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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be narked off with DH who is 'too busy' to take some some off work to look after OUR sick children but not 'too busy' to leave the office at 5pm and go out on the piss !

106 replies

CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 11:39

I have taken two days off work in the last week to look after our DS as they have been unwell . DH is FAR too busy to take time off work , however not busy enough that he is able to leave at 5pm and go out on the piss !

Last week he was out three nights after work when he does get paid for overtime and my view is if you are very busy at work use that time to catch up and not go out drinking !

I am due to go out tonight , initally I thought I wouldn't go as I was up last night with ill child but hey I have thought sod it , why should he have all the fun.

A bit of a rant !

OP posts:
Bouncingturtle · 13/12/2007 11:44

No YANBU - if he is that busy he can't take time off, he should at least endeavour to get home on time to give you a break from looking after your little poorlies. Hope they feel better soon.

deenymcqueenygoreandguts · 13/12/2007 11:47

Tell me about it, you are NOT bieng unreasonable.
Mine is the same, or if there is football on telly he will finish early to come home and watch it, yet if i want him to pick ds up from school one day because i am at a meeting at work...he is too busy so i cant go to my meetings.

BASTARD, i get realy mad with him about this.

normally he is a lovely lovely hubby and a gorgeous dad, but this he does regularly.

Brangelina · 13/12/2007 11:50

No YANBU. I got a call from nursery today to say lo is unwell so can I go and pick her up. I asked DP who is 10 mins away to do it but he is "too busy". Too busy on ebay more likely!

I'm working in a different town today and have a 1.5 hour train journey, so won't get there till 3 at the soonest. OK, I've finished what I have to do and was going to knock off early but it's still a pain. Lazy git

Original poster
CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 12:00

the thing is if I dont go into work they have to find someone to replace me ( work at a preschool so staff ratios etc ) , if he doesn't go in then no one has to replace him.

The annoying thing is HE tooka day off work on Monday because he was unwell and took it as holiday as he didn't want to phone in sick. then spent the rest of the day saying how poorly he was , howver I went to work in the morning , on way home did weekly shop etc etc.

Last Saturday he spent in bed as he was 'poorly' which he was however he wasn't helped by three nights out on the lash !!! ARGGGHHHHHH !!

I am the only one in the house who hasn't been unwell but even if I was my life would have to carry on as normal . However this Sunday afternoon I may feel a migraine coming on . .

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 12:04

So why let them get away with it?

Why not say "You'll HAVE to do it as I can't leave now. If YOU don't do it, our child will be left all on her own now move". Why is that so difficult?

Original poster
CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 12:08

Let them get away with it , you should hear the flaming rows we have about it !

OP posts:
clam · 13/12/2007 12:09

To be fair, my DH has always been very 'hands on' with our DCs, but even so, he still has a tendency to give the impression that he is doing me a favour, or 'helping me out' when he picks them up. If there's a problem with illness/after school cover, then he's more than likely to dismiss it with "Well, I can't do it." And if I can't either? Oh yes! I have to go regardless. He'll often excuse himself by saying, 'but I got them last Wednesday.' But if he wasn't working that day anyway, then surely that doesn't count? I don't work Thursdays and Fridays and therefore automatically do it then, but I don't throw that at him. Often.

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 12:12

because most men just wont DO it, that is why happydaddy.

Yesterday, I was home with my sick toddler. Our au pair was late, I was banking on her to be home at 3 pm (from christmas shopping), and that is when I have to leave home to go and pick up our son. I asked him, as he was working from home (garden office), if he could either look after the sick toddler who had just fallen asleep, so I could go pick up our oldest, OR go pick up the oldest. He refused. Simple as that. And as a responsible parent I cant then just say sod it and leave the house empty and go pick up my oldest.
Luckily another parent could bring my son home.

Many men are masters as shodding all parent responsibilities when it suits them, with no regard for the inconvenience and ill fealing it causes their partners, and the children. Because they know that their wifes will not act in any way that is irresponsible to their child, so they can.

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 12:13

If you're having rows and he's still doing it, then you're letting him get away with it? How is that equal parenting?

Why does he need praise for being a hands on dad, anyway? He's not that great if he can't do his share of prioritising the family over social life.

He either puts family first or he doesn't. It's not selective. You don't have the option to say no so why should he?

clam · 13/12/2007 12:15

CaptainUnderpants...... have you seen the sketch on YouTube about the Man Cold? _ Hilarious! ( or google it)

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 12:15

But you LET him refuse. If he's working in the bloody garden why not say "Look, I'm going out because I have to. our sick child is in the house and is now YOUR responsiblity til I get back. Deal with it."

They refuse because they know you'll do it if they moan enough.

Don't get me wrong, I think THEY are pathetic. But you can't expect them to change if you let them off repeatedly.

bethoo · 13/12/2007 12:17

YANBU! My dp left me when i thought i was having a miscarriage to go to a music festival!

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 12:18

HappyDaddy, he wouldnt go in. If something happened to our youngest while I was away for 30 minutes, it would be my fault, as I left him there. In his opinon his time and his work is top priority. Moving his laptop inside for half an hour and work from inside would be too big disruption to him. But I have come to realize that my husband is probably developing into the most selfcentred egomaniac twat this planet has hosted.

Brangelina · 13/12/2007 12:18

I would have insisted more but I can get away (although he doesn't know that yet). I have insisted in the past when I've had meetings or am quite simply abroad (no choice there lol), but the trouble is he knows my job is flexible and that I can work from home, although he doesn't appreciate hos impossible it is to do so with a small child.

What irks me is the tone he adopts, as if his job is more important than mine (it definitely isn't) and the long face and air of pained self sacrifice when I have a trip abroad for 1 night or will be getting back late so he has to do dinner and bed. He even tries to convince me to put off work trips - if I did it would be career suicide - yet he loves my salary.

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 12:20

Brangelina that is truly

You should have told the nursery to phone your dh as he is only 10 mins away

clam · 13/12/2007 12:23

Quintessential..... no, it would be HIS fault, as you had passed over responsibility for DS to him. But I understand that whose fault it is is little comfort as you're on the way to A & E!

clam · 13/12/2007 12:24

Quintessential..... no, it would be HIS fault, as you had passed over responsibility for DS to him. But I understand that whose fault it is is little comfort as you're on the way to A & E!

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 12:25

Thats just it clam. He would say it wasnt his fault because he clearly did not accept responsibility. It is just "word game" territory, and at the end of the day it doesnt matter whose fault it is, but it could have been avoided.

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 12:25

Exactly, so he stamps his foot and moans and you give in. Are you his mother?

Fuck me, ladies, sort them out. Do you really want to be married to men who don't give a fuck about anyone but themselves?

Sheesh.

Brangelina · 13/12/2007 12:25

They did because my mobile was switched as I was in a meeting. He called me on the landline 10 minutes later all in a tizzy. My meeting had finished but I didn't tell him that, told him to sort out the nursery and if they couldn't wait till 3 then he had to go.

Unfortunately for me they could wait....

Got to get my train now.

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 12:26

Personally, I'd be completely ashamed of myself if I acted like your DHs do.

Original poster
CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 12:28

Perhaps WE have an conscience and SOME of those DH out there dont !

That clip from you tube just sums it up really ! Man Cold

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 12:33

So you're just going to carry on like it, moaning when it happens again but doing nothing about it?

Good luck.

motherinferior · 13/12/2007 12:33
stoppinattwo · 13/12/2007 12:35

Well said Happy Daddy, You dont want to be asking if they will mind the kids, it should be a case of it is also your responsibility. I am doing this now so you need to look after our children....now get on with it.

You do need to be quite hard hearted about it but it really does pay off.