Read this sex scene from Giles Coren’s failed novel!!!

[KentishTowner]

In his latest column in The Times Vile Coren is asserting that there are no successful white male authors any more. Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that’s why your novel failed so spectacularly and you won The Bad Sex Award, Giles. Then read the actual, totally bizarre sex scene (the bit about the shower head!):

twitter.com/kirstysedgman/status/1454503687460638726?s=21

What sort of book?

It sounds like a parody, or something silly. I am sure this was not part of a normal novel

I am howling with laughter at the guy on Twitter with the film of his shower hose ‘my dick between cums 3 and 5’.

Is he a virgin?

Can't be arsed to read it. The man is odious.

Is the author a virgin..?

@Terfydactyl Oh come one! it's parody. It's a huge joke and if you can't see that, I can't help you :)

Oh right here. Wikipedia says English at Keble irrc.

@Smorgasborb

Oh god. And Alexander Armstrong is his BIL too!

Love to think of Xander and David Mitchell bitching about him in the kitchen at family do's while he shows off in the drawing room to some glassy eyed Aunts and bored nieces.

I sometimes think David and Alexander toss a coin beforehand to see who has to sit next to Giles at dinner and play down their own success so that Giles doesn't have a tantrum at the table!

@JinglingHellsBells

It's a parody *@KentishTowner*

It's meant to be awful.

Clearly very well done in terms of awfulness.

I can't believe anyone doesn't realise this is a huge wind-up!

I think because he is generally so awful in other ways.

@Piggywaspushed

Oh right here. Wikipedia says English at Keble irrc.

The standard English course at Oxford in the 1980s ran from 800AD to 1959 or 1960. Very little time was spent on mid-century literature. You'd have a week to do Dickens, for example.

For the love of long sentences, that is shit.

In case it’s not been posted, here’s his letter to an editor about editing before www.theguardian.com/media/2008/jul/23/mediamonkey

@LavenderAskew

There's a clip on the twitter thread which is to his editors berating them for editing his writing. Apparently an "a" was removed

Can't link or upload it just at the moment as phone low on power and might not last doing it. But I'll be back soon unless someone else finds it.

I know which you mean; where, without the 'a' it means one thing in English but with th 's' means something entirely different in Jewish.

@Snoopfroggyfrogg

Christ alive. His willy was jumping around like a shower head? Whilst still attached to him?

You mean his dick? 🤣

Jesus 🙈

@Smorgasborb

I often wonder how the wonderful David Mitchell copes with the vile little oik at family events. The only downside of being married to lovely Victoria

I imagine it's similar to the way Mark addresses Jez In Peep Show when he's being an insufferable cock.... or SuperHans when he's had too much smack

🤣

It wasn’t meant to be a parody. He won the ‘bad sex writing’ (or something, can’t remember the actual name) prize and was very angry about it.

OMG 😳
Is that what men find erotic ?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@GreenWheat

He is an odious little man, and a prime example of everything that is wrong with the undeserved priveledge that an expensive education and family connections afford the talentless.

True but at least he is just a mediocre twat writing a column about (mostly) himself, as opposed to being in power!

It reads like he is ridiculously excited to tell you about it and isn’t stopping to take a breath (or think about how ridiculous he sounds) and then and then and then and then!

Like Zorro…. I nearly spat out my tea

“plummy virgins”? Misogynist wanker.

That is bad!

I have been hit in the eye by flying cum and I can vouch for the fact that it stings like fuck ✈️👁️😂😂😂😜

OP, I am wondering if, from your user name, you are a neighbour of the Corens, as I think I am right in thinking that they live in Kentish Town? Unless you are his wife, of course?

This song was brought to mind when I read GC"s holiday with his daughter article.

The penis is like an out of control water cannon …given HE made all the sex mess, I hope the dominatrix stood over him with a mop and bucket and thrashed his sorry arse til it was all cleaned up!