Why won't he SHUT UP?!

[fixlet]

I'm a teacher, so I usually work for about an hour on the laptop when I get home, replying to emails that stack up during the day, or planning etc.

My husband has usually been home for 45 minutes by himself by the time I get back from work. We have a quick catch up together, then I get on with my work before making a start on dinner.

However, during that hour of work, he makes constant noise, and it's PISSING ME OFF. He clears his throat constantly, blows his nose, slurps tea, chomps biscuits and tries to sing or talk with his mouth full, drums on the table, plays a game on his phone with the sound on, crashing around doing the dishwasher much louder than normal.... it's just constant. Even headphones don't make a difference.

He doesn't like it if I take myself off to the study to concentrate. If I go to the kitchen table, he follows me and sits next to me. Same if I take the laptop to the sofa.

Now, I do seem to struggle with eating noises generally. However, there is just something about that hour after work, when I'm tired and have dealt with noise and chat all day long from the kids, that is makes my blood boil.

I've told him and told him and told him that I can't cope with the noise and to leave me alone or let me go upstairs, but he gets all hurt and sad-eyed and mopes around.

AIBU to want to wring his neck?

Mines the same, he WFH and silence, I WFH and yap yap yap

I want to wring his neck, and I'm not having to suffer it!

Do you always cook dinner, or do you take it in turns?

If he can't keep the noise down, take yourself off to the study regardless of the fact he doesn't like it, gives you the sad eyes and mopes. Christ, you have the patience of a saint not to have wrung his neck before starting your thread. 💐

He obviously can’t entertain himself and, after 45 mins home alone, needs you to give him attention.

I’d get a lock for the study door and let him sulk. He would drive me mad.

It's classic attention-seeking behaviour. Like the child that refuses to play on their own for a while.

You're home. You should be devoting your attention to him, not to your job. Because he is more important and needs to be noticed and entertained.

Fuck that.
I suggest you henceforth use the study every time, close the door, and take a G&T in with you.

He doesn't like it if I take myself off to the study to concentrate

So what? You have every right to prioritise your own sanity above his need to waffle and be fucking annoying.

Go to the study and lock the door

Why do you need his permission to use the study? Be pissed off or hurt his feelings? He'll get over it if you make a new routine, he's not a child, in the meantime you're becoming irritated (I understand why) when there is a simple solution, why?

YABU and oversensitive to complain about normal noises. He is BU to sulk if you go upstairs for an hour. Go upstairs

When someone really irritates you, every noise they make is amplified. Apart from playing a game with the sound on, nothing what you have described is abnormal behaviour. But I do know exactly what you mean. Don’t have any solutions if it’s your husband though! (My irritating sounds person was a colleague. So I left.)

Go to the study to work. Better still, take turns cooking dinner. That way he is out of your way every other night, peace to do as you please.

Just go to the study and shut the door.

So what if he doesn’t like you going to the study?? Why on earth would you put up with this bullshit when there is a quiet room for you to work in?

Why are you pandering to this behaviour?

He wants your attention

Send him off to make dinner while you work, then you can both sit down and eat together once you're done.

The “sending him off to make dinner” suggestions won’t work because he’ll do it in the 45 minutes before OP gets home.

Typical extrovert: 'I need your attention and I'm not fussy how I get it.'

@Themilkmanschild, he could burn water, so it works out much better if I cook and he washes up :)

He’s being a massive twat and you don’t need his permission to go to the study. You don’t need to justify it and if he wants to mope like a child let him crack on.

He doesn't like it if I take myself off to the study to concentrate. If I go to the kitchen table, he follows me and sits next to me. Same if I take the laptop to the sofa.
Fucking hell, I’d have stabbed him by now. The noise is one thing – DP has ADHD, he’s all out of medication and coping by evening so he’s noisy as FUCK, but he wouldn’t deliberately come and wind me up.

I’m sure you’ve tried maturely talking to him when he sits next to you – all “When you do X I feel Y” touchy-feely bollocks – but have you tried rotating your head like Linda Whatserface in The Exorcist and just full on banshee screaming “FUCK OFF I’M WORKING”?

Also get a lock and a mini fridge with gin in it for the study.

@hotmeatymilk (your name just made me heave a little bit), I think that suggestion may be the way to go.

DH hums, not a full tune but the same 3 chords over and over.
Also a pen-clicker and random object fiddler - anything within reach.
The eating noises really tip me over the edge too - crunching and lip smacking then 'aaaah' and a big sigh.
I am coming out in sympathy with you OP
I've taken to listening to music with headphones, though I might also need to put my head in a big funnel so he's out of my peripheral vision...

Excuse my language, but F**k his moping. You shouldn’t have to repeat yourself over and over again. Let him mope and don’t feel guilty over it. If he wants to act like a toddler, let him. Do what you need to do and ignore him.

Oh god, @Threewheeler1, yes. You're my soul sister :) He clicks and lip-smacks too! He also does this weird inward burp thing after having any sip of fizzy drink which drives me crazy at any point of the day. The peripheral vision thing too- that's why headphones don't work, because I can see him doing whatever thing and then my brain tunes in to hearing it too.

In your situation is take myself off to the study. You've told him what the issue is, he doesn't do anything to change it, so the study seems to be the only option.