Read this sex scene from Giles Coren’s failed novel!!!

[KentishTowner]

In his latest column in The Times Vile Coren is asserting that there are no successful white male authors any more. Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that’s why your novel failed so spectacularly and you won The Bad Sex Award, Giles. Then read the actual, totally bizarre sex scene (the bit about the shower head!):

twitter.com/kirstysedgman/status/1454503687460638726?s=21

@Jegelskertrolde there is no such language as "Jewish". There's a several thousand year old religion, not a language. That's like saying there's a word in "Muslim". Perhaps you meant Yiddish (a language that developed in Central Europe from approx 10th century onwards)? Or Hebrew, the classical language of the Old Testament? Or maybe Ivrit, the version of modern Hebrew spoken in Israel today? Just because we are discussing bad writing doesn't make this ok.

Also, as to "there are no successful white male authors any more", has he heard of Philip Pullman or G.R.R Martin? Two white male authors off the top of my head, who's books I've bought in recent years/new releases I'm looking forward to (Pullman: The Book of Dust Volume Three, Martin: winds of winter, fire and blood part 2, and more dunk and egg books).

Like Zorro?

Well, somebody wants to create a buzz and get people talking about their book, don't they?

Surely it’s just a wind up?!

No. Not a neighbour. Unlike terror suspect Ali Harber Ali I sadly do not have that pleasure. I do live in the vicinity though and receive frequent updates via Nextdoor about the Coren’s’ missing cat and his Jag being stolen etc. Their children have also been trick or treating to my house (- the son is rather grabby). The Dawn Foster Forever graffiti episode during the summer caused much mirth in the NW10 ends, especially when Giles hired a lookalike to paint over it. My pal lives opposite them and took a photo of the guy whose shorts were slipping down while he knelt down to repaint the wall. That one circulated on a few local Kentish Town WhatsApp groups.

So… he undeniably is a cunt and has a vastly inflated sense of his own talent. And that email was totally out of order.

But he is kind of right here. The sub-editors did ruin this by imposing a sort of bland, one size fits all literate standard on this and it does diminish what he wrote.

I would never have sent an email like that and he deserved to have it leaked. But what he is trying to do is to kick back against the assumption that all writing needs to be blandly standardised.

Anyone who has worked as a writer in any context will recognise this.

The sex writing is lamentable but he had a point here…

He's just mocking himself here. I think that's obvious

Is it me or has he got an aversion to punctuation?

Sorry edit fail - that was a reference to the nasty email to Times subs

I haven't read the sex scene because i haven't had breakfast yet, but that article about his review, wow, it's a badly written rant at people who were trying to make something he quote readable. What a plonker.

Good God! That was ridiculous. And he, and he, and he, If it wasn't about sex I would think it was written by an 8 year old.

And his dick rattled around in her mouth! Ridiculous.

@Snoopfroggyfrogg

Christ alive. His willy was jumping around like a shower head? Whilst still attached to him?

😂

Oh he's VILE. Haven't read the excerpt, won't be doing so, I'm just referencing everything else I know about him so feel quite justified in making this comment. Ugh.

Methinks quite a few Coren sock puppets have popped up to insist IT WAS ALL A JOKE! He has form there too: www.google.com/amp/s/www.indy100.com/news/giles-coren-twitter-alternative-account-pavel-pilnik-jonathan-nunn-wife-antisemitism-8703366%3famp

I don’t think his novel was originally meant to be a joke. Satire certainly, but literary fiction and I think he expected it to win The Booker Prize, not the Bad Sex Award. It is convenient to insist it was all a joke now that it’s being dragged and everyone is laughing at him. If it’s a joke, as he intended, is it funny? I think people mocking his bad writing is funny, but the writing itself isn’t really humorous. It’s just lazy e.g. the woman holding the penis and scratching the man’s back with both hands at the same time.

I shall now think of him (when I am forced to; I would never do so voluntarily) as Giles Zorren.

i didnt see if anyone had put the actual image up
apologies if duplication

I’m not a sock puppet, have just read it and never really heard of him but it’s obvious it’s tongue in cheek and @KentishTowner satire is a kind of ‘joke’, it uses humour to ridicule or exaggerate.

@Clumsyvolcano

I really, really struggled to make any sense of that, far too many repetitions of ‘and.’ If it were not for the sexual content I’d say it had been written by a school age kid. So bad

I think the thinks that’s a narrative style, to show sexual frenzy. Bizarre!

He ejaculated 5 times? Yeah, bro.

What did I just read?!

I'm not a sock puppet?!! It's clear to anyone with half a brain that he's poking fun at himself on the Twitter link you posted.

I'm not a Coren fan at all, think the man is an idiot. But do get your facts straight before accusing people of sock puppeting because they don't agree with you

Man that was some shit writing!
Especially as it's probably meant to be serious...

Oh God ,

How is that even possible , what position was it ?

Even with that demo video, I still can’t picture it .

OMG that is dreadful! He is not a successful author because he's crap, not because he's a white male!