Bridezilla?

[weddingdramagreat]

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

@Shoxfordian

Are they normally friends? Tell her she can have her own room if she pays for it

there you go

So when my friend got married it was a destination hen and her mum offered to put all the non locals up at her house. I was put in the room with another friend of the bride who i had only met a couple of times previous. It was a double bed. We shared the room without complaint because it saved a few hundred quid on our very junior salaries and we were grateful for the offer. Led to us arranging to share a hotel room for the wedding (also destination) to keep costs down. I have stayed in many hotels for friends weddings and never once has anyone offered to pay. As far as i can tell your friend would be sharing with a good friend of hers rather than a near stranger in my scenario. I think she should either suck up or say thanks for the offer, im a bit funny about sharing so i'll get my own room and book and pay for her own room. Its really quite grabby of her to suggest you shell out for another room particularly since she is sharing the next night. Was she maybe expecting to bring a plus one and you have now scuppered her plans? You are not remotely bridzilla like here in your requests or in terms of your hand in your pocket!

[quote weddingdramagreat]@Loudestcat14

Saving costs would be not to offer to pay for any of their rooms at all. Or literally all their expenses all weekend.

I'm shocked people thinks it's so horrific to be asked to share a room with a CLOSE friend for two nights.

Last time she broke up with someone she was dating, she stayed at the same friends house in her bed for company.[/quote]
OK, well this is interesting. She shared a bed with the friend when it suited her.

I'd say,

'' that's a shame we won't be spending time together the evening before but I understand you want to make your own arrangements ''

And leave it at that.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I think she's just putting pressure on you to book a separate room for her. Just shrug your shoulders and tell her that you will see her on your wedding day. Ironically your other BM who she was sharing with will now have her own room. Bizarre state of affairs.

YANBU. If it were me and I was that desperate for my own room, I'd pay for it.

Ironically with her not staying the night before the wedding, does this mean the other bridesmaid now gets the room to herself??

I wouldn’t want to share a room but I’d be happy to pay for my own

She is being so unreasonable, she should pay for a private room if that’s her preference. You are being very generous and accommodating.
What a twit!

Sharing rooms isn't unreasonable. If she wants her own room, let her pay for it. The night before my best friends wedding I slept on the floor of her spare room just so she didn't have the added stress of worrying about me getting there. For context, I live 2 hours away from her and we had hair appointments at 5am

Medical issues aside, I'm surprised how many people are saying they wouldn't WANT to share a room with friends / feel they've outgrown it

You are definitely not BU, leave her to it, I know you will be sad she isn't there the night before and will probably miss out on the best night. Me and my girls had a fantastic night before, we laughed,cried and everything in-between.
I've shared with loads of people along the years, some I've known more than others but it's worth it. If you are all close friends and have shared before I dont understand it but it's her choice. I've shared with men at my Christmas do for years as I'm the only female. Bit precious if you ask me but it's her choice, you have been very generous xxx
Congratulations and enjoy your wedding x

She’s choosing to travel in the travel in the morning instead of the evening before. Leave it at that.

If you paid for the married bridesmaid to have a room to herself (with her husband), then you should have expected that treating the single ones differently would cause issues. If you feel that strongly about her coming up the night before, you should offer to pay for her room (a whole room, not half of one), just like you offered to pay for an entire room for the married bridesmaid.

It never fails that married get their own soace and single are expected to suck it up and share. As if solo people don't deserve privacy.

I think each should have own room.

If it were me I'd pay for the upgrade to my own room because I DO like being on my own and having quiet time.
But she should pay for it and not make it an issue.
If she won't, it's her responsibility to just be there in time, but yes she will miss out on stuff.
I hope you have a lovely wedding and don't let this put a damper on it.

I think brides sometimes forget their wedding isn’t exciting and magical to everyone. Being a bridesmaid is hard work, even if you get your dress, hair style and make up, shoes, accessories bought for you (the bare minimum IMO since you don’t choose these, may not even like them, but you wear them for the bride and her photos. Many bridesmaids get rid of that stuff after the wedding. Especially if the bride skimped on costs and you all end up in unflattering flimsy dresses with matching stilettos.) It bewilders me when brides think the dress is some sort of ‘gift’ when you had no say in the style, colour, cut or material but simply had to fit in with the colour scheme and style of the bridal theme.

Yes it’s exciting seeing a close friend tie the knot. But how about the hours standing around for photos, trying to get expensive taxis from church/registry office to venue, listening to endless speeches and (eventually) sitting down to a meal. And still being on duty constantly to help the bride with anything she needs, from carrying her bag of touch-up make up to helping her go to the loo (not easy in most wedding dresses!) Then the family party and dancing where you’re still expected to wait on the bride and look put together for the photographer. Travelling a long way to a venue (expense of train/petrol on top of gift etc), taking time off work.

Bridesmaids make a lot of sacrifices. I think if you want them there the eve of the wedding you should at least offer them their own rooms.

I bunked in with friends in my 20s, it doesn’t mean I’d want to do it a decade later.

Maybe the friend she doesn’t want to share with snores or gets up a lot in the night or is untidy, and she just wants a peaceful night’s sleep?

To clarify, if you'd booked a three-person room and told them all - including the married bridesmaid - that they'd have to pay for their own upgrade if they wanted a room to themselves, I wouldn't take issue with it. Her husband doesn't have to be there the night before, and she could carpool with one of the other bridesmaids if they only have one car. The problem is paying for one bridesmaid's preference for a private room while telling another that she has to pay for it herself.

But even then, the bottom line would still be that you can't just order them to spend the night there, regardless of their reasons for not wanting to.

I paid for and shared a room with one of my bridesmaids the night before my wedding. The night of the the wedding she would have had the room to herself. She found out a friend of mine, complete stranger to her, was in a different room. She told her to cancel it and share the room I was paying for instead - as why waste the money on two rooms.

This friend of yours is being special.
If she never shared rooms, it would be different.

Nevertheless I would just pay for a room for her to shut her up. You have more important things to enjoy that a bitchy friend.

I have ibs and need access to a loo consistently in the morning plus I snore. I do t share rooms and as an adult I wouldn’t expect anyone to tell me too unless it’s an emergency. The fact she has no kids etc has nothing to do with this and quite frankly your rude for even mentioning it. Leave it up to her to organise herself and get off your high horse.

@Bangolads I mentioned it because people would obviously have asked if she had kids - as if she did and had no one to look after to them then she has a reason for not coming on the Friday other than 'don't want to'

@FateHasRedesignedMost I let them each choose their dresses - all different styles and colours do they could wear something they actually liked

All I have asked is that they spend the night before I get married with me - no cost to them, because I wanted to be with my best friends how ENTITLED of me

If people hate weddings and being bridesmaids so much, just say no

I think you have been very generous OP and accommodating by letting them choose their own dress colours/styles.

However, people don’t like sharing rooms for personal reasons, like mentioned above, privacy, snoring etc. So, easy solution is that she pays for her own room? Have you asked her to do that?

@weddingdramagreat why does she have to give you more of a reason than that?! You’re not the wedding police and it’s still crass to mention weather she has kids or not.

There are nearly 300 replies on this, it feels a pretty even split between:

Your bridesmaid is being unreasonable, she should share a room

and

I can understand that she hates sharing rooms but she should pay for her own.

I have asked previously what you are doing for the best man and ushers but you haven't said.

But if the @weddingdramagreat hadn’t mentioned the DCs this being MN someone would have been on to say: Well, maybe she has DCs, I’m still breastfeeding my six year old and I’ve never been away from their side, why won’t you think of the children?!

@Bangolads because if we're supposed to be close enough that she's my bridesmaid then just saying 'don't want to cba' is rude.

Would rather someone said no I don't want to be a bridesmaid.

@Pipsquiggle ushers and BM are mix, couples staying together. Singles sharing. They don't seem to have batted an eye lid.