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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare issues at xmas

230 replies

Cherrytree1621 · 09/11/2021 11:36

Dh has had to take a new job due to personal issues meaning he will no longer be off 23rd and Xmas eve to look after our 5 year old and 10 month old. I've asked my work to have it off, they've said there's too many off already. So any advice on what to do?

OP posts:
Supermum29 · 10/11/2021 22:17

Put in a request for parental leave. It can only be taken in 7 day blocks and is unpaid but your employer may prefer to agree to your holiday request instead

Borisisafecklesstoad · 10/11/2021 23:35

Can you ask the nursery for any staff who might be able to babysit on these days? So at least its someone they know?

Maggiejardine · 11/11/2021 09:12

I agree that it’s unwise to leave your child with a stranger, however desperate the need.
I know it’s a long shot but is there any chance you can take your child to work with you on those days? If you explain to your employer that you have no other options as no nursery or other child care available, they may either relent and grant you the time off or allow you to bring your child in, with certain conditions. It’s worth a try.
IME as a manager, refusing to accommodate parents in this way just meant they took the day off sick so no one wins.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 11/11/2021 09:14

@3scape

So many cfers on here. Asking friends or family just is NEVER ok!
Are you kidding? Of course it's ok.
Brefugee · 11/11/2021 09:23

have only read OPs posts.

You're building this up into something that makes you too anxious. However you are a parent, as is your DH and you need a plan.

The obvious solution - even though you are so adamantly against it - is this time as a one off to ask if you can take your two to work with you. And handle whatever comes up.

Otherwise, you and your DH need to find an alternative. But as pp mentioned since you don't appear to even want Mary Poppins, the other alternative is you postpone returning to work until after Christmas - if your work will let you.

You are going to have to get you and your DH on the same page re. childcare and unexpected things popping up and how you will both handle it. And much as a pain as anxiety is - you have to find strategies that don't lead to you dismissing every solution to your childcare problem because anxiety. It doesn't work like that when you have young children. Strategies are the way forward. And you and DH working as a team.

Blondeshavemorefun · 11/11/2021 09:31

So @Cherrytree1621 what are you going to do ?

Take to work with you if allowed/have spaces

Use a temp nanny (meet them now so not strangers)

Both will prob cost you more then you earn

You or dh Ask for day off

You or dh Take as emergency leave unpaid

Call in sick on the day. Prob piss off all the staff and they know you lying

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/11/2021 09:49

If baby starts nursery on 1 Dec surely she could go to normal nursery, booking extra sessions if needed. For 5 year old I’d either take him to your nursery if space or ask your mum to have in.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 11/11/2021 09:55

Or do you have any mat leave you could extend if baby not a year yet?

anon12345678901 · 11/11/2021 10:08

@3scape

So many cfers on here. Asking friends or family just is NEVER ok!
Why can't someone ask friends or family as a one off if they could help? It's not like it's asking for a regular arrangement.
mindermum1 · 11/11/2021 10:46

I’m a childminder. I often find I have space during the typical holiday times as people like to take their kids to pre chirstmas events or visiting relatives. Call all the local childminders and see if they can accommodate you.

ChimChimeny · 11/11/2021 10:58

My friend is a trained nanny, she often does one off jobs, sometimes through word of mouth, sometimes because people find her on (I think) nanny.com or nanny.co.uk.

She'd be happy to have some settling in type sessions if the parents wanted it and were prepared to pay

Nearly47 · 11/11/2021 10:59

@mindermum1, OP doesn't want to leave her child with people the child is unfamiliar with, nor with her family or friends. Hmm

ChimChimeny · 11/11/2021 11:55

[quote Nearly47]@mindermum1, OP doesn't want to leave her child with people the child is unfamiliar with, nor with her family or friends. Hmm[/quote]
Yeah I got that vibe! Thought if the DC spent time with the nanny first then they wouldn't be a stranger but it looks like the OP has rejected all ideas...

Offmyfence · 11/11/2021 14:43

@ChimChimeny

My friend is a trained nanny, she often does one off jobs, sometimes through word of mouth, sometimes because people find her on (I think) nanny.com or nanny.co.uk.

She'd be happy to have some settling in type sessions if the parents wanted it and were prepared to pay

I don't think OP wants logical sensible options!
PeachyPeachTrees · 11/11/2021 20:04

Find someone now and introduce to your children, then they won't be a stranger for the 2 days you need childcare. You have 6 weeks, plenty of time.

Cosyblankets · 11/11/2021 22:57

Suggestions that have been made
Take day off.... Can't
He takes day off.... Can't
Grandparents.... Can't
Friends.... Can't
Babysitter...... Can't
Take to work..... Can't

RedHelenB · 11/11/2021 22:58

@Cherrytree1621

Dh has had to take a new job due to personal issues meaning he will no longer be off 23rd and Xmas eve to look after our 5 year old and 10 month old. I've asked my work to have it off, they've said there's too many off already. So any advice on what to do?
When he accepted the new job he should have said he already had commitments on those days.
NowEvenBetter · 11/11/2021 23:14

It’s your husbands issue to solve. He created the problem, he gets to plan how to fix it.

RedskyThisNight · 12/11/2021 08:48

@NowEvenBetter

It’s your husbands issue to solve. He created the problem, he gets to plan how to fix it.
On the basis that OP has rejected every solution offered on here, how exactly is he going to do that in a way that suits her? He's unlikely to be able to magic up anything different.
Offmyfence · 12/11/2021 11:25

@NowEvenBetter

It’s your husbands issue to solve. He created the problem, he gets to plan how to fix it.
Have you read the OPs responses? He can't, it's impossible because every single suggestion is rejected.
LagunaBubbles · 12/11/2021 11:36

Why did your DH change jobs?

R3ALLY · 12/11/2021 11:50

So many threads where the mother is left sorting childcare even if it’s the Dads job is the problem. He should have known this would be an issue and it’s his business to sort it .

TheOrigRights · 12/11/2021 11:52

@LagunaBubbles

Why did your DH change jobs?
The very first post states "Dh has had to take a new job due to personal issues"
Offmyfence · 12/11/2021 12:23

@R3ALLY

So many threads where the mother is left sorting childcare even if it’s the Dads job is the problem. He should have known this would be an issue and it’s his business to sort it .
In fairness he may well be trying to sort but OP has rejected every single resolution. So it may be she's doing the same to him?
MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 12/11/2021 17:03

@XelaM

You actually work IN A NURSERY and can't bring your kids to work for two days?
Yes - mind boggles