Why won't he SHUT UP?!

[fixlet]

I'm a teacher, so I usually work for about an hour on the laptop when I get home, replying to emails that stack up during the day, or planning etc.

My husband has usually been home for 45 minutes by himself by the time I get back from work. We have a quick catch up together, then I get on with my work before making a start on dinner.

However, during that hour of work, he makes constant noise, and it's PISSING ME OFF. He clears his throat constantly, blows his nose, slurps tea, chomps biscuits and tries to sing or talk with his mouth full, drums on the table, plays a game on his phone with the sound on, crashing around doing the dishwasher much louder than normal.... it's just constant. Even headphones don't make a difference.

He doesn't like it if I take myself off to the study to concentrate. If I go to the kitchen table, he follows me and sits next to me. Same if I take the laptop to the sofa.

Now, I do seem to struggle with eating noises generally. However, there is just something about that hour after work, when I'm tired and have dealt with noise and chat all day long from the kids, that is makes my blood boil.

I've told him and told him and told him that I can't cope with the noise and to leave me alone or let me go upstairs, but he gets all hurt and sad-eyed and mopes around.

AIBU to want to wring his neck?

Why are your feelings less vlid than his? Why is your need to work less important than his inability to entertain himself for an hour?
Why are you getting worked up into a rage when
you can just go in to the study!!
You are being your own worst enemy here. Tell him you require an hour or so to work uninterrupted, go to the study and tell him to piss off if he follows you. Stop being a martyr!

Ignore the sad-eye bullshit and go to the study.

Tell him you'll get it done quicker and won't kill him if you do, and he needs to stop being so needy give you the space, so you can be relaxed when you come to spend time with him.

Is this supposed to be funny? I don't understand? Why don't you say stfu and go to the study? Or am I missing something?

I’d stay at work for the extra hour and that would guarantee complete peace to get the work out of the way

Screw his sad-eyed moping, he's an adult and can cope with you being in a different room for an hour.

Honestly that kind of babyish shit is the least sexy thing ever.

The sulky behaviour when you go to the study gives his intentions way - this is deliberate behaviour, designed to manipulate you into doing what he wants.

That in itself would make me even more motivated to go to the study and let him get on with being a twat on his own.

@IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves

I'd tell him he either leaves you alone for the hour you need to work or you will start doing that work at school so will be home much later

Trouble is, there are already meetings after work so working at school makes it ridiculously late to be home if she stays at work. Alternatively, if it’s a social place, she’ll get nothing done. I’m frequently delayed because people ‘pop in’ to say hi then stay. Just tell him you’re still in work mode and depart to the study. If he then tries to interrupt, I’d go mega level crazy.

He sounds very needy/suffocating. Are you allowed out on your own at the weekend, OP?

I hate this kind of attention seeking shit. That's all it is - pay attention to me because I am the most important person in the world, and if you won't pay me attention I'll make idiot noises until you are forced to.
My XH used to pull this crap all the time, if someone was watching something on Tv he didn;t want to, he'd bang pans around in the kitchen, or he'd stand really close to you and do a kind of droning hum, he'd make a humming noise when eating cereal. He would burst into rooms where other people were talking and just shout over them. I actually had to abandon an OU course I was doing because he would not leave me alone to study.

the peace in my house now that he is gone is unbelievable and I didn't realise the level of stress this endless noise caused me until it was gone.

I don't know how to stop it - I never managed. Maybe if you call him out on it and say 'I know what you are doing, you are trying to get my attention, I need to work now, It is extremely selfish of you to constantly try to sabotage my work' And say on repeat, so his behaviour is named for what it is. Ignore the sad face - it is manipulative, he's not really sad, he just wants his own way.

DP always feels compelled to talk to me when my attention is elsewhere, then he gets annoyed when I point out the time I had free prior to starting doing something I like. Definitely an attention thing.

He doesnt sound very adulty. So you need to be the adult here. Come in and be polite and have your usual cup of tea and brief chat and then head on up. If he questions it or puppy dog eyes. Ignore. Then do your work (expect to still be mildly irritated). Finish your tasks. Breathe deeply for ten mins and change into your loungewear. Then head down all chatty and with Gousto for sorting dinner. (Ott). Ignore any sighing. Have a lovely evening (where you are not irritated and ready to throttle and got your work done). Repeat. After three days it will be a new normal. And he will know its brief and still gets your attention later in the evening.

Ignore the sad face - it is manipulative, he's not really sad, he just wants his own way.

this

Yabu not to just go to the study.. You deal with kids all day, he's just a really needy one. To be honest I'd have been icked out after a couple of days and arranged the divorce with him sadly looking at me!

YABU to not just go to study and save yourself the torture. You can properly catch up when you are done.

he could burn water, so it works out much better if I cook and he washes up

I suppose when he lived by himself he starved huh?

He’s an adult who should learn to bloody cook.

do you still sleep with him-because someone sulking is a massive turn off

He needs a hobby to keep him out of your way

[quote fixlet]@Themilkmanschild, he could burn water, so it works out much better if I cook and he washes up :)[/quote]
No he couldn't.

Misophonia ? Op?
Not suggesting it's your problem he's making the noise but it might explain how angry you feel?
If you you find it fits there's a great closed Misophonia group on Facebook.

I suffer with misophonia and also need time to decompress after work because I'm not neurotypical and someone not leaving me alone and making god awful noises would send me into meltdown mode pretty quickly.

he could burn water, so it works out much better if I cook and he washes up

Uh-huh. Also known as "strategic incompetence".

You sound full of rage and CONTEMPT for your husband. Contempt is the death of a relationship.

@Stovetopespresso

oh op that sounds dreadful! can I add mine? where I wfh has 2 doors and JUST when I've packed the dc off to school and am settling down to work he comes in from his home office and BREATHES at me converstionally while standing at one door. I ignore, so THEN he circles the house and appears at the other door where our downstairs loo is off the foyer and proceeds to do a really graphic shit complete with groans.

I think any judge would let me off!

How unattractive

I would find it very very difficult to have anything to do with someone who behaved like that. Ugh.

OP, as others have said ignore sad face and just get on with what you have to do.

@GoodnightGrandma

Just go to the study and shut the door.

Exactly this.

He sounds like a child, not a partner. He needs to learn to cook and keep himself occupied with that while you work. Or if he really can't do that and he's bored he can take that time to clean the house.

Tell him straight that you know what he's doing. That he's trying to get your attention because he's more important than work.

Then tell him you'll be working in the study and he can huff and puff as much as he likes, you're not coming down until you've finished.
(and get a bolt for inside the door in case he decides if you're in there he'll be in there too.)

So far it sounds like you've tiptoed around him a bit. Not doing things he wouldn't like even if they would be much better for you. It's time for you to stand up for yourself.