AIBU to delay 7yr old DD getting ears pierced until she’s 12

[Whosthebestbabainalltheworld]

DD (7) went to a birthday party today where one of the girls got her ears pierced as a birthday present. Cue the inevitable.

I’ve said not until she’s 12. Am I just totally not with it? I don’t have any massive objections, but I was about that age myself and being totally honest, I think they look a bit cheap on small girls - and for saying that out loud I’m sure I will burn in mumsnet hell.

In my head I've always said they can have them done the summer they leave primary school so aged 11. That's what my mum said to me and it feels a bit like a rite of passage, marking the end of primary school and entering into secondary. My two aren't very interested to be honest. They've made a passing remark about another family we know who's daughters have them done but they have really questioned it when I said they'd need to wait a bit.

I think it does depend on the child - I was 10 and Granny took me and parents were peed off but it was fine and I looked after them myself etc. I was quite a tough cookie though. I would personally say not any younger than that but not sure what is driving that thought for me

my DD is now 8 - about a year ago we had the chat as she wanted them done - discussed about how they need to be kept clean so no infection, removed or covered up for all her pe lessons and after school sports clubs. And that it will be her responsibility to do all that. She decided she's not that bothered after all!!! If she comes back to me and is ready to take on the responsibility then I'll take her to have them done...

I don't think a 7 year old is old enough to make a decision about piercings. I would agree and tell her when she's 12/ in secondary school.

We said eleven for our DDs. One had them done when she was eleven and a few months (but still in Y6), the other was 12.5 and in Y8 by the time she'd finally made up her mind about whether or not she wanted them done. Both of them were definitely in the minority amongst their primary school friends by waiting until they were eleven to have them done. I wanted them to decide for themselves about having them done rather than having their ears pierced on a whim just because it's what others were doing aged 6/7.

My dds started asking a round the age of 5 or 6. I decided 7 would be acceptable as by then they were sensible enough to take care of them.

They both had them done at 7. No issues, no tears, no infections. Completely uneventful and they were completely healed by the time they went to secondary school where they were more strict about removing them for sports etc. I wouldn’t have wanted newly pierced ears getting infected having to take them in and out which may have happened if I’d have made them wait until 11.

Each to their own I say. I’m not a fan of ear piercings on babies, but a friend of mine swears it’s the best time to get them done.

Why 12? Is that just so you can mark yourself as a proper middle class mum as opposed to the mum of a 'cheap' looking child?

I'm not a fan of earrings on little kids, but in my opinion a sensible 9 or 10 year old is old enough to decide. I've no doubt someone will come along and say they'd ban their child from earrings until they're 16, and I sincerely hope they get a lovely rebellious child who sticks two fingers up at that level of control.

My dd was 9. I intended to make her wait until age 11, but she kept nagging me. In the end I thought, really what on earth am I waiting for? So we had it done, and it was fine. Really, nobody noticed, or cared in the slightest..apart from my dd who was over the moon.

I told my daughter she had to wait until she was 12 because I wanted her ear lobes to be almost fully grown so the hole was in an even place but on her lobe and compared to the other lobe. So many little girls get their ears pierced in places like Claire's and the holes end up on weird places on their ears - especially as they grow older and it becomes more obvious how uneven they are.

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches

Why 12? Is that just so you can mark yourself as a proper middle class mum as opposed to the mum of a 'cheap' looking child?

I'm not a fan of earrings on little kids, but in my opinion a sensible 9 or 10 year old is old enough to decide. I've no doubt someone will come along and say they'd ban their child from earrings until they're 16, and I sincerely hope they get a lovely rebellious child who sticks two fingers up at that level of control.

Think that’s it, you’ve summed it up perfectly!

@StrychnineInTheSandwiches

Why 12? Is that just so you can mark yourself as a proper middle class mum as opposed to the mum of a 'cheap' looking child?

I'm not a fan of earrings on little kids, but in my opinion a sensible 9 or 10 year old is old enough to decide. I've no doubt someone will come along and say they'd ban their child from earrings until they're 16, and I sincerely hope they get a lovely rebellious child who sticks two fingers up at that level of control.

9 or 10 is just as arbitrary a number as 12 🤷🏻‍♀️. What’s the issue with saying they can have it done at 12?

For all the people saying it’s “cheap”… well I hope you don’t have your ears pierced then! I was 6/7 and I was taught good hygiene practices. My ears were never infected. However, some 7yo can’t even use cutlery and bathe themselves so it depends on the child really.

@Whosthebestbabainalltheworld

Wow - I am really surprised tbh. I though I was being a total square - but now I might move it up to between primary and secondary. DD will be 13 then.

By cheap I do mean tacky - that’s a much better description. Not the child, but the look of it.

oh it's 13 now? hopefully she nips off and gets them done herself on the the sly.

@DeepaBeesKit

It'll be 16 when my kids are old enough to ask for this.

Generally speaking children under 16 don't have medical consent. So given it's me that would be consenting to a surgeon putting a hole in them, it'll be me consenting to anyone else doing it, and I won't be agreeing to any holes that aren't medically necessary.

This is my view.

@ThePoisonousMushroom, I would have thought it obvious. At 9 or 10 most children will be able to handle the aftercare. Younger than that they may not.

We've also said the summer she leaves primary is the earliest we will consider it. She asked us once when she was 7 and noticed her best friend has some and hasn't asked again. My main worry is them getting torn out whilst she still fights with her brother

oh it's 13 now? hopefully she nips off and gets them done herself on the the sly

why? Why is 12 or 13 so offensive to you? It’s a perfectly reasonable age. It’s not like she’s saying she has to wait until she’s an adult!

@DeepaBeesKit

It'll be 16 when my kids are old enough to ask for this.

Generally speaking children under 16 don't have medical consent. So given it's me that would be consenting to a surgeon putting a hole in them, it'll be me consenting to anyone else doing it, and I won't be agreeing to any holes that aren't medically necessary.

Good luck with that.

[quote StrychnineInTheSandwiches]@ThePoisonousMushroom, I would have thought it obvious. At 9 or 10 most children will be able to handle the aftercare. Younger than that they may not.[/quote]
And some 9 or 10 year olds might not be able to. 12 is hardly an insane age to have them done

I agree with you OP. Don't think they look nice on young children. My DD was the only one without pierced ears from primary school until I finally gave in to her on her 14th birthday.

And some 9 or 10 year olds might not be able to. 12 is hardly an insane age to have them done

Some might not. Obviously it's judged on a child by child basis. I'd expect your average 9 year old would manage just fine.

Am I to expect another confused face?

I agree it looks awful on small kids
I said my dd’s could have them done in the holidays between leaving primary and starting secondary school
It marked them getting older and a new stage in life

Apologies, I am confused as to why 10 is acceptable to you but 12, just 2 years older, seems to be so offensive to you.

Some piercing places (decent ones anyway) insist that the child comes in with parents and asks for the piercing themselves and is able to explain the aftercare procedure. Some won’t do very young children, as the earlobes grow and can leave wonky piercings as an adult!

@ThePoisonousMushroom

Apologies, I am confused as to why 10 is acceptable to you but 12, just 2 years older, seems to be so offensive to you.

I'm sorry it's so confusing for you.