48

@godmum56 we are. Is that ok with you? We invited him to join us for dinner the night before so have paid for their room too.

Christ. I have been to LOADS of weddings and never once had my accommodation paid for but clearly can see it's still not enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
weddingdramagreat · 10/11/2021 16:49

@GrumpyPanda no I am not 'making them share a bed'

I'm not making them do anything accept offer them a free room for two nights. How rude of me.

OP posts:
violetanemone · 10/11/2021 16:49

@PleasantBirthday That's all true but I think the comment "It's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age" is actually very unpleasant and entitled, so actually I think the bridesmaid is being unreasonable.

She could have expressed a preference not to share without being so unpleasant about it, and could have been more forthcoming with a compromise.

In her position I woud be doing my utmost ro reassure the bride that I would be there come hell or high water, and would either a) book my own room separately or b) set off at a ridiculously early time to allow for delays. Sounds like she's done neither.

IncompleteSenten · 10/11/2021 16:50

I'd say fair enough. I can't afford to pay for more rooms I'm afraid but you could book one of your own if you prefer or just come on the day.

What makes you think she'd be late for your wedding if she travels on the day?

RevolutionRadio · 10/11/2021 16:51

I wouldn't want to share either.

Is the place you're asking her to stay expensive and that's why she hasn't offered to pay for her own room?

If I was her I'd pay for my own room but if the wedding hotel was too expensive I'd look for cheaper options near by.

LethargicActress · 10/11/2021 16:53

Would she stay the night before if she had her own room for free?

It does seem shit that she won’t share a twin room with a friend she knows well just for a couple of nights. I could understand her not wanting to share with a stranger, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re asking of her.

amsadandconfused · 10/11/2021 16:54

I wouldn’t want to share because I snore really loudly. I would offer to pay extra to have my own room.

diddl · 10/11/2021 16:55

Perhaps she could have handled it better & said from the off that she didn't want to share.

But Op, you just seem to think that she should & perhaps that's why she was nasty/defensive about it?

Tilltheend99 · 10/11/2021 16:55

@godmum56 being a bridesmaid could entail literally any and everything Grin I think most people make reasonable allowances for each other and it sounds like the op had done this. She hadn’t given an ultimatum over staying the night but is worried about getting ready in the morning. Getting the bride ready in the morning is one of the most basic tasks asked of a bridesmaid and if this friend is not willing to get up early enough to travel the three hours out of London to be there for that it would signal a very unequal friendship. I would put a bet on it being some kind of power play thing stemming from the dynamics of the relationship but in their uni days as the bride will be centre of attention the day.

godmum56 · 10/11/2021 16:59

@diddl

diddl Wed 10-Nov-21 16:48:35
godmum56
OP you still haven't answered who is paying for the third bridesmaid's husband?
It's in the first post-Op is as presumably he is sharing a room with his wife!
yes but did the OP cover the whole cost of the room?

YouChump · 10/11/2021 17:00

I bet she's a snorer so will be embarrassed to share.
It's generous of you you to pay for her accommodation, could you find out how much an additional room will be and hopefully she'll pay the extra?
The night before sounds so lovely and you'll all miss out if she doesn't arrive until just before the ceremony.

godmum56 · 10/11/2021 17:00

[quote Tilltheend99]@godmum56 being a bridesmaid could entail literally any and everything Grin I think most people make reasonable allowances for each other and it sounds like the op had done this. She hadn’t given an ultimatum over staying the night but is worried about getting ready in the morning. Getting the bride ready in the morning is one of the most basic tasks asked of a bridesmaid and if this friend is not willing to get up early enough to travel the three hours out of London to be there for that it would signal a very unequal friendship. I would put a bet on it being some kind of power play thing stemming from the dynamics of the relationship but in their uni days as the bride will be centre of attention the day.[/quote]
she say that she is though....just that she doesn't want to share a room the night before.