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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be narked off with DH who is 'too busy' to take some some off work to look after OUR sick children but not 'too busy' to leave the office at 5pm and go out on the piss !

106 replies

CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 11:39

I have taken two days off work in the last week to look after our DS as they have been unwell . DH is FAR too busy to take time off work , however not busy enough that he is able to leave at 5pm and go out on the piss !

Last week he was out three nights after work when he does get paid for overtime and my view is if you are very busy at work use that time to catch up and not go out drinking !

I am due to go out tonight , initally I thought I wouldn't go as I was up last night with ill child but hey I have thought sod it , why should he have all the fun.

A bit of a rant !

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 12:36

HappyDaddy, no I dont want to be married to a twat. But "sorting out" grown men is easier said than done. I have tried, but no amount of explaining, and no amount of arguing, and no amount of just leaving responsibility with him has worked. Heck, this is the guy who wanted to bring our 5 year old to school on the back of his motorbike (without proper safety gear) because he wanted to take his motorbike to work on site one day. This way forcing me to get up extremely early, bring my toddler to nursery in one town centre, and my son to school in the neighbouring town. He did eventually relent on that one, and cycled to site with the toddler in the trailer. We were arguing a whole evening about that one.

Original poster
CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 12:38

Well Happy Daddy - how do you suggest that we solve these problems ?

I could tie my Dh up up and keep him prisoner in his own home so he physicaly can not leave for work at 6.30am !

I could stand outside his office and TRY and drag him home straight after work with two children in tow. Meaning that I would have to take a train journey into London to do that .

Come on lets hear these suggestions .

No doubt we all have gone donw the resoanable route and tried talking about.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 12:38

HappyDaddy, what course of action do you suggest when reasonable men slowly change into selfish oafs which are a pain to live with?

foxinsocks · 13/12/2007 12:39

The school now phone dh when one of mine are ill (and my goodness it happens a lot!) . It's MARVELLOUS!

Seriously though - I do think Happydaddy has a point. They have got away with it and continue to do so. Give the school/nursery their numbers and ASK them to call them the next time one of your children is ill.

foxinsocks · 13/12/2007 12:41

one of mine IS ill not are (am all over the place today).

Just make them do it. Say you can't get back or whatever.

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 12:41

Both parents have 100 % responsibility (legal and otherwise) for their children, its not even split 50-50

Tell your dh's to get their heads around that fact

clam · 13/12/2007 12:41

Maybe we should get them to sign a pick-up rota in advance - before the s**g that begat the DCs in the first place!

LazyLinePainterJane · 13/12/2007 12:42

Oh god, I totally agree with HappyDaddy.

Don't stand for it!

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 12:44

HappyDaddy you're making the whole female population of mumsnet very Happy

Luckily my dh is already on that track otherwise I might want to marry you

Original poster
CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 12:44

Talk talk talk - it goes in one ear and out the other !

Lets face it they like doing the nice things with them but when it comes to 'real hands on parenting ' i.e diahorrea in pants , cleaning up sick , they take a back seat !

RANT RANT RANT

I feel a dose of 'pissed off wife flu' coming on !

OP posts:
clam · 13/12/2007 12:44

OH! How spooky is this? DDs school just rang. She needs picking up! Shall I call DH and say I'm busy on a conference call with Mumsnet and can't go?

Original poster
CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 12:46

On go on Clam - see what happens !

OP posts:
cestlavie · 13/12/2007 12:47

Absolutely with HappyDaddy here... if I repeatedly said to DW (who also works) "No, you get him again" I imagine her response would be along the lines of "No, you fucking get him, sunshine, I've had to do it twice this week already".

I'm not sure I've got any helpful suggestions though since looking after your kids seems pretty bloody obviously to require both of you to do it so if a guy can't grasp that I'm not sure he's bright enough to grasp much else.

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 12:54

I think it is just a case of bloodymindednes, it does not suit him right now, and an inability to see the whole picture, like anothers point of view. Yesterday, we were writing christmas cards, the Au Pair was writing hers, our oldest was writing to the children in his class, I was writing cards, and the toddler was scribbling on cards, we were listening to Christmas music, O Holy Night, on Utube. So DH comes in and say, "Turn of that music NOW!". I mean, wtf? What sort of person does that? I did not turn it off, and went back to the garden office and stayed there till 2 am, then he blamed me saying it was my fault his kids did not get a goodnight story from him.

At some point you give up and you start seriously considering whether life as a single parent would actually be better.

melsy · 13/12/2007 12:54

wow it seems to be catching this sod man disease! I was talkingof a very similar thing on my thread last night.

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 12:55

sorry, I meant, then he left and went to the garden office.

melsy · 13/12/2007 12:55

here

Original poster
CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 13:01

I hate this time of year with Xmas piss ups !
I have to ensure that DH is home , write it on the calender etc before I acn go out. I begrudge paying a baysitter when DH should be home !

As he works in London he goes out straight after work. We made an agreement ( once upon a dim and distante past) that if its not on the calender then you dont go out ! I think I will have to remind him of that !

OP posts:
Original poster
CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 13:05

Must leave , off to mop DS2 brow !

OP posts:
OverMyDeadStuffedTurkey · 13/12/2007 13:10

threads like this make me so happy I'm a single parent!

margoandjerry · 13/12/2007 13:14

Amen to that Turkey

clam · 13/12/2007 13:15

Quintessential..... it sounds like there are deeper issues going on between you and DH than who collects a child when the other is ill. Is he being deliberately uncooperative in many other areas? And if so, then it's going to be harder to deal with than the suggestions made so far.

upallnightagain · 13/12/2007 13:15

You are not been unreasonable at all !! My DH had a look of horror when I told him he may have to take time off work to look after sick child when I returned to work in sept . So far I have taken 4 days off , DH none . He works in private sector and I work in the nhs so assumes the nhs are more flexible and understanding .......Any tips on how to improve things from more experienced mums ?

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 13:17

Ah but my dh was phoned on Tuesday (he was working from home) to collect dd from school as she started shivery shaky flu type thing, and he rang me at work to say he was on way to get her (and he was double the distance away)

Some of us have trained responsible dh's

expatinscotland · 13/12/2007 13:18

Yeah, I'd be pissed off.

Why? Because that's so disrespectful of you, your time and your kids. And immature and selfish.

I don't understand people like this.