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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childcare issues at xmas

230 replies

Cherrytree1621 · 09/11/2021 11:36

Dh has had to take a new job due to personal issues meaning he will no longer be off 23rd and Xmas eve to look after our 5 year old and 10 month old. I've asked my work to have it off, they've said there's too many off already. So any advice on what to do?

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 09/11/2021 15:53

@shouldistop

Is your 10month old starting at a nursery before Christmas then? Could you ask his key worker if they'd like the extra work looking after the kids those days at your home? We paid a nursery worker to babysit for us once in the evening. Otherwise your dh will need to tell his new employer he needs these days off. It's his problem to sort. Funny how he's changed jobs, messing up that childcare plans and it's you scrambling around for childcare, I bet he hasn't bothered his behind except for telling you he can't do it.
This is the best suggestion OP, particularly if they have reduced numbbers of children, there will be staff off.
Original poster
Cherrytree1621 · 09/11/2021 15:53

@AudacityBaby

I'm really struggling with why you expect a forum to find a solution if you've ruled out everything yourself. What would you do in an emergency? That's probably what you'll have to do here. If you have no emergency plan at all then maybe it's time to think of one.
My emergency was my mum but I've had to take a step back from her in recent weeks. So no i haven't came up with an emergency as I thought it was sorted
OP posts:
DameMaureen · 09/11/2021 15:55

You sound incredibly anxious and you wonder why your 5 year old isn't well socialised ?

Silverswirl · 09/11/2021 15:57

@Cherrytree1621

Everyone asking why I'm not getting people with kids to look after them because they have 3/4 kids already that are either around my kids age or a little bit older. Having all those kids by yourself for one day is a bit much to ask. But that's just me.
It is a bit much to ask but it’s a one off! No magic solution that’s completely easy is going to fall into your lap im afraid. You have the difficult options of: Asking family to add another 2 kids to theirs for the days. Bringing your mum back from arms length during the next 6 weeks and asking her Calling in sick on the 22nd. DH calling in sick on the 22nd. Taking him to nursery with you. Finding a friend who will have them. Quitting your job DH quitting his job. DH or you persuading work to give you the days off. Going online and phoning round lots of places to find a childcare provider that’s open for those 2 days and has space.

That’s it. There are your options. Plain and simple. None easy but then it’s a problem and if problems were easy they wouldn’t be called a problem.

mrsm43s · 09/11/2021 15:57

OP, realistically, what do you think the solution is?

There are plenty of suggestions that you refuse to consider.
What options are acceptable to you?

Its not reasonable for you to expect your work to let you take annual leave (or any other kind of leave) on those days - they will have carefully planned their rota's.

Its not reasonable for you to expect your DHs work to let him take annual leave (or any other kind of leave) on those days since he didn't get them agreed as part of his job offer.

So, assuming you both want to keep your jobs, you will both need to work on those days. So you (or rather your DH) need to find childcare.

If family/friends can't/won't do it (quite reasonably) then you will need to use paid for ad-hoc childcare from an agency, or take them to nursery with you (if your workplace agrees). Those are the only options.

No-one can magic another solution out of thin air for you.

UltimateBugKilla · 09/11/2021 15:58

You work in a nursery, so surely the obvious answer is to have them with you for the 2 days, not ideal, but solves your problem.

callmeadoctor · 09/11/2021 15:58

Or ask any nursery staff that are off to come and babysit.

Grenlei · 09/11/2021 16:00

Whilst it's a difficult situation, any suggestions that involve swapping days off create bad feeling with co workers. Time off at Christmas is the most contentious point in the holiday calendar - in our organisation it is booked months ahead, and new members of staff would never be allowed to take holiday at those times unless there was capacity in the team/ dept. Which there never is because everyone wants that time off.

Taking the time as unpaid or parental leave (whether it's the OP or her DH who do this) is bloody unfair to any colleagues who are working those days and suddenly find themselves with additional work as a result - or who had booked the time off themselves and now are asked to work so that the company is not short staffed. Plus it's not an unforeseen emergency, you have 6 weeks to put arrangements in place.

You either compromise your principles and take children to work with you for the day, as a one off. Or you use your mum. Or you pay for alternative childcare. Those basically are your options.

EerieSilence · 09/11/2021 16:02

@Cherrytree1621 you say that you have a very attached child - how come are you then capable of working outside of home and away from them?
It's two days. You work in a nursery, that's like complaining that you are starving while working in a bakery and having the means to buy something.
You seriously sound like you're trying to find excuses to find your situation impossible to resolve.
Just have your DCs with you, looks like the option is there. Make it clear in the nursery that it's a very temporary solution and you have no other choice.

Original poster
Cherrytree1621 · 09/11/2021 16:03

@DameMaureen

You sound incredibly anxious and you wonder why your 5 year old isn't well socialised ?
He wasn't he's great now, loves school, plays well but I'm sure any child wouldn't be keen on a stranger looking after them.
OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 09/11/2021 16:03

@Cherrytree1621 - you have 6 weeks - get on the phone now and sort it out. Maybe you could speak to manager at nursery and ask her if you can bring DS in for a day and a half or whatever it is. Even if he wants Mum whilst at nursery - it might work. Do siblings have childcare - is there someone they trust who you could pay for 2 days.

I would not advise either of you throwing a sickie over Christmas. It needs to be sorted properly .

Easier said than done , I know - but don't panic - just try to find someone you can trust for 2 days

DH moving jobs is a different problem - get this one sorted first and then discuss that later .

Best wishes Flowers

Rosebel · 09/11/2021 16:05

Lots of nurseries won't let parents work in the same room as their children. They move staff around so it doesn't happ8. Or if there are 2 baby rooms and you work in one your baby will go in the other.
Parents working with their own children is really rare.
I really don't understand why you can't hire a sitter now and give them time to build a relationship with your children before leaving them for 2 days.
I'm not really sure what solution you're looking for.

Stompythedinosaur · 09/11/2021 16:05

Surely your dh needs to go into his new role with a request for them to allowed him to take pre-booked leave?

Of you can't be off you will have to use childcare. You have time to build up some settling in sessions.

shouldistop · 09/11/2021 16:06

@DameMaureen

You sound incredibly anxious and you wonder why your 5 year old isn't well socialised ?
When did op say her 5yo wasn't socialised? It would be perfectly normal for a small child to go to their mother for things instead of other staff at nursery and object to others looking after them when their mum is right there. It's why nurseries usually have a policy of staff children being in a different room. Or did you just want to have a dig at the ops parenting?
Sh05 · 09/11/2021 16:08

Where abouts are you op?
You need to get onto local sites and find a baby sitter. You have around 6 weeks to get them acquainted with your children which is plenty

helpthewhos · 09/11/2021 16:10

So you are paying out two lots of childcare - one a nursery place and one at after school club to work for minimum wage at a nursery? Presumably even with UC paying a % you must be taking home hardly anything. Have you worked out if its definitely worth you going back once you factor in petrol and other costs, particularly if childcare is going to be this much of a headache and cause you this level of worry?

DameMaureen · 09/11/2021 16:11

@shouldistop

My 5 year old isn't good with strangers either

because I RTFT

TolkiensFallow · 09/11/2021 16:11

I do understand how it is not to have people who can look after your children - especially a 10 month old!

However……if your husband genuine cannot sort it out then you need to either ask the closed nursery whether any of their staff would be looking for (well paid) childcare on those dates or suck it up and take your children to work. I understand that it might not feel great to have them at your work but it will be very empty on those days and it’s not unsafe.

shouldistop · 09/11/2021 16:12

[quote DameMaureen]@shouldistop

My 5 year old isn't good with strangers either

because I RTFT[/quote]
A 5yo not being good with strangers isn't the same as not being well socialised. Most small children would be put out by a complete stranger looking after them.

Beautiful3 · 09/11/2021 16:13

If you working a nursery then I'd bring them tk work with you. I'm sure they'll be fine.

CaptainMerica · 09/11/2021 16:14

@mrsm43s

You book them into paid for childcare, surely?

If their existing nursery/childminder isn't open, then use Sitters or a similar ad-hoc childcare agency.

I struggle to understand why anyone needs to ask this question!

I struggle to understand on these threads how some people can think that there childminders sitting waiting for work on every street corner! Not every problem can be solved by throwing money at it.

My nearest result on sitters.com is 40 miles away. There is no holiday club open any nearer during the Xmas holidays, and no childminders with availability.

My after school club closed recently, and there are literally zero alternative paid childcare options where I live.

Whydidimarryhim · 09/11/2021 16:16

There is no solution then for you.

thirdfiddle · 09/11/2021 16:19

You (plural, this really should be on your DH not you) are going to have to ask someone a massive favour. It's okay to ask favours, people do understand the difficulties of juggling babies and work, just make it clear that no is a perfectly acceptable and expected answer.

It'll be a favour situation still if you're looking at paid childcare anyway, who really wants to go to the trouble of taking a new unsettled baby for 2 days when most of their clients are on holiday.

Taking baby into your own nursery as a one-off because you have no childcare available in the holiday period is completely different from doing it as a regular thing. I'd totally go with that. They will understand that finding one-off childcare at Christmas is a nightmare, and they want you there to work.

I'd ask your brother for the 5 yr old. Two 4-5 yr olds playing together require less adult attention than one 4 yr old with noone to play with.

TMChappyascanbe · 09/11/2021 16:22

DH has to tell his new workplace that he has prebooked leave on those days. It's absolutely standard in a new job to do this.

If he refuses to do this, then for the two days I think you will have to tell your employer you will have to take your DC to work with you or you can't come in.

It's only two days.

DameMaureen · 09/11/2021 16:23

@shouldistop a parent's role is to socialise their children in preparation for school, nursery whatever . You are doing them no favours by not doing so imo .