Aibu to not want to stay at wedding venue hotel

[UsernameAB12]

Wedding starts at 11.30 am and goes on until midnight. You can stay at wedding venue hotel the night of wedding. But the cost is between 110 - 160 pounds. Me and dh planning on staying until 7pm/8pm and travelling home (live about 80 miles away from venue). Mil things we should get hotel and we are being unreasonable, and if we don't use it we can give it to someone else. AIBU?

Your mother in law sounds like a pain in the rear end tbh. Your reasoning makes total sense and why would you do without something else in order to pay for a room (to pass on to someone else 🤯). In my experience that time at a wedding can be quite busy with re arranging room for dancing, evening guests landing and if there is not a big drama made about you both saying goodbye to everyone there is a good chance everyone will think you are at a another table etc.

OP your already going to the wedding not everyone stays after that long anyway, and I have a autistic niece so I only know a fraction of what your going through . mil actually expects you to book a room an pay for it for someone else to stay in it ?

@Lokdok

YABU - it would be really rude to leave at 7/8!!

Why?

Just say this. That your parents can only cope for so long with yr son. However I would leave later and let son stay up later so parents didn’t have bed time probs. Once every so often shouldn’t be too big a thing?

If they leave later @maybloss2 then they may well miss the wedding ceremony, and yes I would imagine a disturbed bed time might be tricky for elderly GPs who have spent all day looking after DGS.

Tell the Bride and Groom that you won’t be staying overnight and leaving by 8.30pm due to your Son.

This is your business and I would do what suits you and your family, MIL sounds like a pain in the ass which no compassion.

Surely the B&G really only care if THEY make it to the end of the evening do(without a fall out /brawl /G shagging a BM not about who sleeps in their hotel?

God, do modern weddings ready last that long? How boring it might be -11am- midnight? Heaven forbid. But to get back to the situation at hand, you leave whenever you want/ need to, and don’t be bullied by your mil!!

I normally leave half an hour after the disco starts.

Oh just live a little.

Book the hotel room. It doesn't exactly sound extortionate

A siblings wedding is (usually) a one in lifetime event but its a major life event for them

Plus ideal to be on site if your son has had enough. You can take him
Upstairs to bed and husband can stay down enjoying himself

Ignore other people's expectations you know what is best for your family just give the bride &groom a polite heads up.

@chlorineirene I don’t think the DS is going to the wedding.

@VickyEadieofThigh

Ahem. I believe very strongly that if a couple has a wedding, they have no right to demand that people pay for a hotel to attend it.

Neither do parents/PIL - unless they're prepared to pay for it on specific guests' behalf.

This. You can politely tell them you need to leave early. If two people leaving early for a good reason would upset them in any way, they’re ridiculous. And it’s nothing to do with MIL.

Leave at 9

In your circumstances it's reasonable to leave early.

8pm is late enough, you won't be massively missed just make sure to say goodbyes to bride and groom and parents both sides.

Have fun x

I have recently got married. We had the meal, 4:30-6:30, and a ceilidh to follow which was expected to finish by ten. We clearly explained what was happening, with timetable, suggested budget hotels within walking distance, and still 15% of the guests disappeared after the meal saying "it was a long drive home." Admittedly a family of four had told us beforehand and had mitigating circumstances, but the rest just buggered off. It was a bit annoying, particularly as DH and I then felt we had to keep on dancing all the way through just to keep things moving, and as a result didn't get to talk with as many people as we would have liked.

Do you want to attend the wedding?

Personally I'd send DH by himself. Then he can sleep on the floor in the same room as his mum is staying in. Hopefully he'll drink enough that the floor won't bother him.

Thanks for all the replies. Just found out that Mil has paid for Sil's room. She is single, in her 30's with a full time job and owns a house. She probably earns almost as much as DH.

i think you don't like your inlaws much and you don't want to go to this wedding.
It's your husband's brother and he needs to be there - let him go and you stay at home.

I'd bet good money that if it was your own sibling you would not be making this fuss

As it's his brother, it probably makes most sense for you to leave early (or not go if you can't leave alone) and DH stay. Can you do it that way?

Due to cultural reasons my families weddings can be three days long.

You both have a valid reason not to stay because of the needs of your child. But I would personally be happy for my partner to stay without me as it’s a sibling wedding if he wanted to.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. It is a long day ... what you do with your time us really your own business (not even taking the cost of staying over into account).

So next time MIL brings it up the suggest she pays for DHs room if she wants him to stay over, like she has already done for his Dsis.

@pensterino

I have recently got married. We had the meal, 4:30-6:30, and a ceilidh to follow which was expected to finish by ten. We clearly explained what was happening, with timetable, suggested budget hotels within walking distance, and still 15% of the guests disappeared after the meal saying "it was a long drive home." Admittedly a family of four had told us beforehand and had mitigating circumstances, but the rest just buggered off. It was a bit annoying, particularly as DH and I then felt we had to keep on dancing all the way through just to keep things moving, and as a result didn't get to talk with as many people as we would have liked.

Was your wedding on a school night? Or perhaps your guests weren't into ceilidhs?

Oh just live a little. yeah, parents of kids with SN just need to relax more and their will just cope eh??
A siblings wedding is (usually) a one in lifetime event but its a major life event for them and they'll be there for the ceremony etc just not the dancing
Plus ideal to be on site if your son has had enough which is why she wants to go home because DS will be at home as he won't handle the wedding.