Bridezilla?

[weddingdramagreat]

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

@PleasantBirthday

OP has already said she’s letting her travel down in the morning…??

Letting her?!

Why do you keep jumping on my words? Honestly get a life 😂

Why do you keep jumping on my words? Honestly get a life

Well, I didn't look at the names and didn't know it was the same person. However, thinking before you type would help. I just don't know why some people, not just you, but including you, are trying to make the OP think the very worst of her friend and ascribe the very lowest possible motives to her. Weddings are incredibly stressful and people are inclined to be in a bit of a fog where something essentially quite minor becomes something more. This is why you often hear of friends and family fallout out for a long time over issues which, when they're talked about later, would not cause that kind of stress.

Oh sorry OP, I misread your previous comment. Thought you were saying you didn't want her to travel down in the morning. My mistake.

If you are giving her this option think you are being entirely reasonable then. Her choice now.

@hangrylady

She's being a dick IMO, especially as she is friends with the person she is sharing with. Nobody like sharing a room but I'd do it for my good friend getting married.

Agree

For an easy life I would just get her another room and thank her so much for agreeing to be your bridesmaid and smile.
It a tiny cost and she might not be comfortable staying. with someone else. My wife has been a bridesmaid and it has been a pain in the ass at times so maybe she is doing her bit. Book a room, thank her, smile and have a great day. Dont exclude her.

@PleasantBirthday

Why do you keep jumping on my words? Honestly get a life

Well, I didn't look at the names and didn't know it was the same person. However, thinking before you type would help. I just don't know why some people, not just you, but including you, are trying to make the OP think the very worst of her friend and ascribe the very lowest possible motives to her. Weddings are incredibly stressful and people are inclined to be in a bit of a fog where something essentially quite minor becomes something more. This is why you often hear of friends and family fallout out for a long time over issues which, when they're talked about later, would not cause that kind of stress.

Oh the irony! It was the friend who called sharing a room ‘ridiculous’. The OP is about her being made to feel stingy/ungenerous. Not about what anybody should do.

Whatever the reason for not wanting to share there was no need for such rudeness. Not wrong for OP to feel put out. That’s all.

@Satlie2019

Oh sorry OP, I misread your previous comment. Thought you were saying you didn't want her to travel down in the morning. My mistake.

If you are giving her this option think you are being entirely reasonable then. Her choice now.

@PleasantBirthday are you going to jump on this poster for using the phrase ‘giving her the option’ as well?

are you going to jump on this poster for using the phrase ‘giving her the option’ as well?

Sure. I don't think that it's in anyone's gift to tell another adult where they may sleep. I think it's a ridiculous way to phrase it. Should never be, or be seen to be, what someone may be allowed to do. When you start thinking that you have any right to think like that, you already set yourself up for unnecessary conflict.

I refuse to share a room. Fortunately with my group of friends there is an odd number so it work's out ok.

However l have refused to attend events when made to share. I'd rather miss out or pay single supplement

@PleasantBirthday

are you going to jump on this poster for using the phrase ‘giving her the option’ as well?

Sure. I don't think that it's in anyone's gift to tell another adult where they may sleep. I think it's a ridiculous way to phrase it. Should never be, or be seen to be, what someone may be allowed to do. When you start thinking that you have any right to think like that, you already set yourself up for unnecessary conflict.

So you don’t think the friend was rude at all to call it ridiculous? Again - It’s just a phrase people use. It’s not that the OP’s holding a gun to her friend’s head and forcing her to follow instructions. In fact the OP has made no fuss at all about what the friend chooses to do. It’s the rudeness that’s the point of the thread.

What time does she need to be there in the morning to fit in for any hair and make up? Is that practical with driving up on the day without involving a very early start?

Seems odd to be happy to share night 2 but but night 2 and with a person she had shared before very recently.

So you don’t think the friend was rude at all to call it ridiculous?

Of course it was rude, to say that but it's pointless to dwell on it, she's not here so she won't know what I think of her manners or conduct in this matter.

I don't think it is only the rudeness that's the point here - it's what we can reasonably expect of other people. I think that both parties here are right and wrong. You can't enforce sleeping arrangements on adults, you can't expect adults to pay for a hotel room to suit your requirements. The question then becomes, how important is it that people do what you want - is it worth straining a friendship over? It depends. if you think a friend who is a bridesmaid would do what you want, then possibly it it worth it. If not, then accept that people sometimes do what they do and accept that there's only so much you can ask of people and that's fine.

My real issue is that many posters are encouraging the bride here to see this as some kind of calculated slight and react accordingly. I know when I got married I had to bite my tongue about lots of things that I wouldn't normally care about and don't care about since but if I'd had a lot of people telling me that someone was jealous or trying to ruin my wedding or doing something out of spite, I might have said things that can't be unsaid.

@PleasantBirthday

So you don’t think the friend was rude at all to call it ridiculous?

Of course it was rude, to say that but it's pointless to dwell on it, she's not here so she won't know what I think of her manners or conduct in this matter.

I don't think it is only the rudeness that's the point here - it's what we can reasonably expect of other people. I think that both parties here are right and wrong. You can't enforce sleeping arrangements on adults, you can't expect adults to pay for a hotel room to suit your requirements. The question then becomes, how important is it that people do what you want - is it worth straining a friendship over? It depends. if you think a friend who is a bridesmaid would do what you want, then possibly it it worth it. If not, then accept that people sometimes do what they do and accept that there's only so much you can ask of people and that's fine.

My real issue is that many posters are encouraging the bride here to see this as some kind of calculated slight and react accordingly. I know when I got married I had to bite my tongue about lots of things that I wouldn't normally care about and don't care about since but if I'd had a lot of people telling me that someone was jealous or trying to ruin my wedding or doing something out of spite, I might have said things that can't be unsaid.

@PleasantBirthday Thats a very good, pragmatic and wise post. Theres no need for drama here and as you say many posters encouraging that should pipe down.

To the OP: Smile, wave, pay for the room and be gracious. Inside you can question and debate the WTF? aspect of it all you like!

I’m another one who feels that some posters are unnecessarily fuelling drama with their posts. This is about a very longstanding friendship and one that obviously means a lot to the OP. There really doesn’t need to be any drama, the friend is still going to be a bridesmaid, she’ll just be arriving on the day rather than the night before.

Yes, it sounds like the friend may well have been rude in the way she expressed herself, but she still isn’t unreasonable to not want to share a room IMO.

Or maybe the other bridesmaid farts a lot in her sleep and she doesn't want to float away in the night.

'She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.'

That's a MASSIVE assumption. Just because she doesn't have a husband/partner/ child doesn't mean she doesn't have commitments.

There's a very limited number of people I would share a room with at my age, and I'm younger than her. But I agree, she should pay the difference if sharing doesn't work for her.

I would pay for my own room as I am a grown up and would not expect to share.

I would never share a room, mainly because I snore. I would however pay for my own room.

I would still like to know how much money is involved. What's the cost of a room per night?

I think you should pay for a single room for her. Small amount to keep the peace.

I would not want to share a room.

she sounds very self centred and prob couldnt give a toss about being a bm

everyone else is sharing i dont see the problem

@LittleGwyneth

'She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.'

That's a MASSIVE assumption. Just because she doesn't have a husband/partner/ child doesn't mean she doesn't have commitments.

There's a very limited number of people I would share a room with at my age, and I'm younger than her. But I agree, she should pay the difference if sharing doesn't work for her.

If she had a commitment next march she could just say so now couldnt she

@weddingdramagreat

"Expecting people to give up yet another afternoon/evening on top of the wedding day is a lot, though."

@KosherDill really, even if you're in the bridal party?

It's on Friday night and a whole day on the Saturday. It's not a huge ask for a bridesmaid.

I think it is.

People have lives. Weddings have morphed from a few hours to daylong extravaganzas to now weekend-long obligations. Not everyone enjoys it or wants to be immersed, even close friends.

Some of the replies on this thread are just being deliberately goady. The notion that asking a really close friend to stay with you the night before your wedding is unreasonable!? What nonsense. Ok so she doesn't want to share a room, that's her prerogative, but it's unreasonable asking her to stay? How entitled of her!

exactly i asked my friend to come to my wedding in vegas-completely up tp her of course and she came for a week-i would have been happy just for a couple of days