Bridezilla?

[weddingdramagreat]

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

@weddingdramagreat I would just give up trying to explain yourself on here, people seem to delight in finding entitlement from people where there isn't any. I expect your hunch is correct, that she is fed up with being a singleton and has decided that you are taking her for granted. I hope your friendship means more to both of you than this blip and you both find a way to get through it. And have a lovely wedding!

Because it was a ski resort it was a room with living room and en suite so mum and brother shared but didn't sleep in the same room and people could change privately. And basic kitchen so hot drinks. Most the time I went in their brother was watching sports why mum was all excited lol. But why not wediings are stressful good to catch some time out. We had the best man on our sofa but spent the week before the wedding traveling together. Everyone stayed a couple more nights as got married Friday afternoon. It one of the world most popular ski resorts and in summer so room were cheaper compared to the winter. Loads of nice restaurants and little shops to wonder around a chill for a few days.

@Lanique

Op I suggest you repost this as a reverse, in the role of the ungrateful and outraged bridesmaid, and watch the baying AIBU crowd tear 'her' to pieces.

Sometimes you just can't win

Not sure why the BM is obliged to be "grateful " for anything.

All she's said is that she hates sharing a room and will be down on the morning. Many people hate sharing rooms; she's hardly a monster for feeling that way.

Or are the maids expected to just zip it and express no preferences or opinions, in deference to the glorious occasion?

[quote MargotMoon]@weddingdramagreat I would just give up trying to explain yourself on here, people seem to delight in finding entitlement from people where there isn't any. I expect your hunch is correct, that she is fed up with being a singleton and has decided that you are taking her for granted. I hope your friendship means more to both of you than this blip and you both find a way to get through it. And have a lovely wedding! [/quote]
This.
Enjoy your wedding OP

OP in no way is wanting your bridesmaids with you the night before your wedding unreasonable. Getting together for dinner (which you are paying for!), drinks and chat is totally normal, don't let anyone tell you it isn't.

If all she wants to do is rock up on the day of the wedding at the same time as all your other guests, that is absolutely fine. But then she shouldn't have agreed to be a bridesmaid, just a guest.

None of what you would ideally like to happen is unreasonable, none. I guess you could tell her that arriving on the day is OK, but you'd like her to be there by, say, 9am.

OP I reallu would not worry too much about this. I feel your pain. We also organised dinner the night before and accommodation for our wedding , and for our pains and expense did get some very specific requests for things. However, they were all reasonable requests in the context of what that person needed, but it just seemed one more thing when I thought we were being nice paying for rooms ect for the wedding party and some relatives. Like you we had a limited number of rooms we had paid extra for at the venue and no option to get any more at the venue. However, on reflection I realised I needed to remember that we were the hosts (so should want to make people comfortable), these were the people we loved most in the world, weddings are a bit of a pain for guests (especially bridesmaids), and they were all making an effort to be there for us.

If you really would prefer she came the day before (you obviously can't demand she comes the day before but I can see it would be nice if she did) I might consider offering to pay for her to have a cheap room in a local travel lodge or bed and breakfast (explaining that you would love her to stay on site but have not other rooms and respect that she doesn't want to share). Otherwise she can book herself a room locally or travel down in the morning as she chooses. I would encourage you not to listen to anyone suggesting she is cross because she is single, it just isn't worth worrying about.

OP have you actually told her the room situation? I was assuming you were in a hotel and there were extra rooms to accommodate her should she wish to have her own room.

From what you've now said is that you have sole occupancy there are only X amount of bedrooms which you are paying for and the only way you can get the whole bridal party in is by single people sharing rooms.

I think you have been very very generous. I think if she knew your predicament she might be less frosty. She still might really hate sharing though

In theory she could miss the getting ready part and just come in time for the wedding but then what's the point in being a bridesmaid

To us older people that is the point of being a bridesmaid

Traditionally the point of being a bridesmaid is to participate in the wedding ceremony. Not serve as a lady in waiting for 24+ hours.

I agree. Also, none of this malarky of helping to choose the bride’s dress or arranging the hen do either. I feel that expectations of a bridesmaid’s “duties” are getting ridiculously unreasonable these days.