Husband thinks I should get up earlier!

[AandWsMum]

I am currently on maternity leave for DC2 who is 14 weeks old and EBF. We also have a DS who is three and goes to nursery two days a week, and I’ve just found out I’m pregnant again with DC3, much to my surprise.

My husband works long-ish hours, leaving the house at 8am and getting home about 8pm. He gets up with DS about 5.45am. His job isn’t manual but involves a lot of travelling. In the morning he takes the dog for a walk, does breakfast for DS and gets ready.

I get up about 7am, but have normally been awake for longer feeding baby. He thinks I should get up earlier because he says he finds leaving in the morning stressful if I’m still getting ready, but usually everything is under control. He is never annoyed or moaning he just says it would

Apart from taking out the bins and gardening, I do literally everything else most of the time with him pitching in when he can - the shopping, cooking, cleaning, bath time, bedtime, taking kids to parties, organising bills, school run etc are all my responsibility. So if he’s about at bath time, he will do it while I clear up from dinner as an example but it’s not a given.

He struggles with being woken in the night so atm sleeps in the spare room while feed baby (I don’t mind tbh at least I get more space) but it also means I deal with the 3 y/o if he wakes up at any point too.

I go to bed around 11pm and feed baby usually from 1-2 and then again 3.30-5 ish.

I don’t mind doing everything I do and appreciate that the main reason he doesn’t is because he just not here, but I am also EXHAUSTED.

AIBU to stand my ground and stay in bed til 7am and leave him to do the early mornings?

Hi all - just a little update. It won’t come up as OP because I deleted my account before in a fit of Mumsnet rage 😂 was new to MN at didn’t realise I wouldn’t get the username back.

We have changed our timetable a bit and it works way better now (but still as busy!)
Husband is having treatment for OCD & anxiety - haven’t seen much of a change yet but hopefully it will come.
We lost the baby which was a huge disappointment but given our history not a huge surprise. That’s life I suppose.

Wasn’t going to bother trying to update with new account but actually the amount of inappropriate comments I got about the timing of the pregnancy really annoyed me and so I wanted to come back and tell you the outcome. Left feeling a bit bitter about them. If you think “we’ll that’s worked out” pregnancy wise I suggest you really need to think about yourself.

Thanks

@AandWsmum2 I'm really sorry to hear about your loss.
Mumsnet is brutal, and usually the majority of comments are uncalled for.

Hope you are ok

I'm sorry for your loss and I genuinely have no idea what is wrong with people to judge you and your pregnancy. Bonkers.

Perhaps you could re-evaluate DHs working pattern as it sounds like you both have a lot going on. I also have 2 young kids and 7 months in, the night wakings are taking their toll.

So sorry for your loss, @AandWsmum2

Oh, I'm sorry. That sounds horrible. When I had a 14 week old baby and was EBF, also with an older one in nursery, we all got up about 9am! The thought of having to get up even as early as 7, while also being pregnant again (you must be very fertile/unlucky to have ovulated so early when EBF) makes me want to weep. How do you feel about the new pregnancy?

@hopsalong Please read the latest posts to see why the thread revived by the OP regarding the pregnancy.

Thanks guys, going through the angry stage of grief at the moment I think because I was like “grrrrrr I WILL update those people and see how they like it!” Haha

We will be fine. I’d anything it’s made us realise that even though it’s chaos we do want another child eventually, if we can.

And having baby has especially kept me busy so been able to keep my mind off things

Ah I’m sorry for your loss. I too was got pregnant whilst ebf my 16 week old. It happens,, my periods hadn’t returned either.

Mumsnet van be brutal. Pay no attention the holier than thou brigade x

@Cheeseplantboots I wouldn’t admit that around here unless you want a lecture on contraception 😂🤪

At least it’s given me some confidence that hopefully we will be able to have another one!

@gah2teenagers

Your hair will dry naturally you know. He is working to support you all and you have allowed a third pregnancy.

Allowed a third pregnancy?

WTF?

Ah @AandWsMum2 Im so sorry. That’s really shit

Actually quite shocked at some of the judge comments on here

You sound like a nice family who have just got a lot going on

@HotPeppasauce2

I think if OP is awake anyway she might as well give the kids breakfast. As much as it's tiring.... OP will be at home unlike her DH which has to power through the day. Plus her 3 year old has 2 nursery days.

Is the plan for you to be a SAHM? I think you need to have a discussion because once three young children arrive the one who goes to work cannot be expected to get up every morning on top of a 12hr shift!

So basically…. Don’t expect him to look after his own kids in any way at all?

& Two nursery days isn’t much really is it? My kids go three days a week and I still feel like I can’t get everything done without having a baby to look after 24/7

I’m so sorry for your loss

I hope part of the timetable change is that you’re getting some more rest and sleep now.

Also he’s an architect, not like he’s doing 12 hours in an ICU. OP was an intensive care nurse so I’m sure she says “long-ish” knowing what actual hours he does and understanding what a long shift is.

I do feel a bit sorry for all involved because it sounds like hard work, with another loss sadly added in now, but I don’t think we have to Martyr the husband.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

Sorry for your loss, op.
Mumsnet can be a horrible place sometimes.