Bridezilla?

[weddingdramagreat]

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

Ok so if she was late, what’s the worse thing that could happen? She doesn’t make the wedding - that’s worse case scenario- so what??

Tell her you thought it’d be really nice to spend the morning chilled and not having to rush, but you understand that sharing a room isn’t for her. My finances won’t stretch to a room each so you’ll see her in the morning- state a time you want her there and add 30 minutes earlier to the time..

@ivykaty44

"Ok so if she was late, what’s the worse thing that could happen? She doesn’t make the wedding - that’s worse case scenario- so what??"

I would have hoped someone I deem close enough to be my bridesmaid would feel more than 'so what' if she missed my wedding.

I'm there for her on birthdays, new jobs,break ups etc

She's being a dick IMO, especially as she is friends with the person she is sharing with. Nobody like sharing a room but I'd do it for my good friend getting married.

I can’t share a room, but I’d be happy to pay for my own.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all, I’m older than that and happily share with friends, more fun for something like a wedding too! (If they don’t have partner there too etc obviously). If I did have strong feelings though, eg secretly hated the other bridesmaid, I’d just offer to pay for my own room.

Tbh I loved going to dinner the night before with my parents and bridesmaids it was a lovely part of the wedding. Also my bridesmaids shared a room the night before x

Just let her decide and take responsibility for getting herself where she needs to be.

The "so what" applies to how much it will impact your wedding ceremony and future marriage - and that will be minimal.

I know it's tempting to insist she tows the line but it's a waste of your energy.

I know all about wedding disasters and a late bridesmaid, whilst irritating, isn't worth you getting upset about.

Neither of you is being unreasonable. I have well and truly put my room sharing days behind me and in the bridesmaid's shoes I would stick to my plan of arriving on the day.

As the bride? Meh, I'd say "OK, see you on the day". People shouldn't be left out of pocket for being in a bridal party if it's not their own wedding.

Face it, OP, it is natural that she's not as excited about this event as you are. That's normal and OK.

Is she feeling a little blurgh at being single and avoiding some of wedding events like the meal the night before??

What would you have done if the other two bridesmaids were married? I've no problem sharing but I can understand how you might be frustrated if you a) don't want to share a room and b) feel like you've been treated differently, especially if it happens often

Are there no other available rooms you can book?

@PleasantBirthday

You offered a room, she doesn't want it, fine. She's a grown up, you can't tell her where to sleep.

This is a good way of thinking about it.

I don't think you've done anything wrong.

She doesn't want free accommodation? Fine, let her do her own thing!

Assuming it's not sharing an actual bed, I'd be perfectly fine sharing a room with a friend, even at my advanced age (mid-40s). It's not as if it's anything other than sleeping and getting ready, either, as they'll be busy the rest of the time. YANBU.

If they're having to share a bed, YABU, I wouldn't want to share a bed at all tbh but definitely not more than one night.

What's her plan for the second night?

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov possibly not offered to pay everyone's accommodation (like every wedding I've ever been part of). But we knew that wasn't the case so didn't have a plan for that option.

She can book her own room or come on the day. It's not what I would do - I'd just get on with it but I can see it's quite divisive.

[quote weddingdramagreat]@ivykaty44

"Ok so if she was late, what’s the worse thing that could happen? She doesn’t make the wedding - that’s worse case scenario- so what??"

I would have hoped someone I deem close enough to be my bridesmaid would feel more than 'so what' if she missed my wedding.

I'm there for her on birthdays, new jobs,break ups etc[/quote]
Yes but so what to you? It isn't gong to affect the marriage if she is late.

I don't think people should be forced to share rooms if they don't want to. There can be medical reasons for not wanting to (severe insomnia; needing the loo several times a night as in my case; etc.) and in any case it's not their duty, or your right to demand. Could you arrange a single room for her, and have her pay the extra costs?

@cowburp well obviously it won't but it's still likely going to cause stress and also let's say I was late to her birthday, I'd know about it!

I would be awake all night if I had to share a room, I just couldn’t relax enough to get any sleep. I’d be worried about disturbing the other person which would make me worry about needing the loo…which would put the thought in my head that I needed to go. I would be round and round in that loop & awake all night leaving me too exhausted to enjoy the wedding.

The other bridesmaid gets to share with her DH but the 2 bridesmaids are just supposed to lump it?

I wouldn't want to share either. You can't force her to "suck it up.". Her being single and childfree is nothing to do with it.

[quote weddingdramagreat]@cowburp well obviously it won't but it's still likely going to cause stress and also let's say I was late to her birthday, I'd know about it![/quote]
Is she usually late?

@Brefugee

Neither of you is being unreasonable. I have well and truly put my room sharing days behind me and in the bridesmaid's shoes I would stick to my plan of arriving on the day.

As the bride? Meh, I'd say "OK, see you on the day". People shouldn't be left out of pocket for being in a bridal party if it's not their own wedding.

Face it, OP, it is natural that she's not as excited about this event as you are. That's normal and OK.

this absolutely

[quote weddingdramagreat]@cowburp well obviously it won't but it's still likely going to cause stress and also let's say I was late to her birthday, I'd know about it![/quote]
But she's probably been on time for appointments before, right? I think you do have to trust that she knows how to get from one place to another in good time.

sre you paying for the DH?

Some people are funny about this OP. I have a friend who really hates sharing a room and doesn't sleep well at all if she has to. I don't really understand why but it's definitely a thing for her.

Let her pay the extra or come in the morning.