Bridezilla?

[weddingdramagreat]

Live in London, getting married 3 hours outside of London in my hometown in March.

I have invited the 3 bridesmaids down the evening before to have dinner together and to make things easier as we are up reasonably early the next day.

We are paying for the dresses, hair and makeup, accommodation and all food and drink over the weekend.

The caveat is that they are sharing rooms (2 in one and the other in a room with her husband).

One is now refusing to come down the night before because she hates sharing rooms and says 'it's ridiculous to be asked to share at our age' (we are all 32). She's single and no kids so has no commitments in London she needs to stay for.

Travelling down the morning of the wedding means things could go wrong / she might be late etc and also I was hoping to spend the morning with my close friends on my wedding day.

AIBU to think it's ok to share rooms occasionally in times like this, just for 2 nights? Or are we being demanding / stingey?

I would have said "thank you for your generous offer, but I will pay for my own room as I don't like sharing".

Age does not weigh on room sharing me and my girlfriends love sharing rooms on weekends away that's the fun in it get tipsy and all fall asleep on the bed..

If she don't like it yeah book her own, but i know me I'd be pissed if she weren't there from the night before just because it's my wedding and that's an added stress as to will she be late..

I think you should have offered them separate rooms. After all, you want them there and are rightfully paying for their outfits, hair and make up.

I wouldn’t like being lumped into a room with a friend the night before the wedding. In my early 20s fair enough, but not in my 30s. I need a good night’s sleep and space and privacy to get ready in the morning. Waiting to use the shared email suite loo and shower will be awkward and potentially embarrassing.

You could have asked them if they minded sharing instead of assuming they’d be ok for it. Sounds like they’re travelling a long way on your behalf.

I think this is really generous of you. Sounds like you are trying to make your best friends a part of your special day as much as possible. It's not that bad to share a room for a couple of days with a close friend.
Personally to me I think she is being unreasonable. Especially as you said she shared when you was away on holiday. Explain your haven't got in it your budget and if she wishes for her own room then she will need to pay for it. I feel she may be a tad jealous that this is your big day or maybe because she feels that once you are married she may loose the friend she has had for so long. I hope you get to resolve this and have a fabulous day cx

OP where are you staying the night before your wedding? Do you have your own room?

If so it sounds a bit like one rule for some and another rule for others. The married bridesmaid gets her own room (with husband) but the 2 single ones get told to share. They may have travelled together and shared rooms in the past but it doesn’t mean they feel ok with it now?

As you’re summoning them the night before to be there to help you dress etc the next day, don’t you think their comfort and privacy is important too?

When I married my 2 bridesmaids stayed the night before in my flat. It was fun, but crowded. Tripping over each other’s stuff, waiting for the one bathroom, trying to use the one mirror. In hindsight I would have got a large hotel room for the 3 of us, or if they weren’t happy sharing then 3 separate rooms, maybe with adjoining doors to make it easier in the morning.

Much nicer than “ so my wedding is a million miles from civilisation, and we’ve not paid for a coach and the rooms are £150 and you’ll probably need 2 nights and there’s no premier in nearby “
( if you have one of these weddings, I’m not coming what a f*cking drag. Did it once, never again )
If she wants to pay for her own room, fine. You’ve offered. If she wants to mess about driving down on the morning, fine- but you guys don’t wait for her to pop the champagne or stress out if her hair n makeup arent done !
As others have said: Is she driving back the same night if it’s so awful to share?
Find someone who wouldn’t mind bunking in with the other bridesmaid and happy to chillax ( or even join in) whilst you guys are getting ready - may as well get the use out of the room!

No not Bridezilla if she wants her own room she can pay for it

I wouldn’t want to share a room either. I need space on my own to re-charge. I imagine it will be a full on couple of days with the wedding, so would doubly need to have somewhere to retreat without having to worry about someone else. I don’t think you are being tight, but I also don’t think your friend is at all unreasonable on this.

Book another room and pay half towards it for each of them. They both get a room each and it’s not costing you any extra, plus you are being more than generous with all of the things you are already paying for.

Honestly? I think She’s got a chip on her shoulder about you getting married and her not. It’s that simple, I had a bridesmaid like this but 1000 times worse, nothing I did was good enough. You’ve been completely generous and reasonable and this is the one thing she could find to pick at to project the unsettled emotions she’s feeling.

I HATE sharing a room with anyone other than DH as I Don’t get a wink of sleep.

I’m sure she feels she will be in much better form and ready to help you more if she wakes up fresh and well rested. At 32 she can surely get herself to your location on time.

However I would have just paid for my own room in her circumstances.

@Pbbananabagel WOW! A chip on her shoulder because she does not want to share her personal space and sleep with another person?

The girl isn’t pulling out of the wedding or demanding anything of the bride. She has just decided to make her own way to the wedding on the day……….

Bridezillasrus!

I think I kind of see her point actually, basically if she were married you would have put her up in a room with her husband? And the other bm in another room? Personally I would not get het up about this but I can see how she’s thinking. All the same, I would stick to your guns, she’s being precious to make a big thing out of it. If she’s not happy she should get her own room and pay for it herself.

@Somersetlady if she were being reasonable she’d either say to OP “I’m really grateful for the offer but would just prefer to come on my own on the day.” OR she would have offered to pay for her own room, either of which would be totally reasonable. The impression from the OP’s posts is that she expects her to book an extra room for her. It’s weird if there isn’t something else going on.

My bridesmaidzilla spent hours on the phone to me going on about how she couldn’t afford my hen for (despite it being paid for and travel being arranged- I said it was fine and no problem, she just wanted to moan to me about it) she spent hours going on about not being able to find a dress despite one being provided for her (she didn’t like it) she asked to book a room at the venue, cancelled last minute then spent days saying she didn’t know if she was coming as the room she was offered paid for by me wasn’t as grand as the ones the other members of the wedding party were in (that they had booked themselves). It was a nightmare and I was 7 months pregnant so…. No. Not a bridezilla. Neither was this bride. Some people… weddings just bring out the worst in them.

Oh my, I would tell her if she wants her own room she has to pay for it herself. I'm in my late 30's and while I dont particularly like sharing a hotel room with others it is something I have had to do on occasion (for work conferences/friends weddings). Your not a bridezilla, I think your being very generous.

I think she’s being unreasonable and you’re not being stingy!

She's being ridiculous unless there's some special reason she can't share. I've done this so many times and it never occurred to me to object - what's to object to?

Having said that, you can't do anything about it really so just carry on and trust that she'll make the wedding (she definitely will).

But for what it's worth I think you're 100% in the right and she is being unreasonable.

If she's so fussy about wanting a room of her own, perhaps she should get on and pay for it herself. She should not expect you to pay. And as it's one night ony, what has she got to hide, it's so childish.

I think She’s got a chip on her shoulder about you getting married and her not

I think you are projecting somewhat.

I've done this so many times and it never occurred to me to object - what's to object to?

She isn't you. She probably does have something to object to as do other posters who have posted on this thread who dislike sharing. People aren't all the same.

@RampantIvy entirely possible, it’s true, I’m scarred, so my opinion that’s it’s a projection could be my projection absolutely

In my view, if you would like her there night before, and she is asking for a separate room then I would book it as otherwise she’s offered a solution which is to travel to the venue on the day.

There could be lots of reasons she doesn’t want to share, as mentioned by others. Even just the basics of having to go to bed and get up at same time as the other girl…it’s no fun if one is in bed much earlier than the other - for either party.

I understand your perspective completely but I think you need to try and understand hers. I personally would hate to share a room with someone, even a close friend of mine. It's hard to explain exactly why but the thought of it makes me really anxious. I wouldn't be able to relax, I wouldn't sleep well. I'd absolutely hate sharing a bathroom (I admit I'm a bit uptight about bodily functions). I don't think I'd be able to do it for 2 nights. Just because you don't feel like that doesn't mean you should dismiss her feelings. She has the option of paying for her own room but maybe money's tight for her and rooms at the venue are expensive. Just let her get on with it. I think you shouldn't take it personally at all. This isn't about you or your friendship - it's about her own discomfort and anxiety.

Just tell her the plans and tell her it's up to her what she decides but that's what's happening. You'll be with the bridesmaids in the evening and the next morning. If she's not there or wants to book her own room then that's on her and she misses out.

Also, you're planning an entire wedding with many moving pieces. I would have to add to her that her small issue has to be solved by her because you're just too busy to handle anymore of the load and mental tasks. You've sorted something for her, it's up to her to take it or do something else.

YABNU (absolutely not!)
I think you’ve been lovely and exceptionally generous OP, I’ve been bridesmaid twice and MOH twice and had to pay accommodation for several nights each time (including taking a young child and DP who missed most of the evening reception after taking DC to bed!) and just sucked it up because that’s what you do when your closest friends get married!

I’d just respond with your happy for her to have her own room but your budget stretches to X amount of rooms so you can’t afford to pay for any more etc