Read this sex scene from Giles Coren’s failed novel!!!

[KentishTowner]

In his latest column in The Times Vile Coren is asserting that there are no successful white male authors any more. Yeah, sure, keep telling yourself that’s why your novel failed so spectacularly and you won The Bad Sex Award, Giles. Then read the actual, totally bizarre sex scene (the bit about the shower head!):

twitter.com/kirstysedgman/status/1454503687460638726?s=21

Christ, how many times can one man come? 🤔

Imagine Gyles Brandreth reading it to you @ALongHardWinter. That should help.

@TooBigForMyBoots

I'm sure he's fine with it *@Bookridden*. It's not like anyone here is lying about him or abusing his grieving family or anything.

Hear hear!

FIVE orange.

But only if penis is behaving... Like that. Boinging around.

I read to DH last night. He was. ???. He was concerned about the logistics of the whole thing.

He didn't seem to be perplexed by the 5 times and dick thrashing about... Hmmm. I'll have to quiz him on that!

@ALongHardWinter

I found it very difficult to read with no punctuation.

Imagine typing it one handed. Breathlessly...

Or maybe... Not. If you want to keep your dinner down

Did he really write this? I still can't believe it. I mean. It's just. Bizarre, embarrassing, utterly weird... And a bit viscerally revolting!

@CheeseMmmm

Well consider me educated In all my life I never knew they could just keep spraying like an out of control shower head

Seriously though, how does a man who actually has one, write something like that? 🤔

@TooBigForMyBoots that would be the best audiobook. I could listen to Gyles Brandreth all day long, even reading this drivel. Maybe we should suggest it to Giles and Gyles 😉

Deffo @Athenajm80. And you should get a cut since it was your excellent idea.

Giles Coren has left Twitter.

mobile.twitter.com/gilescoren

It seems like he should have done this ten years ago before he mocked and celebrated the death of a fellow journalist, created an anti-Semitic sock puppet to abuse himself with, said he wanted to rape his young neighbour who had taken up drumming, called Michael White a cunt and said he would beat him to a pulp … etc. etc. etc.

@lentilsforever What do you make of it? Are Giles and friends sitting around laughing about all this? It seems strange that leaving Twitter has come in the wake of him being about his bad sex writing. Maybe he hasn’t enjoyed being made a figure of fun after all.

* Giles Coren has left Twitter. *

Goodness, how will you fill your days OP!

@lentilsforever

Oh, I don’t know. I am BFing my 6 month old who is quite a shitty sleeper (hence I have a lot of time to observe GC getting dragged on Twitter) and also two older step children. So they keep me pretty busy.

Also do you realise you are telling someone via MN that they should be doing something more edifying than posting on MN?

[quote KentishTowner]@lentilsforever

Oh, I don’t know. I am BFing my 6 month old who is quite a shitty sleeper (hence I have a lot of time to observe GC getting dragged on Twitter) and also two older step children. So they keep me pretty busy.

Also do you realise you are telling someone via MN that they should be doing something more edifying than posting on MN? [/quote]
Great! Surely more enjoyable than stalking Coren!

Me? A lovely indulgent day off pottering around before weekend madness.

Oh and posting on mumsnet is brill!

I took your comment as joke lentil

Who can OP look at instead that is as much of a tosser as GC?

I mean he's set a fucking high bar!

@CheeseMmmm

I took your comment as joke lentil

Who can OP look at instead that is as much of a tosser as GC?

I mean he's set a fucking high bar!

I’ll keep an eye out for the next thread

I think he must literally have a one-eyed trouser snake down there.