Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want to stay at wedding venue hotel

203 replies

UsernameAB12 · 08/11/2021 11:00

Wedding starts at 11.30 am and goes on until midnight. You can stay at wedding venue hotel the night of wedding. But the cost is between 110 - 160 pounds. Me and dh planning on staying until 7pm/8pm and travelling home (live about 80 miles away from venue). Mil things we should get hotel and we are being unreasonable, and if we don't use it we can give it to someone else. AIBU?

OP posts:
ShinyHappyPoster · 08/11/2021 14:50

I don't think MIL thinks they should pay for a room for someone else. She obviously thinks they should book a room so they can stay if they want to. Then if they decide on the day they don't want to use it, they can go home and another family member might use it instead.

Chippymunks · 08/11/2021 15:00

When I got married about half the guests stayed, half didn’t, a few older guests left about 9.30/10 when the music got loud. One went straight after the meal, another elderly guest. It really wasn’t a thing. I had the wedding in a hotel so it would be convenient for people to stay but never in a million years took it personally if people did or didn’t. I did have one friend who hadn’t booked a room turn up at breakfast the next day with one of my DH’s colleagues so that was funny.
The wedding started at midday (the only Saturday slot I could get it or I’d have to wait 6 months) and it ended at 5am although my DH and I went to bed at 3am.

Feedingthebirds1 · 08/11/2021 20:49

For those saying the OP's DH should stay, and wouldn't he want to stay, the OP says Me and dh planning on staying until 7pm/8pm and travelling home and MIL's comment that we should get hotel and we are being unreasonable

It rather sounds like DH is fully on board with leaving at 8.00.

Wombat49 · 08/11/2021 20:52

We are tight, so booked a Premier Inn once. Had the bride's parents tell us several times how they wished they had as well.
The posh hotel was noisy, expensive & someone set the fire alarms off..

Lightswitch123 · 08/11/2021 21:06

@Lindy2

7pm/8pm is very early to leave. I think it would be strange to leave before 10pm unless you have a specific reason.

You are not unreasonable to go home afterwards rather than stay in the hotel as long as one of you is happy to not drink so they are safe to drive.

This. I mean, the dinner and speeches might still be going!

Unless there was a specific reasin I'd be offended if I were the bride or groom

maddy68 · 08/11/2021 21:09

If you want to stay you can book in a nearby b&b and get a taxi? Loads will be doing that

maddy68 · 08/11/2021 21:10

And if it's bil wedding you should definitely be there The night

PurpleOkapi · 08/11/2021 21:40

Which hotel you stay in doesn't really matter, but DH should try to stay for the whole thing if it's at all possible.

Valeriane · 08/11/2021 22:01

It's a bit sad to not stay the night IMO

diddl · 09/11/2021 08:17

Why do people think that it's so important to stay for the party & then the night?

londonrach · 09/11/2021 08:19

You don't have to stay but 7-8 is vvvvv early. Be ok to leave 10 ish

rookiemere · 09/11/2021 08:25

But who makes up these rules, and why is 10 pm ok but 8pm not ? No wonder some families fall out so much if these are things to be offended by.

OP and her DH will have been there for the ceremony and the speeches. Provided they slip away with minimal fuss, why do they have to stay for the noisy music - particularly when there is good reason for them to leave to relieve OPs DPs ?

It's a strange set of people who would find this rude.

Notonthestairs · 09/11/2021 08:26

I think 8 and a half hours at a wedding is pretty reasonable.

Is the marriage ceremony at 11.30? So the wedding breakfast would be at 2ish, speeches around at 4, finished by 5. Evening guests arrive at 7.

I would have a word with bride and groom in advance to smooth it over but given your reasons they'd be unpleasant to complain.

C8H10N4O2 · 09/11/2021 08:39

@rookiemere

But who makes up these rules, and why is 10 pm ok but 8pm not ? No wonder some families fall out so much if these are things to be offended by.

OP and her DH will have been there for the ceremony and the speeches. Provided they slip away with minimal fuss, why do they have to stay for the noisy music - particularly when there is good reason for them to leave to relieve OPs DPs ?

It's a strange set of people who would find this rude.

I assume its people who are unable to comprehend anyone not thinking and wanting exactly as they do.
toomuchlaundry · 09/11/2021 08:47

If the speeches were still going on at 7pm after 11.30am wedding I think most of the guests would have left bored out of their minds! Surely the meal would have finished well before that.

Peach01 · 09/11/2021 08:56

It has nothing to do with her where you stay. You're not imprisoned there, go home when you're ready to.

MrsTulipTattsyrup · 09/11/2021 09:12

@toomuchlaundry

If the speeches were still going on at 7pm after 11.30am wedding I think most of the guests would have left bored out of their minds! Surely the meal would have finished well before that.
This exactly!

You will have spent the equivalent of a whole day there if you leave at 7. I couldn’t bear still having to go through all the cringy dancing, bride falling on her arse on the dance floor, pissed friends charging about, having the same conversation for a third time with all the aunties, and still keep a smile on my face till 11.30.

If they genuinely want everyone to stay till the ‘acceptable’ time (hint: any time is acceptable) then they should book rooms for everyone and pay for them, as well as their childcare. The fact is, the bride and groom won’t even notice who is there and who isn’t by the evening.

WeeTattieBogle · 09/11/2021 09:21

@19lottie82

I’d be pretty upset if my brother left my wedding that early. Can your DH attend and you stay at home (or go and leave early) with your DS?
You’d be upset even knowing he has a child with ASD at home?

Wouldn’t you be able to feel compassion for him and his wife that due to circumstances involving their child they had to leave early?

I’d be really cross with any of my children who were so shortsighted regarding a situation that they would think like you and expect to be put first. Granted a person can be disappointed but to then think there’s still a way round the situation at the expense of the child is really selfish.

WeeTattieBogle · 09/11/2021 09:25

@Notonthestairs

I think 8 and a half hours at a wedding is pretty reasonable.

Is the marriage ceremony at 11.30? So the wedding breakfast would be at 2ish, speeches around at 4, finished by 5. Evening guests arrive at 7.

I would have a word with bride and groom in advance to smooth it over but given your reasons they'd be unpleasant to complain.

I’d go home at 5. I wouldn’t stay for the evening ceremony as the important part of the ceremony would be over by then.
Lalliella · 09/11/2021 09:51

Not rude at all to leave by then. Provided the speeches are finished of course. But if it’s just the disco by then it doesn’t really matter if you’re there or not. You’ll have already been there 8 hours, that’s quite a long time!

diddl · 09/11/2021 09:58

@londonrach

You don't have to stay but 7-8 is vvvvv early. Be ok to leave 10 ish
Why?
diddl · 09/11/2021 10:16

I think it's sad that some people seem to put so much importance on the evening reception.

So the ceremony & the meal after isn't enough, you must also party until we say so?

Chippymunks · 09/11/2021 10:18

diddl and sleep where you are told to.

Crikeyalmighty · 09/11/2021 10:27

No one has the right to dictate what others do, you are perfectly within your rights to leave at 8pm for very sensible reasons and it's none of his mothers business.some people turn into absolute nutters about wedding arrangements, usually people who haven't got much else going on in life , it is but 1 day

rookiemere · 09/11/2021 10:31

@Chippymunks and @diddl and pay whatever you're told to for the privilege of a hotel room that you don't need.