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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you're off with sick, is it crass to flood SM with pictures of what you're up to?

272 replies

MakeMineALarge1 · 07/11/2021 13:05

Just that really.

I work in a place that currently has a high incidents of stress and we have up to 20 people off with work related stress.

Now I get going for walks, out for lunch etc, can be great for you, but is it crass to put pictures on of all your weekends away, decorating your house and nights out?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 07/11/2021 13:07

It sounds a bit unwise, even though it sounds like they aren’t actually doing anything wrong.

operatinginstructions · 07/11/2021 13:07

I don't think I would judge if they're off with work related stress tbh.

SmellyLikeABlewBooHoo · 07/11/2021 13:10

Sounds crass, yes. Weird to do that and unwise, as a pp said.

Couldn't people stay out of SM for a weekend or post there much sought after pics after their sick weekend off? Sends a message surely.

Travis1 · 07/11/2021 13:10

Social media is only a snapshot of your life that you’re happy for people to see.

BiscoffAddict · 07/11/2021 13:12

I agree, but plenty of people will be along to tell you in a moment that YABU. It think would leave a sour taste in a lot of peoples mouths if they saw a work colleague doing stuff like that whilst off ‘sick’. It shows a real lack of self awareness actually. Just don’t share stuff on social media.

hardyloveit · 07/11/2021 13:12

Yep we have one off atm for stress has been for 5 months now but her SM if full of her loving her life - going out drinking and going in holidays etc.
I'm not a massive SM poster anyway but I'd feel a bit ashamed being off work and then plastering how much fun I'm having or what I'm doing etc

DrSbaitso · 07/11/2021 13:13

I don't know if it's crass, but it's pretty stupid.

Cuck00soup · 07/11/2021 13:16

Even more crass fraudulent to go off sick from your NHS job but carry on with your bar job.

BlusteryLake · 07/11/2021 13:16

I once had a team member who was off sick (pre-covid) because he could not make the half hour drive to the office. Yet he was happy to post about the six hour drive to Cornwall. Even if there was some valid reason for being able to do that but not the drive to work, it left a very sour taste in the team's mouth. Most unwise of him.

RachelHasThoseInBurgundy · 07/11/2021 13:16

I never understood the people who gripe about this (and before anyone says it- no- I’m not an offender- I’m self employed) if someone is off work sick with stress then they’re off work with stress- they’re not off life with stress. Work is usually the source of the stress so yeah, of course they’re feeling much better when they’re not at work!

GrimDamnFanjo · 07/11/2021 13:17

I wouldn't be doing that.
Mind you, I would be placing all work colleagues on a restricted list anyway.

Whitefire · 07/11/2021 13:19

I'm of the unwise line of thought too.

Some depends though, having done something that has a tangible outcome (such as decorating) may actually be a very good boost to their mental health and a good achievement.

BiscoffAddict · 07/11/2021 13:20

I think we all know that most GPS hand out sick notes like sweets though, and it’s really hard to prove that someone has ‘stress’ medically so if someone says they feel stressed who is the Gp to argue? This kind of piss taking is rife in the public sector and it is always the same people in my experience. I know one serial offender who was off for six months with ‘stress’ and then made a miraculous recovery when her pay was dropped.

Clocktopus · 07/11/2021 13:24

I think its between the.person, their doctor, and their manager as to why they are off sick and its between them and their doctor what duties (if any) they're able to undertake. When it comes to stress and other mental health difficulties it can be beneficial to temporarily remove a source of stress so that there is one less thing on that person's plate. As a PP said, they're sign off work not life and if socialising, exercising, going away, etc is aiding their recovery then they're well within their rights to do so.

There is a contingent on MN who seem to think that being signed off sick means you should sit in a darkened room, preferably wearing sackcloth and ashes, and think about nothing except how quickly you can get back to work. It's toxic presenteeism at its worst.

EileenGC · 07/11/2021 13:31

It’s crass all the time, not only when people are off sick. I really dislike all the posts and photos of people’s lunches, new living room lamps, or 7.5 month anniversaries.

woodhill · 07/11/2021 13:33

I think it's tactless to do this. I feel guilty leaving the house to go anywhere if I am off sick but sometimes you have to go to the supermarket for example

Isolateykatey · 07/11/2021 13:35

I did find it hard to stomach my colleague who was off with stress while following England rugby team around the 6 nations (to the actual countries/venues pre COVID). Every minute detail shared on social media.

I knew she didn’t have enough leave to cover the trip and had never been off with stress before or since the trip.

Mental health issues are seemingly untouchable, rightly so, but that doesn’t stop the system being abused.

Ghoulette · 07/11/2021 13:39

I wouldn't care. They are off with stress and obviously doing things that are helping them de-stress. It's a good thing.

Hate the notion that if you are off sick with whatever you have to sit in a dark room til you feel fit enough to work for an employer who is quite clearly judging you because of it.

Aburg163 · 07/11/2021 13:43

I'm not sure. Previously I'd have thought it was a bit silly but I'm off with stress myself at the moment and spend a lot of time on social media. It's boring at home and tbh I'm ashamed of being off but I am also really unwell. I think for a lot of people, going off with stress can make you feel like you've finally given up on yourself and social media can be a bit like an alter ego that keeps fighting. I know my biggest worries were what people would think of me for being off and people deal with these feelings in a funny way, even if it is posting pictures of lunch on social media to convince everyone they're not completely broken. That's how I think of it anyway, I had a really good attendance record before this and never thought I'd be off with stress in my career. It feels awful so I can understand people wanting to keep a bit of themselves documented as fun and happy.

Ghoulette · 07/11/2021 13:43

@BiscoffAddict

I agree, but plenty of people will be along to tell you in a moment that YABU. It think would leave a sour taste in a lot of peoples mouths if they saw a work colleague doing stuff like that whilst off ‘sick’. It shows a real lack of self awareness actually. Just don’t share stuff on social media.
So if I am off with stress and depression, I should confine myself to my home and do absolutely nothing until I am better? Or should I get help AND do fun things that will help me get better faster?

The former would stress me out and make me feel even more unhappy, increasing the time I was off and making my symptoms worse. The latter would help and I would probably come back to work a lot quicker and actually come back when I am ready, not just so others can deem me allowed to leave my house.

So yes. It is unreasonable to expect someone with stress to sit in a house and do nothing fun at all because other people are at work.

Ghoulette · 07/11/2021 13:45

@Aburg163

I'm not sure. Previously I'd have thought it was a bit silly but I'm off with stress myself at the moment and spend a lot of time on social media. It's boring at home and tbh I'm ashamed of being off but I am also really unwell. I think for a lot of people, going off with stress can make you feel like you've finally given up on yourself and social media can be a bit like an alter ego that keeps fighting. I know my biggest worries were what people would think of me for being off and people deal with these feelings in a funny way, even if it is posting pictures of lunch on social media to convince everyone they're not completely broken. That's how I think of it anyway, I had a really good attendance record before this and never thought I'd be off with stress in my career. It feels awful so I can understand people wanting to keep a bit of themselves documented as fun and happy.
This is why the stigma of being off with stress and depression, and actually going out and doing things to alleviate those two things, needs to stop.

You are sitting there in your home, adding to your stress because you are worried about your colleagues thinking you are taking the piss by actually doing things that might help you feel less stressed, whether that be going for a walk in town or doing something more extravagant.

Iliketeaagain · 07/11/2021 13:46

It shouldn't make any difference, that doesn't mean that it doesn't.

For staff who are left picking up the pieces when we can't find cover (nearly impossible in the roles I manage due to the skill set required) it doesn't leave the best feeling or people feeling particularly sympathetic when people off with stress post themselves having a great old time while everyone else is under pressure. It's different posting pictures of activities that help you manage stress / improve mental health, compared to a whole load of big nights out, endless cocktails and dancing til 3 in the morning.

Clocktopus · 07/11/2021 13:47

Hate the notion that if you are off sick with whatever you have to sit in a dark room til you feel fit enough to work for an employer who is quite clearly judging you because of it.

An employer who, if you became so unwell you were permanently unable to work, would replace you before the ink on your resignation letter was even dry.

Ghoulette · 07/11/2021 13:47

@BiscoffAddict

I think we all know that most GPS hand out sick notes like sweets though, and it’s really hard to prove that someone has ‘stress’ medically so if someone says they feel stressed who is the Gp to argue? This kind of piss taking is rife in the public sector and it is always the same people in my experience. I know one serial offender who was off for six months with ‘stress’ and then made a miraculous recovery when her pay was dropped.
A miraculous recovery, or was she forced to come back and put up with feeling like shit because they dropped her pay, which added to her stress anyway but she had no choice, it was either that or not pay the bills?? Hmm
Ghoulette · 07/11/2021 13:47

@Clocktopus

Hate the notion that if you are off sick with whatever you have to sit in a dark room til you feel fit enough to work for an employer who is quite clearly judging you because of it.

An employer who, if you became so unwell you were permanently unable to work, would replace you before the ink on your resignation letter was even dry.

AMEN!!!
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