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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want to stay at wedding venue hotel

203 replies

UsernameAB12 · 08/11/2021 11:00

Wedding starts at 11.30 am and goes on until midnight. You can stay at wedding venue hotel the night of wedding. But the cost is between 110 - 160 pounds. Me and dh planning on staying until 7pm/8pm and travelling home (live about 80 miles away from venue). Mil things we should get hotel and we are being unreasonable, and if we don't use it we can give it to someone else. AIBU?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 09/11/2021 14:40

I enjoy going to weddings- although I don't cope well with staying up past 11 these days - but that's not really pertinent to the OPs situation, is it ?

Weddings are meant to be a celebration of a couple getting together, so it seems a bit strange that people are advocating that the DH goes on his own, rather than going as a couple with OP attending the ceremony and the speeches, and then going home. Far neater than DH leaving his DW at home to look after their DS and then spending up to £165 of family money on a hotel room.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/11/2021 15:01

@SleepingStandingUp

Its unbelievably miserable to not attend your brothers birthday (DP) through to the end. Leave your DC with family or a babysitter. It's a wedding, not a birthday party It's unbelievably miserable to put the needs of your YOUNG SN CHILD ahead of partying? They ARE leaving the DS with their GPS, but DS who has autism struggles at night and that's likely to be made worse by Mom / Dad not being there.

Why does the needs to two adults surrounded by people they love take priority over a distressed kid?

What’s wrong with the mum looking after the child and leaving the dad to party on? Surely the child doesn’t need two parents all the time?
rookiemere · 09/11/2021 15:10

Because if DH stays they either need two cars or DH needs to stay overnight and incur the costs of the hotel room. If this was something the DH wanted to do, perhaps he would have suggested it to the OP as an option.

diddl · 09/11/2021 15:18

"What’s wrong with the mum looking after the child and leaving the dad to party on? Surely the child doesn’t need two parents all the time?"

Perhaps Op's husband would rather be at home with his wife & son than "party on"?

JackieChiles · 09/11/2021 15:28

@AnneLovesGilbert

Who gets married in the morning then expects a whole day and night thing? I’d need a nap.

Do what suits you. Nothing to do with MIL.

That’s what the hotel is for.
Yayaga · 09/11/2021 15:28

@diddl
Perhaps this one evening isnt actually about the DP or the OP and their wants but about his brother and new wife?

diddl · 09/11/2021 15:30

[quote Yayaga]@diddl
Perhaps this one evening isnt actually about the DP or the OP and their wants but about his brother and new wife?[/quote]
GrinGrinGrin

rookiemere · 09/11/2021 15:30

@Yayaga and what about the DS struggling to sleep and OPs DPs coping with their autistic DGS who struggles to sleep?

tabulahrasa · 09/11/2021 15:46

“To me, midnight seems like early for a wedding to finish and I'd be disappointed as a guest at a wedding if it finished up at midnight - but I'm not in the UK.
It does also seem to be a particular MN thing that weddings are a chore and people attend under duress and never enjoy themselves.”

Places are usually licenced to 12 or 1... so after that you’d move to a hotel bar or someone’s house - depending on where the wedding is, or go home. But I’ve never been to a wedding that finished before that.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/11/2021 17:01

What’s wrong with the mum looking after the child and leaving the dad to party on? Surely the child doesn’t need two parents all the time?
Not everyone drives.
Not everyone has two cars.
Not everyone can afford petrol for two cars plus the hotel room.
Not everyone has other family near by who can provide lifts.

And clearly not all posters have critical thinking skills.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/11/2021 17:02

[quote Yayaga]@diddl
Perhaps this one evening isnt actually about the DP or the OP and their wants but about his brother and new wife?[/quote]
And the needs of a young child with SN?

SleepingStandingUp · 09/11/2021 17:03

Who gets married in the morning then expects a whole day and night thing? I’d need a nap.
Lots of adults are awake 16-18 hours a day without a nap...

Feedingthebirds1 · 09/11/2021 17:15

It’s his brother - it’s pretty understandable that it might be a bit upsetting if he goes home really early.

I mean, of course his brother is going to notice and care that he left early... it’s not obsessed or demanding or rude to be sad that your brother wouldn’t stay to the whole thing.

How do people know it would be upsetting, or that the BIL would care or be sad? There's no of course about it. If it were my wedding I'd be horrified if my brother or sister (I have one of each) felt they couldn't leave whenever they needed to, especially for that reason. I might not be so sanguine if they left because they felt the office piss up was a better offer, but childcare for a child (my nephew) with SN? I'd come and say goodbye to them and make sure they got some cake even if that meant cutting it early.

This seems to be largely on what the MIL has said, who appears to want to spend the OP and her DH's money for them and guilt trip them into staying. OP hasn't said how the B&G would react.

LettertoHermoine · 09/11/2021 17:52

Do what you feel is right FOR YOU. I wouldn't give it a second thought. Thanks very much, that was a lovely day, we have to get DC home now, Bye bye, au revoir, see ya now, all the best, tata, Seeya.

whynotwhatknot · 09/11/2021 18:00

how is it early when the wedding starts at 1130? what are they doing all day reception then evening people will be on the floor by then

Lokdok · 09/11/2021 18:07

YABU - it would be really rude to leave at 7/8!!

pollymere · 09/11/2021 18:15

Get a Travelodge or Premier Inn Family room nearby. So much cheaper!

cherish123 · 09/11/2021 18:16

Why would you a room you probably won't use?

pollymere · 09/11/2021 18:18

BTW...do apply for DLA and Carer's Allowance for ASD. If you're at home with him, then you qualify x

JessieLongleg · 09/11/2021 18:20

I'm never doing the wedding hotel stay again, at my cousin's wedding it was in the middle of nowhere and expensive. Would of been better and cheaper to stay in town, much easier to head home the next day and leave stuff there pre wedding. But the cheapest gift on the list was a £150 champagne flute! Lives in a different world to myself and was very stuck up about his private education as as child.

Punkyfish3000 · 09/11/2021 18:29

For me to justify the expense it would depend on who's wedding it was (family member or close friend, yes... casual acquaintance or coworker, not so much) and if myself and/or a nuclear family member was part of the wedding party

Punkyfish3000 · 09/11/2021 18:32

@Lindy2

7pm/8pm is very early to leave. I think it would be strange to leave before 10pm unless you have a specific reason.

You are not unreasonable to go home afterwards rather than stay in the hotel as long as one of you is happy to not drink so they are safe to drive.

At a wedding where I was one of the bridesmaids the reception actually finished at 10pm, which is very early for a wedding reception as usually they finish c. midnight or 1am
StoneofDestiny · 09/11/2021 18:38

Crikey - leave when you need to! Not up to anybody else - can't imagine why you'd pay for a room for someone else to use 🙄

Granjeanne · 09/11/2021 18:45

In view of your son, I totally understand your position. Make your plans, stick to your guns and explain your position. MIL can make her own arrangements if she disagrees.

Anitarest · 09/11/2021 18:48

I haven’t read the whole thread, but we were expected to stay at the wedding venue hotel with the same cost range that the OP mentioned.
We’re driving home in the evening. I have other things I need to do with my money.