Bridezilla?

[weddingdramagreat]

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

@Bangolads it's not crass. It's context.

See @WouldBeGood post

In hindsight, we shouldn't have offered to pay for anyone's rooms. They could have sorted it out themselves, like every other wedding I've ever been to!

If she pays for her own room then cool, she can do what she wants. I think you're being fair by paying. I am married and sharing with another bridesmaid for my friends wedding next year, DH will be staying at home. I don't care, it's for a wedding! I like the idea of bridal party all together for the evening before and morning and it's how it worked at my own wedding.

When is the wedding?

[quote weddingdramagreat]@Bangolads because if we're supposed to be close enough that she's my bridesmaid then just saying 'don't want to cba' is rude.

Would rather someone said no I don't want to be a bridesmaid.

@Pipsquiggle ushers and BM are mix, couples staying together. Singles sharing. They don't seem to have batted an eye lid.[/quote]
So use this as an example to her -

'I would love you to come up the night before, we cannot afford to pay for everyone to have a single room so if you would like your own room, you will need to pay for it.'

Ideally could you not have a chat about this.

The other thing to think about - does she earn a lot less than you?

I hate sharing a room. I snore really loudly and have IBS. I don't want to have a miserable night knowing I'm making someone else miserable. So I'd pay for my own room if possible.

I can't bear sharing a room and haven't done so since I was in my early twenties. I'm a bridesmaid next year and both sets of bridesmaids are sharing rooms. I am not. But I've paid for mine.

@NataliaSerene

When is the wedding?

Why?

Are you going to turn up?

it's in March, says so in the OP

@Pipsquiggle no, I didn't mention because it would rile people up because 'how would I know' and 'none of my business' but she easily earns double.

I'm just going to go along with her coming in the morning. Don't want any drama!

@weddingdramagreat

In hindsight, we shouldn't have offered to pay for anyone's rooms. They could have sorted it out themselves, like every other wedding I've ever been to!

Yes, hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I do think you were being very generous on the rooms. I have been a bridesmaid 6 times and never had my room paid for

Did I miss what time of day the wedding is?

@WouldBeGood

But if the *@weddingdramagreat* hadn’t mentioned the DCs this being MN someone would have been on to say: Well, maybe she has DCs, I’m still breastfeeding my six year old and I’ve never been away from their side, why won’t you think of the children?!

There’s also loads of people a) Commenting on their IBS, snoring and God knows what else even after OP said that BM was sharing room for 2nd night b) Saying that they would pay for their own room with OP has already said BM didn’t mention anything about that.

Again the point of the OP was the BM’s contempt for being asked to share a room. Not whether she should share a room. Or come on the morning. But whether it was U to ask her to share one.

Also @weddingdramagreat you’ve done the right thing. Enjoy your wedding and don’t let her ruin it xx

I’ve been bridesmaid quite a few times and I think what you are offering is very generous!

Fair enough if she has string feelings about wanting her own room, but she should then have offered to pay for her own, rather than refuse outright to stay the night befire

@TractorAndHeadphones

Also *@weddingdramagreat* you’ve done the right thing. Enjoy your wedding and don’t let her ruin it xx

I know you are trying to be helpful and supportive, but why are you introducing this idea that one of the OP's bridesmaids has some kind of a plan to ruin her wedding? Can't you see what an incredibly destructive thing that is to say?

She just doesn't (for whatever reason) want to share a bedroom. That is not trying to ruin someone's wedding.

@PleasantBirthday eh? It’s just a word, I didn’t spend 10 minutes thinking about what I was going to type. You’re the one using hyperbole like ‘incredibly’ destructive. Stop overthinking

OP I think your mistake was paying for some people (couples) to have private rooms and not others. Sharing with your husband is very different to sharing with a friend.

And springing it on people at short notice… YOU want them there the night before, but as they have no partner you’ve put them in a room with another single person. That’s bound to upset some people.

There could be so many reasons this bridesmaid doesn’t want to share, from embarrassing health issues she prefers to keep private, to an issue with her roommate or trouble getting a train/driving to the hotel early enough after work.

@FateHasRedesignedMost the wedding is in March. I have hardly sprung it on them.

If you read all my posts - no health issues.

Going off some of the posts here, she's annoyed and being treated 'differently' because she's single.

I wouldnt share a room, but ID OFFER to pay the difference for my own room.
So i think your NOT being tight, she is!

If she doesn't want to share and you insist she comes the day before, then personally I would just pay for her room. You are being generous paying for her accommodation, but equally you can't expect her to share if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so. The bride and groom have always either paid for my room or put me up in their house the day before their wedding when I have been a bridesmaid (although I did share each time we were in a hotel). When I got married we paid for accommodation for the wedding party for two nights. I did suggest two of my bridesmaids who are old friends (and were single at the time) shared, but one said she snored and would not feel comfrotable sharing, so I just accepted that.

I really think you have to respect you friends wishes and, if you are not prepared to accept her travelling down on the day, probably pay for her to have her own room. It isn't worth the stress.

@PurpleOkapi

To clarify, if you'd booked a three-person room and told them all - including the married bridesmaid - that they'd have to pay for their own upgrade if they wanted a room to themselves, I wouldn't take issue with it. Her husband doesn't have to be there the night before, and she could carpool with one of the other bridesmaids if they only have one car. The problem is paying for one bridesmaid's preference for a private room while telling another that she has to pay for it herself.

But even then, the bottom line would still be that you can't just order them to spend the night there, regardless of their reasons for not wanting to.

I agree with this. If married bridesmaid weren't being given special treatment there'd be less of an issue.

Expecting people to give up yet another afternoon/evening on top of the wedding day is a lot, though.

@Satlie2019

If she doesn't want to share and you insist she comes the day before, then personally I would just pay for her room. You are being generous paying for her accommodation, but equally you can't expect her to share if she doesn't feel comfortable doing so. The bride and groom have always either paid for my room or put me up in their house the day before their wedding when I have been a bridesmaid (although I did share each time we were in a hotel). When I got married we paid for accommodation for the wedding party for two nights. I did suggest two of my bridesmaids who are old friends (and were single at the time) shared, but one said she snored and would not feel comfrotable sharing, so I just accepted that.

I really think you have to respect you friends wishes and, if you are not prepared to accept her travelling down on the day, probably pay for her to have her own room. It isn't worth the stress.

OP has already said she’s letting her travel down in the morning…??

[quote weddingdramagreat]@FateHasRedesignedMost the wedding is in March. I have hardly sprung it on them.

If you read all my posts - no health issues.

Going off some of the posts here, she's annoyed and being treated 'differently' because she's single.[/quote]
I think so too. Or she has a chip on her shoulder about something else.
Because she’s not the only single one is she? Ushers etc have the same arrangement with couples in the same room and singles sharing.

Splitting by gender would be worse IMO because you’d have people sleeping with strangers. In this case yes the married BM is sharing with her DH but the other two have shared before! So both married and single are sleeping with people they’re used to sleeping with. How is this unfair treatment?

"Expecting people to give up yet another afternoon/evening on top of the wedding day is a lot, though."

@KosherDill really, even if you're in the bridal party?

It's on Friday night and a whole day on the Saturday. It's not a huge ask for a bridesmaid.

OP has already said she’s letting her travel down in the morning…??

Letting her?!