Bridezilla?

[weddingdramagreat]

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

She hasn't actually been late (yet). Give her a sensible time to arrive (so don't set her up to fail and then get stressed about it).

Staying the night before isn't a measure of your friendship - it's just a personal choice.

I wouldn't want to share a room but I won't expect you to pay for it if you can't.

I think neither of you are being unreasonable to want what you want. She isn't insisting you pay for a room. Her solution is to come later.

She's travelling for your wedding, she shouldn't have to "suck up" everything just to make you happy, to her own detriment. Yabu there.

If you insist she goes the day before, then you should pay for a room or ask if you could both split the cost (if she can afford to).

@MalagaNights

In my friendship group sharing rooms would be usual. And we're 50 something women with husbands and kids. So I don't think YABU. .but she can if she likes get her own room.

Expecting close female friends to all have separate rooms is weird to me.
But she can decide for herself.

I'm same age as you. Have just been away to a house party at a beautiful rented farmhouse for one of the groups 55th.. 9 beds for 16 of us. Some with our husbands some not. We just went in the rooms allocated by the person kind enough to organise. Honestly all this guff about 'medical issues' etc etc really is (I hate to say it but in this case it's true ...) very 'snowflake' generation. Especially from a group of friends you have shared a home with and travelled with. Surely a wedding is a time where you put you own wishes behind the bride you are supporting and 'suck it up' ? Of course there is a balance between appeasing a bridezilla and her request to harvest unicorn tears by moonlight as 'favours' .. but share a room with a mate ? Pretty sure if they have really travelled together they have shared a LOT worse. !!

No you aren't being unreasonable OP. Ultimately you have offered - and missing the night before is going to be her loss.. so just let her do her thing..

You sound, for once- like a very balanced bride to be. Have a wonderful day. !

I wouldn't suck up sharing a room if I wasn't comfortable with it but I wouldn't expect you to pay for a single for me. It's your friend's decision to travel the next morning. Respect that.

She's being ridiculous.

I'm 37 and I've shared rooms twice in the last few months for hens/weddings. It's not unusual.

I can't believe some of the replies here, how bloody precious.

She's been ridiculous. If she wants her own room let her pay for it.

@Notonthestairs

She hasn't actually been late (yet). Give her a sensible time to arrive (so don't set her up to fail and then get stressed about it).

Staying the night before isn't a measure of your friendship - it's just a personal choice.

I agree, unless she has form for always being late then stop assuming the worst of her

I think if there was no other choice - perhaps travelling very far and sharing a room is all there is, then fair enough. Of course, won't make a fuss. But as long as there are options, people are surely within their right to choose what they want.

Honestly all this guff about 'medical issues' etc etc really is (I hate to say it but in this case it's true ...) very 'snowflake' generation

I disagree. Lots of people have medical conditions that would make it uncomfortable for them to share a hotel room and bathroom - snoring, insomnia, IBS. My friends wouldn't be aware of the reasons that I won't share a room. It's none of their business. If we book a weekend away I opt for a single room. None of them would ever have an issue with me having my own room, nor would they question why.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. You're paying for it so she's not out of pocket. She'd be sharing a room with her own friend, someone she has already lived with before, not a stranger. I obviously don't know her reasonings for it but it doesn't seem a big ask at all.

I've been a bridesmaid a few times and shared a room the night before each time. It's nice to start the build up of excitement having drinks and then getting ready the next day. It's her loss if you ask me. I wouldn't force her though, just tell her it's a shame as you'd been looking forward to spending time together.

Also, just a heads up, although I'm sure you've noticed People seem to hate weddings on here. I've never ever heard such negativity surrounding weddings (mainly towards brides) until I joined here. Everytime I see the phrase "its an invite, not a summons", I just think the bride and groom are better off if that person doesn't bring their negative energy to the day anyway!

[quote weddingdramagreat]@cowburp I that. If it was me (and it has been) I have just sucked it up to support my friends![/quote]
You don’t know if there’s a reason she doesn’t want to share.
Give her the option of paying extra for a room of her own

I wouldn't want to share, certainly not for two nights. If you're providing a room for the other bridesmaid and her husband, it feels unfair to shove the other two in together just because they're single!

I think it is a bit precious to not stay over/share a room.

I've been to a few hen dos and shared a room - sometimes with women I barely knew. I didn't combust with shame/shock

@Hoppinggreen the reason is she just doesn't want to.

We went on holiday in the summer and she shared, she complained about it but didn't suggest paying more for her own room.

Surely it's more of a laugh to share, I still do this with friends and I'm early 50s!

I think you're being very generous OP. If she doesn't like it, she can pay for another room.

In my 50's and have shared rooms dozens of times over the years when away with girlfriends.

I cannot imagine being so rude and difficult and fortunately I can't imagine a single friend being SO difficult for a night or two, much less bother a bride about it.

🙄

I hate sharing a room with anyone (except DH obv). I don't sleep well at all and even worse with someone else there.

So I don't think she's unreasonable not to want to share, but in her case I'd just book my own because I'd prefer being there in the morning ready to go.

Having said that, as long as she's there on time for hair and make-up, you'll have plenty of getting ready time with her and your other friends, and it won't make much of a difference unless you wanted her there the second you open your eyes which would be a bit much .

Just tell her that's fine, hairdresser's going to be there at X time, you'll save some champagne and breakfast for her.

YANBU.

I would not want to share but would not expect you to pay for that, she can pay for her own room if she wants to. Tbh if I was her I'd suck it up for one night. Sounds like you are paying for enough.
I went to a hen do a couple of weeks ago and had to share with my close friend, she warned me she snored terribly (she never used to!) and she was right! 😂
I was a bit tired but it was a one off.
They are her friends too, it's not like she doesn't know them.

Cool, she can pay for her own room. If she doesn’t like what’s being offered

My bridesmaids shared a twin room as i was paying for it. If she wants her own room she can pay for it, or come on the morning.

OP don't stress, give the options and let her pick. It is upsetting as you are in dame situation i was, but i had lots of fun with the people who were there the night before for me.

You are not a bridezilla

I'd be grateful for what has been offered and suggest that I pay for my own accommodation if I didn't want to share.

I really really hate sharing rooms - I never really relax and I sleep appallingly. I personally would prefer my own room, however, I would pay for it.

The only reason I would share the room is if the hotel was mega expensive and wouldn't be able to afford for it myself.

I do think she should be there the night before though and definitely in the morning with you getting ready - on my wedding day these are some of my precious memories

Notaroadrunner: I disagree. Lots of people have medical conditions that would make it uncomfortable for them to share a hotel room and bathroom - snoring, insomnia, IBS. My friends wouldn't be aware of the reasons that I won't share a room. It's none of their business. If we book a weekend away I opt for a single room. None of them would ever have an issue with me having my own room, nor would they question why.

I agree. In my case, it's Crohn's disease plus the medication I take for it. I am willing to explain that if I need to, but it wouldn't be my preferred top topic of conversation at a wedding.

There are also doubtless some people who dislike sharing a room because of some form of PTSD from a nasty experience: they would be even less likely to wish to discuss it with everyone.

I would never expect others to pay for my accommodation at a wedding, and certainly not take the huff if they didn't. I would not make a fuss if someone was late to my birthday (or, as I don't celebrate my birthday, my Christmas celebration). While I would expect people to make every effort to be on time for a wedding, I would not treat it as a crime or tragedy if something went wrong and made them a bit late.

But I would hold it against someone if they sneered at me or called me a snowflake for not being prepared to share a room, or contemptuously dismissed my medical issues.

I'm a late Boomer, by the way; and no one's stereotyped 'snowflake generation'.

OP hasn't said the Bridesmaid has any kind of medical condition.

You've invited her to the pre match dinner and offered to pay for a shared room.
She's declined.. That's it. She's an adult and can fend for her self, pay for her own single room and make her own way to the ceremony on time. Its her loss.

Don't worry about her. If she's late, she's late. Don't change your plans for her. It would be careless and annoying if she is but try to banish it from her thoughts.

I absolutely hate room sharing, but I would still come the night before and pay for my own room.