Would you let a 12 year old have their nose pierced?

[SpongebobNoPants]

Just that really.
We’re being harassed and being subjected to awful tantrums and rudeness because DP has said no, it’s not happening.

No, I wouldn't, particularly because tantrums should not be a means of getting your own way.

I had my lobes done at 6 ish, my upper ear at 11 and my belly button at 13 (against my dad's wishes, my mum gave in probably to similar tantrums if I'm honest, I don't think I would be happy if it were one of my dc but I imagine I was relentless) I had my nose pierced at 18.

Anything on the face needs to be 16 at least I think, old enough to understand and make an informed choice.

I had mine pierced aged 13 and still wear it now, 21 years later.

But no, I think it’s too young.

I believe you have to be 13 for a nose piercing, if my DD wanted it done at that age then I would let her.

Sil (now in her 30s) has her nose pieced and now hates it as she doesnt want to wear nose piercing but has a hole in her nose that's very obvious. She has multiple face piercing but regrets nose one

I would, but I'd make sure she did it somewhere reputable and she's have to face the consequences at school. And she's have to use her own money to pay for it. DD actually is 12 but hasn't asked yet, she's happy with her two ear piercings.

I wanted mine done from that age, wasn't allowed, then as soon as I started uni I did it in an ear piercing kiosk in Lewisham where they used a gun for £3. Not ideal although I lived to tell the tale.

Let the kid have all the tantrums possible. You're the parents, and the answer is NO.

I would probably agree to it as long as not contrary to school rules, as it's just a 'pick your battles' thing. I wouldn't see it as a slipperly slope, as it's likely the 'school rules' thing would rule out other piercings.

But you're in the your rights not to want it for her at this age. Don't be wildly surprised if she goes and gets lots of piercings the moment she's 16. And I mean that literally - if she walks in with a labret or whatever just say 'You look nice dear' and she'll probably quit it!

Agree that in principle I would say a definite no in your case due to the sulking and tantrums.

Not a chance.

Could you compromise at 14?

No, DD 14 wants her nose pierced, it's a straight no from me on that, she can get it when she is 16 if she still wants it. DD 16 wanted her septum pierced when she got to 16 but then it turned out you had to be 18 round here without parental consent so that was another no.

I had mine done the first time when 12 (I wanted my tongue done and somehow my dad thought it was the lesser of two evils).

School made me take it out. I went on to later have it repierced. I still have it now and I’m a responsible, professional citizen

Not a chance, I have mine pierced but that is a decision I made myself when I was 19

Although on a similar note, I had my belly button pierced when I was 14 and took it out 7 years later and haven’t worn it since.

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme thank you for your concern and it is something I’ve brought to DP’s attention before.

To be clear, when I say over sexualised I mean

• dressing in a deliberately provocative way, knowing that is what she is doing and actively choosing to look “sexy” (sorry, I know it’s foul but I have no way of describing it other than that. I know kids can’t be sexy… but the same outfit on an adult would be considered as such)

• same with make up as above.

• dancing provocatively. I know kids copy music videos etc but it’s a bit much at times.

• the way she talks about boys, even from a young age she’s always been very interested in having a boyfriend and talking about who she likes / doesn’t like at school or on tv. I mean from 7/8 years old onwards.

• I’ll get flamed for this I’m sure… mum is very very over sexualised in the way she dresses and acts, so I think it’s more learnt behaviour and emulation rather than as the result of abuse. This also makes it very difficult for DP to tackle because the kids say “well this is mum’s top / lipstick / shoes / shorts” and there’s no easy way to get around that without causing offence.[/quote]

So in my experience (secondary teacher) lots of girls do this. They "experiment" but need to do this within safe boundaries. It doesn't mean she's desperately sexualised. It means she may be copying adult female role models and/or "practising" sexualised behaviour which it's best to ignore/go down the route you suggested with regards to clothing. You can always talk about appropriate clothing for work/school as being different/distinct from dressing up. Also bear in mind that sadly lots of Y8s/Y7s of both genders may be accessing porn on their phones or someone else's. Really shocking I know, but it happens more than you might think.

14/15 depending on the school.

She had her ears pierced twice last year no one has mentioned it YET.

Point out that to deal with anything like this she needs to be mature. Having a tantrum when told no proves she isn't mature...

lol of course not. Schools don't allow such things. Anyway, "subjected to"? You're the parent. Punish the rude little git until she starts to behave again. How is this even something you need to ask? Grow a spine and ignore a 12 year old's baby tantrums.

I think nose piercing or cartilage piercing they need to be 16

[quote SpongebobNoPants]@Rachie1973 no I don’t think we’re out of touch at all. She looks like a very young child and acts like one also, but consistently dresses quite inappropriately for her age which is exacerbated by the fact she looks even younger.[/quote]
So what though? She’ll learn. A fake nose piercing is hardly a life changing experience.

@SpongebobNoPants

Her mum was willing to give consent.

Do you think this should have been discussed with DP beforehand? He only found out by chance that her mum was planning to take her, otherwise she’d have ended up having it done even though it’s against dad’s wishes.

Depends how much ‘parenting’ he does really.

I never asked my ex for permission regarding my kids. He only bothered seeing them when it suited him.

My sisters ex is a loving involved dad and she always discusses with him.

I'd say NO, because someone who throws tantrums and bullies people is too immature to make that decision to get their nose pierced

No chance

Double no due to her attitude

If she was mature enough to accept a no and your reasons then I’d be inclined to allow her if she still wanted it done after Xmas but given she’s having tantrums about it that would say to me she’s not mature enough yet to be allowed. If that makes sense