AIBU to delay 7yr old DD getting ears pierced until she’s 12

[Whosthebestbabainalltheworld]

DD (7) went to a birthday party today where one of the girls got her ears pierced as a birthday present. Cue the inevitable.

I’ve said not until she’s 12. Am I just totally not with it? I don’t have any massive objections, but I was about that age myself and being totally honest, I think they look a bit cheap on small girls - and for saying that out loud I’m sure I will burn in mumsnet hell.

That’s ok .

The trouble with having piercings at a young age is that earrings cannot be worn during PE.
They have to be removed by the child.

Some schools may give a plaster to cover them but you'll get parents saying that it's unfair, or that it hurts to remove the plasters, etc... ( despite the pain of the piercing!🙄)

Older children are more likely to be able to remove their piercings.

We’ve said when she’s 12.11 - basically because that’s the start of summer holidays between the end of prep school and starting in senior school. She’s been asking since she was 9 but to no avail.

My daughter is 4.5yrs. She had been asking solidly for 6 months to have her ears pierced. I thought about it and DH & I decided to let her ho for it. Mainly because she requested it herself and thought about it for many months. I showed her videos of ears being pierced and she was still adamant that it was the right decision for her.

They're done and look lovely imo. V. Small studs. She both allows me to ana cleans them herself.

A few weeks after hers were done, my 7 yr old DS got one of his pierced. I asked him to think for a few weeks and make a decision as didn't want it to be kneejerk.

He too looks lovely with his neat little stud and is responsible around cleaning.

I teach my children that they are the bosses of their bodies so within reason I am allowing autonomy now.

Sorry typo, 13.11!

I have finally relented and said to DD she can have hers done when she turns 12 next month (hadn't actually set an age before but wouldn't have been keen in primary - I just don't see it as particularly necessary). She seemed somewhat surprised and doesn't seem that fussed now .

I am being a total dinosaur though and sticking with the no make up until 14.

Both totally arbitrary and based on my own experience as a child. Except the earrings, actually; wasn't allowed until 16 but was completely needle phobic so didn't bother until 19.

So I don't think YABU, no. I don't get the urgency for children to grow up so quickly.

DD’s school say the child has to remove her own earrings for PE or she doesn’t do PE. Some of her friends’ mums say they are happy for their DD to miss PE. I wouldn’t be happy with that - DD loves PE and as she’s 6 would definitely lose the earrings if she had them

I don’t see the point of earrings on a child who is too you to make a real decision. It’s pure vanity; the parent is trying to bling up their little girl - you may as well put make up on the child.

Define "cheap" please

I assume in the "poor white trash" sense. HTH

To those asking why 11-12 makes more sense than a younger age:
More likely to be Gillick competent.
Long summer holiday between primary and secondary for healing.
More likely to be able to remove for OR unassisted.

YANBU at all, they do look horrid on primary aged children imo. It also links in for me with the constant drive to make young girls into mini adults: crop tops, make up, heels for small children whose feet are still growing, etc. My young DDs are not adults, I don't let them act or dress like them so why would I let them have piercings?

I had mine done was I was 7 months old.

Yanbu.

Dd (13) wanted hers piercing at that age, also because a girl in her class had them. I put my foot down and said no but I would consider again when she moved up to secondary school. Now she lives in baggy, boyish clothing and would be mortified to have something so girly adorning her. I would wait until she’s old enough to know what she wants long term.

Oldest had theirs done for 8th birthday, having asked for them - I think they look a bit tacky on kids who are clearly too young to ask for it themselves, but I'd say 7+ they can understand it and it looks OK. But if you want to make 12 a rule, that's up to you.

@hopingbutlosing

Not expensive??

Did you mean to be dense? It's bloody obvious what the op means

I'm sure we all actually know what the OP means, but it's not a nice way to refer to a 7 year old.

She wasnt referring to an actual 7 year old, just the fact of piercing their ears.

My rule was once you have left primary school.

You need to be able to care for your ears independently before you can have them pierced (in my opinion).

Do you have to remove tiny studs for PE? I'm sure when I was at school you were allowed to leave them in.

I had mine done at 12 or 13. I'd be happy with any age after 10 if they ask.

My Spanish friend told me the nurses actually do it in the hospital where the baby is born there. Earrings are a traditional new baby present. So yabu to associate it with trying to make children look older.

I think its fine on little girls but I personally couldn't be bothered with the faff of looking after my dd ears and I'd rather wait till she actually wants it and asks me. I probably used to think it was tacky but I'm much less judgemental nowadays.

We let our eldest get them done at 10 and I regret it now, was done with gun. I will encourage the other girls to wait until they are 18. Eldest now wants her nose doing but I've told her not until 18 which just over 2 years away.

YANBU OP.

Age 11/12 (basically the summer holidays before starting secondary) makes far more sense.

Tbh round here it would be pointless getting them done any earlier as earrings are just not allowed at our primary school. Any child coming to school in earrings is made to take them out and put them in an envelope until home time.

I let my oldest DD get hers pierced age 6 - she had been asking for 2 years straight and I figured it’s her body and she clearly wanted them. We watched videos of children getting theirs pierced so she was aware it would hurt and discussed how they needed to be cared for. She looked after them herself (under supervision) and was quite capable of taking them in and out for PE etc.

Cue my youngest DD asking for hers at 6 too. I did let her without too much thought as her sister had been fine but I do wish we had waited. She isn’t as confident in caring for them and has never once taken them out as she is too frightened.

In a nutshell, its very child dependant and if you don’t feel she is ready then that’s fine. If it’s because you personally have age 12 in your head for no good reason then I think that’s a bit mean imo. I expect a lot of her friends will have already had it done by the time they leave primary (my mum made me wait until I was 13 and I was the last of my friends, and remember feeling quite embarrassed about it!).

Its tacky on young kids i was 16 12 id about the right age

DD got them at the end of year 5, so 10.5 years old. She could manage them OK by herself at that point.
It's easier to get them done over the summer holidays without school PE lessons to manage.

I'm tempted by 16 for the consent reasons mentioned above. My mum said 13 to me- they were done with a gun and never even, and were manky all the time for years. I never wear earrings now. The holes are closed i think.

I'm not anti piercing (I also had my nose, eyebrow and labret pierced, properly with a needle) but i don't wear any piercings now and if I'm honest would rather not have the scars. 16 is old enough to comprehend that and for me not to take the decision for them.

I'm not a fan of earrings on little kids, but in my opinion a sensible 9 or 10 year old is old enough to decide. I've no doubt someone will come along and say they'd ban their child from earrings until they're 16, and I sincerely hope they get a lovely rebellious child who sticks two fingers up at that level of control

and that says more about you than people who do not want to give consent for their child to be pierced.

DD’s school do not allow earrings until they start high school so thankfully this conversation will be easily shut down on our house. But I agree with you OP. Even without the school rule, DD would have to wait until the summer holiday between primary and high.

@Kite22

I'm not a fan of earrings on little kids, but in my opinion a sensible 9 or 10 year old is old enough to decide. I've no doubt someone will come along and say they'd ban their child from earrings until they're 16, and I sincerely hope they get a lovely rebellious child who sticks two fingers up at that level of control

and that says more about you than people who do not want to give consent for their child to be pierced.

obviously it's about me. it's my opinion. that's how this works.

I do think people saying they'd ban their child from getting their ears pierced until they're 16 sound ridiculously controlling.

OP, I agree that they look cheap, and I judge parents who let young children have their ears pierced (or, worse, inflict it on their young children).

YANBU.