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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to delay 7yr old DD getting ears pierced until she’s 12

207 replies

Whosthebestbabainalltheworld · 07/11/2021 19:12

DD (7) went to a birthday party today where one of the girls got her ears pierced as a birthday present. Cue the inevitable.

I’ve said not until she’s 12. Am I just totally not with it? I don’t have any massive objections, but I was about that age myself and being totally honest, I think they look a bit cheap on small girls - and for saying that out loud I’m sure I will burn in mumsnet hell.

OP posts:
PuzzledObserver · 07/11/2021 21:25

I think they look icky on little children. I think that’s because I associate adornment with sexuality and therefore not appropriate on prepubescent children.

ohtwatbollocks · 07/11/2021 21:29

My daughter had hers done in August, she's 8 and she doesn't look cheap! She's looked after them impeccably well and they've healed beautifully.

Coronado2 · 07/11/2021 21:29

@DroopyClematis

The trouble with having piercings at a young age is that earrings cannot be worn during PE. They have to be removed by the child.

Some schools may give a plaster to cover them but you'll get parents saying that it's unfair, or that it hurts to remove the plasters, etc... ( despite the pain of the piercing!🙄)

Older children are more likely to be able to remove their piercings.

Our school don't make you remove them for pe. Small studs are fine..
museumum · 07/11/2021 21:32

I wasn’t allowed till 13/14 and I was MISERABLE about it in the first years of secondary. I felt like such an odd one out and was so so upset about it.
I don’t have girls but if I did I would allow it the summer between primary and secondary.

DowntonCrabby · 07/11/2021 21:35

As a parent you can do literally whatever you want, we didn’t bow to the peer pressure for ear piercings, suggested at 11 we’d be ok with it, DD ended up delaying until 13 and “ALLLLLL” of her friends were done by then. She’s about to have a second hole done this weekend approaching 17 and we now see it as she can choose for herself.

I agree it’s got to be about looking after the piercings themselves so 7 too young but maybe 12 is a tad too old.

I don’t think cheap/tacky is a shitty/judgemental attitude I think holes in tiny children is abuse though.

Opal93 · 07/11/2021 21:37

I got mine done when I was 8 after weeks and weeks of pestering. When I was 12 I wanted my top of ear done, my mum said no so i done it myself with a safety pin! No idea how it didn’t get infected and it’s still ok now! I always liked the idea of getting one of my sons lobes pierced as a toddler but decided against it as there’s no way in hell he would leave it alone and he would probably have caused an infection. My friends daughter got her two year olds done and had to take her to a&e because she pulled her earring out and ate it! But 7 is old enough to have the sense to leave it alone and understand they need looked after and cared for properly. It’s totally up to you though. If you would prefer to stick to 12 as the agreed age or reach a compromise , maybe 9 or 10. I would suggest getting it done at the beginning of summer holidays and then they will be healed in time for school starting, as I don’t agree with them being worn in school as a safety risk

Glitterblue · 07/11/2021 21:38

DD asked to have hers done when she saw others with them around that age and we said no. She's now 11 and says she might never want them done - so I'm glad we said no back then!

ChipButtyCurrySauce · 07/11/2021 21:42

My DD had hers in the summer hols before going to comp. So just turned 11. In all fairness I never had to touch them. She did all the aftercare without being reminded. She was a little nervous about changing them the first few times so I helped with that. At 16 she had further piercings with no input at all from me.

I think it all depends on the child and how you think they'd manage.

stopblowingyournose · 07/11/2021 21:44

Dd1 was 7 or 8 and dd2 was younger 6 I think. No issues but dd2 has a nickel allergy we've worked that out now!

Parents decide ultimately. My mum refused my whole childhood. I got them done when I was paid the first time for my job when I was 16. I wasn't allowed anything popular when I was a child.

The dds are only allowed studs and tiny hoops.

They get earrings from the tooth fairy usually.

I can't fathom the fuss that's made over ear piercing as if it's some bloody social stratification indicator. Get them done. Don't get them done.

AntiMaskersAreTwats · 07/11/2021 21:48

@Unicornsdosparkle

Define "cheap" please...
Chavvy, common Hmm hth
justmetoday · 07/11/2021 21:54

I had to wait ages and i was so upset. I actually got a tattoo before i got my ears pierced when i was 14. Just because..
my niece wanted to get them done when she was 7 and kept asking but backing out again because she was scared. Then crying again because she really wanted them. I got 4 piercings on my ears to show her that its not painful, and it took ages until she finally dared to get them done. And when she had them, she kept touching them which led to several infections.
I wasnt gonna have any of this drama with my daughter and had her ears pierced when she was 4months old. She cried for a few seconds and doesnt even remember anything now. She couldnt touch them at that age and just left them alone. They healed perfectly.
She is six now and loves her earrings.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 07/11/2021 21:55

@justmetoday

I had to wait ages and i was so upset. I actually got a tattoo before i got my ears pierced when i was 14. Just because.. my niece wanted to get them done when she was 7 and kept asking but backing out again because she was scared. Then crying again because she really wanted them. I got 4 piercings on my ears to show her that its not painful, and it took ages until she finally dared to get them done. And when she had them, she kept touching them which led to several infections. I wasnt gonna have any of this drama with my daughter and had her ears pierced when she was 4months old. She cried for a few seconds and doesnt even remember anything now. She couldnt touch them at that age and just left them alone. They healed perfectly. She is six now and loves her earrings.
Mine are 8 and 6 and no drama here either, they just haven’t had them pierced! Earrings aren’t a necessity.
Sometimeswinning · 07/11/2021 21:56

@antimaskersaretwats

Now define chavvy!

ThePoisonousMushroom · 07/11/2021 21:57

It seems a bit like the ‘drama’ you describe was entirely unnecessary… if she backed out at 7 there was no need to try and convince her by getting piercings yourself. You could have just waited until she was ready (or not, many people never have them pierced).

Alwayscheerful · 07/11/2021 21:59

13
Ear piercing / becoming a teenager has a great looking forward to factor.

Darkstar4855 · 07/11/2021 22:03

I work in A&E and regularly see children in agony with horribly infected piercings. Sometimes an abscess has developed and they need a general anaesthetic to get it sorted out. Not pleasant for anyone involved and can lead to permanent scarring. YANBU to wait.

AandWsMum · 07/11/2021 22:04

I mean you are the parent so it your call

If you are on the fence about her having them done sooner why not tell her to wait six months and if she’s really begging by then what’s the harm? That’s enough time to know if she really wants them done.

And obviously depends on if you consider her sensible enough to keep them clean/look after them while healing

I had mine done at 7, and was so pleased with them - had my second lobe piercings done when I was 12! Both times were absolutely fine.

surreymum89 · 07/11/2021 22:08

I had my belly button pierced by 13 , what a shocker Grin

supercalifragilicious · 07/11/2021 22:08

The most important thing is that they understand they need to sit still otherwise the piercing can go awfully wrong. Also, as the lady who did the piercing told me, sometimes younger girls who are not really ready and do not understand that it involves pain (yes it's painful!), then don't want to sit for the other ear once the first has been done.

Dixiechickonhols · 07/11/2021 22:13

My daughter had hers done at 11 day after left primary in a jewellers.
My mum banned me until I was 16 as she thought they looked common and when I was old enough I wasn’t bothered. I had them done in my 40s at same place as DD. It wasn’t a gun a tiny stapler type thing and pain free.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 07/11/2021 22:27

@surreymum89

I had my belly button pierced by 13 , what a shocker Grin
Oh god so did I. Thought I was really cool. Took it out by 15 as I hated it! Wish my parents had said no.
Porcupineintherough · 07/11/2021 22:48

"Cheap" as in working class or, worse still, foreign.

Tut, tut cant have that.

Wife2b · 07/11/2021 22:59

12 seems quite old

ThePoisonousMushroom · 07/11/2021 23:09

@Wife2b

12 seems quite old
I know plenty of people in their 30’s, 40’s etc who don’t have them pierced, why is 12 ‘old’?
41sunnydays · 07/11/2021 23:35

My daughter had her ears pierced at age 3. I really don't care what people think about it. However if anyone asked for my advice it would be to NOT pierce a 7 year old ears.

My reasoning is that at 7 they will be touching their ears more which leads to infection and they probably won't be allowed to wear them to school or for PE and if they have not settled you shouldn't really be taking them out all the time.