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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be narked off with DH who is 'too busy' to take some some off work to look after OUR sick children but not 'too busy' to leave the office at 5pm and go out on the piss !

106 replies

CaptainUnderpants · 13/12/2007 11:39

I have taken two days off work in the last week to look after our DS as they have been unwell . DH is FAR too busy to take time off work , however not busy enough that he is able to leave at 5pm and go out on the piss !

Last week he was out three nights after work when he does get paid for overtime and my view is if you are very busy at work use that time to catch up and not go out drinking !

I am due to go out tonight , initally I thought I wouldn't go as I was up last night with ill child but hey I have thought sod it , why should he have all the fun.

A bit of a rant !

OP posts:
Bensonbluebird · 13/12/2007 13:19

DP and I alternate taking time off if one of the DCs is ill. If your kids are in childcare it is so BOTH parents can work, so both parents need to take responsibility if other arrangements need to be made to look after the kids.

One of the reasons we aren't married is so I can say ' Do it yourself I'm not your wife'

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 13:20

Wife is not subservient subset

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 13:20

These men are not "unable" to see their responsibilites, nor are they "unable" to see that what they WANT to do conflicts with what they SHOULD do. The CHOOSE to be selfish. Point out to them that you will not tolerate being married to a child. Tell him he either sorts it out or he goes to his mums and explains to her why he is sleeping on her sofa.

Tell them to grow the fuck up or get the fuck out. Be firm and don't back down.

Bensonbluebird · 13/12/2007 13:20

That's the point!

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 13:21
expatinscotland · 13/12/2007 13:23

Claps for HappyDaddy!

I wanted to write something along those lines, but then I get accused of being intolerant.

Well, I am. I wouldn't treat my partner, spouse, or friend like that so why put up with that sort of behaviour off the father of your children?

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 13:23

swoon at HD obv

Benson, I repeat "wife" does not mean subservient to "husband"

Do keep up dear

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 13:25

These are the sorts of threads that show me just how far women's lib needs to go. You all work bloody hard, you raise a family too. Mr husband swans about "working hard" and pitching in when he feels like it.

But even you enlightened women often say "he's a selfish twat BUT he's such a good daaaaaaaaad". No he isn't. I'll also bet if he's selfish about this, he's selfish about other things too.

If I had to explain to my mother that kind of behaviour, she'd kick my arse. If their mother's call you and say you are unreasonable, well there's the source of your problem. Poor little mummy's boy doesn't like being found out.

Kick 'em all in the cock! Petticoats rule!

Bensonbluebird · 13/12/2007 13:26

Star er, that's still my point. It's a joke.
Sadly, there do seem to be a lot of husbands out there who do see themselves as superior and a lot of wives who behave as if they were inferior.

pollyannainexcelsis · 13/12/2007 13:26

I only went back to work on the basis that dh took responsbility for childcare as well. And so far he has been really good - he has taken 2 days off this week so far and will be off 2 mornings next week to cover school holidays.

I have made it clear that I can't work and take all responsibility for childcare, and given that he wants me to work and earn money, that has been incentive enough so far. (I'm sure he half thinks he is doing me a favour by staying off though..._

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 13/12/2007 13:26

I don't work, so wouldn't expect dp to get dd from school if something happneed, but if I needed him to because I was somewhere else or busy with DS he would. As for going out, he has to be forced to go out when he is invited because he feels bad that we can't both go if we havent arranged a sitter in advance.

However, I have been with a guy who when I had mastitis (which at the time I though was severe flu) I rang him crying begging him to come home asap to help me with our 4month old baby and 4year old DD. He came home about 3 hours later steaming drunk.

I wouldn't put up with it now, he did it because I didn't put my foot down the first time, so he thought it was ok.

TinyTimLivesinVictorianSqualor · 13/12/2007 13:28

I agree with happydaddys point re:mothers too. If I called dp's mum and said I was ill and he hadnt cooked dinner for me she'd kill him yet exdp's mum would have done anything rather than expect him to do it himself.

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 13:28

Benson, I don't know any

expatinscotland · 13/12/2007 13:29

HD reads my mind!

It's like all the comments I used to get when I was working FT and DH was SAHD.

'Oh, you're so lucky he's babysitting for you.'

No, sweetheart, I'm not lucky to be smart enough not to put up with BS. I wouldn't give it out anymore than I take it. They're his children, too and he's not their babysitter, he's their father.

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 13:31

It's a bit obvious I was a SAHD, isn't it expat?

margoandjerry · 13/12/2007 13:31

HappyDaddy you post made me laugh

And ExPat - any man who calls looking after his own children babysitting is a fully paid up twat.

QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball · 13/12/2007 13:31

Clam, I think there must be.

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 13:31

All this "how do i make him change" rubbish makes me laugh as well. If he's behaving like a child, talk to him like one.

What's the worst he can do? Stomp off to the shed in a huff? Well, there's a change!

upallnightagain · 13/12/2007 13:32

This has made me really think about our situation . We only got married 8 months ago so we are still learners . Will start operation equal responsibilities ASAP !!

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 13:32

upallnight, what's marriage got to do with it? aren't you equal if you just live together then?

come on ladies, grow some balls.

OComeOLIVEfaithfOIL · 13/12/2007 13:33

well in the case of QuintessentialShadowOfSnowball, I would have said "I am going to collect X, see you in 15 mins etc"

and if he couldn't shift his arse it would be kicked into the house (and down the street when I returned)

StarofBethleCam · 13/12/2007 13:33

Our shed is locked

HappyDaddy · 13/12/2007 13:34

The other argument to use could be to ask DH, "Do you want YOUR children growing up with a role model who comes and goes as he pleases and is never REALLY there for them when they need him? Or a REAL good dad?"

Love to hear his answer to that one.

expatinscotland · 13/12/2007 13:34

Well, HD, my dad really came in for it back in teh 1970s.

My mum was a SAHM, but in addition to working FT my dad went to night school to earn his bachelor's and then his master's in petroleum engineering so he could give us the life he never had growing up.

BUT, no matter what, come hell or high water, he'd take me and my sister out of the house on Saturdays, all day.

There was no end to the comments my mother got.

'You're going to let him take those two little girls out all day on his own?' 'You're so lucky he's such a good babysitter!' to 'How can you let him go out like that?! He's been working hard all week.'

As my dad put it, 'I don't want to turn around one day and find my daughters are grown women who don't have a clue who the hell I am.'

expatinscotland · 13/12/2007 13:36

Mind you, during the week, my mother was completely on her own with us. Entirely.

They were 200 miles from both their families and Papa didn't get home till around 10PM every night because he went straight to university from work.