Page 7 | Childcare issues at xmas

Cherrytree1621 · 2021-11-09T11:36:46+00:00

Dh has had to take a new job due to personal issues meaning he will no longer be off 23rd and Xmas eve to look after our 5 year old and 10 month old. I've asked my work to have it off, they've said there's too many off already. So any advice on what to do?

shouldistop · 09/11/2021 16:26

[quote DameMaureen]@shouldistop a parent's role is to socialise their children in preparation for school, nursery whatever . You are doing them no favours by not doing so imo .[/quote]
What are you on about? Op has said her 5yo has no issues with school etc.

shouldistop · 09/11/2021 16:27

Leaving small children with strangers with no introductions / settling in isn't socialising them

Original poster

Cherrytree1621 · 09/11/2021 16:30

[quote DameMaureen]@shouldistop a parent's role is to socialise their children in preparation for school, nursery whatever . You are doing them no favours by not doing so imo .[/quote]
Ds is absolutely fine. When I said he only wanted me when I was in the same room it was because he was under 2 so of course that was an issue and I already said when I wasn't there he was absolutely fine played well with others and bonded amazingly with the staff. He still asks about them now and he's not been there since August.

OP posts:

MzHz · 09/11/2021 16:31

@Cherrytree1621 I wouldn't be able to get on with my job. He was a very attached child and he wouldn't let other staff do anything it would always be me so I couldn't get on with looking after the others. Wasn't fair on the staff or him. When I wasn't there he would be absolutely fine.

You have time to get your dc accustomed to new faces from now, you’re ruling out all options but you’re not in any kind of position to dictate what happens here.

If your H can’t/won’t resolve this, the only option you have is to suck it up for the 2 days and speak to the owner (not the daughter) and explain what’s happened, that you don’t want to let them down by ringing in sick for example, so are Asking to bring the kids, ideally in a different room so it’s not disruptive etc

This is the beginning of the issues surrounding childcare, you need a cast iron solution for this situation from now on.

ExceptionalAssurance · 09/11/2021 16:32

@Cherrytree1621

So all your friends and family have 3/4 kids already

Tell us the truth are you just being difficult with these suggestions because you're annoyed your husband has somehow made this your problem to sort?

Yes they do I have 1 brother and he has 5month old twins and a 4 year old. My 2 friends have kids ranging between about to be born and 7. Unfortunately dh's family lives 300 miles away.
Of course im annoyed he's dumped this on me. I didn't want him to change jobs in the first place.

Why are you letting him make this your problem? He caused it.

BasiliskStare · 09/11/2021 16:34

This is a very common problem for 2 working parents. How do you think other people manage - paid childcare ( & get him used to it - I am not a monster - ( I think ) or reciprocal favours. I would not mind asking a sibling to have 4 children instead of three for two days - if they say no - they say no - but I would ask ( presuming DC knows his aunties and uncles ) and then I would put a favour in the bank and pay it back.

But as I said before being off on spurious sick leave over Christmas will look a bit dodgy - so if you need the job either of you I would use the next 6 weeks to find an answer. (& by which I do not mean to say genuine sick leave over Christmas is dodgy. - Not at all ) But not in favour of pretending to be ill to get a day off.

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/11/2021 16:37

Surely this is your husbands job to sort out. He's changed plans.

Peach1204 · 09/11/2021 16:42

I think maybe your husband says to his company he forgot about those pre booked days. The other option - could you delay your return to work until January and delay nursery by a month too?

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 09/11/2021 16:42

It’s understandable that you are angry with your dh, but now you need to both move on and find a solution, and you have a bit of time to do so.

You can either out the ball back in his court him to sort the problem.

Failing that just pick the least bad of the options available to you that you don’t like. From an outsiders perspective it sounds like taking your children to work would be that option. However difficult those two days are they are finite in length and then over.

LittleMysSister · 09/11/2021 16:48

OP I completely get why you're annoyed with your DH in this situation.

BUT either you need to tell him he needs to sort it because there is no possible way you can get it off/take them with you, OR you need to just suck it up and take them to work with you for just those 2 days.

Realistically it's 23rd Dec/Christmas Eve, there aren't likely to be loads of kids in and many will be getting picked up early, especially on the Friday, so even if you end up a bit monopolised by your own child it won't be a huge deal.

There are no other options that haven't been suggested here.

I'd at least ask your DH to speak to his work and explain the situation before he relies on you. Tell him it's absolutely not possible, ask him to check again with his work, and he may be able to get it off.

AudacityBaby · 09/11/2021 16:50

Wait, if the nursery problem arose because he was 2, surely now that he's 5 it won't be the same?

BasiliskStare · 09/11/2021 16:51

I can see if not having said before he started 23 / 24th were prebooked / non negotiable could be a problem - but to me that would be an argument for another day until you have DCs sorted out.

Newwifeatnumber10 · 09/11/2021 16:53

It is childfree colleagues, not childless. And no you shouldn't put the pressure on them to cover your problem.

There is another thread about a parent wanting free time off to cover a childcare issue. Lack of suitable childcare is not an employer's problem. Too many on here seem to think it is.

I will be flamed to bits for this and it very much goes against the general opinion on Mumsnet, but is the majority view outside of this forum.

Fredstheteds · 09/11/2021 16:55

Holiday club? Lots of private schools, David Lloyd and even other nurseries might

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/11/2021 16:56

If you book a nanny or cm for Dec then do a couple of settling in sessions /babysits then won’t be a stranger in Dec

Or you ask your brother. Yes he has 3 small children but sure he would want to help -
Assuming wife is on ml still so will be 3 adults to 5 kids

That what families are for

AudacityBaby · 09/11/2021 17:02

@Newwifeatnumber10

It is childfree colleagues, not childless. And no you shouldn't put the pressure on them to cover your problem.

There is another thread about a parent wanting free time off to cover a childcare issue. Lack of suitable childcare is not an employer's problem. Too many on here seem to think it is.

I will be flamed to bits for this and it very much goes against the general opinion on Mumsnet, but is the majority view outside of this forum.

There's a distinction between childless and childfree. I'm the former. Anyone referring to me as childfree would get a raised eyebrow - I didn't choose to be infertile.

Agree on the rest of it, though. It's the bane of my life. I did suggest it but thought better of it after how the thread went.

OldSoho · 09/11/2021 17:17

You've said why you don't want your DC in your nursery permanently, but surely for 2 days it wouldn't be such an issue for them to be in the same room as you, in a pinch - assuming the ratios work out (I'm guessing a number of families won't be using nursery those two days anyway)

Teaandakitkat · 09/11/2021 17:23

Jeez op, you're getting a hard time here.
I wouldn't ask a friend to have my 2 small kids on Christmas Eve, or leave them with a random teenager home from uni.
Your options are limited though. Could you consider finding a babysitter through an agency and start using them now so they are familiar?

Also, there is a lot to be said for teenage babysitters. They are usually always keen to earn some cash so are willing to work odd hours. Can you not think of anyone you could start getting to know now so they're familiar by the time you need them? Son or daughter of a friend or neighbour? It's a whole day though, it's a big job.
Or else someone is going to have to phone in sick. It should be dh but I'm guessing it will end up being you.

It would piss me off no end but I'd start looking for someone now and not waiting for dh to sort it because you know he'll bury his head in the sand until its too late.

For your own peace of mind you're going to have to just get on and organise it. I'm pissed off for you too, if that makes you feel any better.

BunsOfAnarchy · 09/11/2021 17:24

Op your DH sounds like my STBXH (he's a good man, just left me to organise his entire life though, including matters similar to this)

If I was in your situation, I'd tell the DH it's his problem to sort out. If he was meant to be off and now isn't then it's unreasonable for you to have to try and find suitable options when you were going to work those days anyway.

If you're anything like me, you'll probably still have to sort it out with zero help from him to save drama/hassle and anxiety. I genuinely despised STBXH for this exact reason.

Best suggestion is to pop onto childcare website and find a reliable babysitter/minder who can work those days. DH must pay.
And I'd trial them for a session or two before hand (atleast one session this week maybe) so you can see if they are right or need to keep looking. During said trial make dh take you out for dinner

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 09/11/2021 17:26

Have you asked work if you can bring the children in? It’s only for two days so no big deal. Or ask one of your colleagues who’s on leave if they could take them?

Gazelda · 09/11/2021 17:26

Are there any holiday clubs local to you? You'd probably find that other working parents are using them for primary aged children, perhaps even your 5yo's school friends? That would make it easier for him to go to, surely.

You'll need to find a solution for future school hols, so why not get him used to holiday clubs now?

But I think you'll have to take the baby to work with you. There simply isn't any other solution you're prepared to consider. It may be awkward for 2 days, but what other choice do you have?

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 09/11/2021 17:30

OP, you've rejected all of the many good suggestions on this thread. You seem to seek a solution that doesn't exist - it's as if you expect a Mnetter to wave a wand and conjure Mary Poppins for you.

You're going to have to compromise.

Bollocks989 · 09/11/2021 17:31

Leave them home alone?

butterpuffed · 09/11/2021 17:59

Ds is absolutely fine. When I said he only wanted me when I was in the same room it was because he was under 2 so of course that was an issue and I already said when I wasn't there he was absolutely fine played well with others and bonded amazingly with the staff. He still asks about them now and he's not been there since August.

If the issue was over three years ago OP , why are you saying you don't feel able to take him to this nursery you work at ?

AcrossthePond55 · 09/11/2021 18:22

So yes maybe I do resent him for choosing to change jobs.

@Cherrytree1621

And I can understand that. Early on, DH and I used to have a very 'tight schedule' where he worked evenings, I worked days. He drove the DC to my work at my 'quitting time' and we had enough time to take them from his truck and load them in my car and he left with 'just enough' time to get to his shift, which ended around 1 am. His mum (God bless her) came over for 2 hours in the AM to watch the DC from when I left for work until DH woke up so we really didn't have to have 'professional' childcare. If he had willy nilly changed jobs it would have been a big hardship. So I do get it! My point is don't let that resentment get in the way of finding a 'reasonable' solution to your holiday dilemma. If DS has to come to your work and hangs on you, that's not optimum but it's 'doable' for 2 days out of the year. Then you can work on sorting out something more 'permanent' that works for both of you.

Eventually my DH got a 10 hr/4 day job, days off Fri/Sat. This meant that we had to get 'real' childcare and that for 4 days a week I had to do all picks and drops for both DC, who were in separate places (DS1 primary school, DS2 nursery) and DH did it only once, on his 1 weekday off. It was a lot more running around for me, but it was what it was.