Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 06/11/2021 08:43

This wouldn’t bother me, but I see I’m in the minority. If I didn’t have a car, and my neighbours needed a space, of course they could use mine. I’m sure my drive gets used when I’m at work by parents picking up their kids from my childminding neighbour.

Voord · 06/11/2021 08:44

Blanket no, it’s a total piss take.

Lunificent · 06/11/2021 08:45

Absolutely don’t allow it.

londonrach · 06/11/2021 08:45

Yanbu. Tell neighbour it's your drive and for your use and guests only. Pop your bin at the front of the drive next week. CF neighbour

Whereismumhiding3 · 06/11/2021 08:46

It's not "ridiculous" for DCs to be uncomfortable with strangers driving into their driveway at their home and parking for ages on their drive, without being expected.

My teenagers would be very uncomfortable at that, know something was wrong as we didn't know them (besides stranger would walk away to another house) - not every DC is confidence, unaware of their surroundings and unbothered.

My eldest teen would go out and demand who they were? He'd be cross. My middle one one would be anxious and worried and desperate to talk to me and my youngest would either be scared or curious and go poke the car and try the doors.

and ... my cats wouldn't like someone parking in their sunbathing /lounging spot on my driveway Grin
They sit on any car in their spot which lives through the day depending on where the sun hits. Or if it's a warm car an cold day even if not in their spot but on our drive it is fair game . Our old cat had also been know to spray territorymark a wheel or two BlushConfused

EdgeOfTheSky · 06/11/2021 08:47

If it was a neighbour I know, having elderly friends once a week for a social event, while I was at work, on a drive I never use because I don’t have a car…. I would happily allow it.

I would stipulate just for this weekly event.

But why not facilitate something nice for someone when there is no detriment to you?

Good neighbours mean a lot!

Original poster
changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 08:48

Yes I agree with the principle of being neighbourly. It’s the fact that they didn’t ask and that I don’t know if saying yes to this will mean they think they can do it whenever they like…

OP posts:
Wheelz46 · 06/11/2021 08:49

If you are happy for them to park on your drive with permission each time, I would broach them and tell them your children were scared and worried about a random car on your drive. Then tell them, they are more than welcome to park there if they let you know in advance when they are going to do it.

If you are not comfortable with them parking on your drive, I would say you don't like strangers been so close to your house with your kids home.

EdgeOfTheSky · 06/11/2021 08:50

And I would say to my teens “Neighbours friend will be parking in the drive for bridge afternoon”. They would then probably smile and say hello in a friendly way.

I so much prefer to live like this.

(And likewise be clear about boundaries if something is not to my liking. I am taking about being part of a community, not a pushover)

FOJN · 06/11/2021 08:54

It would also be a blanket no from me.

One neighbour decided to do another neighbour a favour and then thought they could use your driveway to deal with the inconvenience they caused themselves and then between them they decided to stop playing musical cars and neighbour number two has decided your drive is fair game for their visitors because you don't have a car. They are way over the line with cheeky fuckery already so I can't see them adhering to any agreement and I wouldn't give an inch.

It's irrelevant that you don't have a car, it's your driveway and you decide who can park on it. Should I accommodate the neighbours overnight guests because I have a spare room? How about people sunbathing in my garden when I'm not using it. Should I be obliged to loan out possessions whenever I'm not actually using them? Of course not.

If they'd asked first I might feel differently but they are now confirmed cheeky fuckers and can't be trusted not to take the piss. There are also issues of liability if either your property or their car is damaged.

TempleofZoom · 06/11/2021 08:56

@changeyourname11111

Yes I agree with the principle of being neighbourly. It’s the fact that they didn’t ask and that I don’t know if saying yes to this will mean they think they can do it whenever they like…
Well they have already behaved in a rude and entitled way so I would say no and put something on the drive. Cheeky fuckers will just continue to be cheeky and then you end up having to really put your foot down, resulting in a huge drama.
MRex · 06/11/2021 09:01

Blanket no, emergencies only, sorry. Give no explanation, as that can be argued against. It's your drive, you don't need to explain you just say no.

There is a pay and display, if someone isn't competent enough to use that then they shouldn't be driving. Quite apart from the wear and tear on your drive, liability if the car gets damaged, risk of them running over your kids or their things as they won't be expecting a car, being unable to use your drive for guests / bins / moving things in and out of the garage... there's just no reason to want someone else's car there.

JeremiahStanding · 06/11/2021 09:02

Blanket no from me. It sets a precedent for future use of your drive, first it starts with bridge then there will be other occasions. You may end up getting a car and return home to find your drive occupied.

Just because you don't have a car doesn't mean your drive is up for grabs, same as when you are at work your back garden isn't available for everyone nor is your lounge.

Too many times on MN people report giving people and inch and they take a mile.

Elphame · 06/11/2021 09:02

No from me too.

If they'd asked the first time then I might have agreed but as they didn't its a hard no. I'd get plant pots too to block the driveway

stuckdownahole · 06/11/2021 09:04

We all know this script. If you allow this then it will cease to become a favour and will instead become an expectation. Then, one day, when you need to use your own drive for some reason, the neighbours get the hump. For that reason, I'd knock it on the head now.

However it was kind of you to do it and I've never understood the Mumsnet attitude about 'boundaries' and "never let ANYONE park on your drive EVER". I remember moving in to a new flat 20 years ago, pulling up with a van full of furniture to carry up two flights of narrow stairs, and the woman who lived in the ground floor flat made me park across the road to unload (in a heatwave) rather than use her parking space for an hour. I don't think I could live my life being that suspicious.

diddl · 06/11/2021 09:16

No.

If you say OK on this day for this reason they'll take that as meaning OK on any day for any reason imo.

They already thought it was fine just to do without asking.

Lalliella · 06/11/2021 09:17

I think it’s a very valid point about your kids. What if you had one child, a teenage daughter, who comes home to find a man on your property? Unacceptable from a safeguarding point of view. Your neighbour’s friend is royally taking the piss. Plus the elderly neighbour shouldn’t be driving if she hits gateposts, she could hit a child next.

DontStopMeNow1 · 06/11/2021 09:19

I've got something similar going on right now. Whilst I was out last night, a car parked on my drive for a couple of hours. I do have a car, but today it's having new tyres fitted. I've pulled the bin onto the drive and hope they get the message.

In my experience if you give them an inch, they'll take a mile, so I would agree with the plant pots idea.

bigred22 · 06/11/2021 09:24

@changeyourname11111

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

I couldn't be arsed making them ask every single week for the sake of it, what's the point. Just say a blanket no if you don't want them to park there

Geriatric1234 · 06/11/2021 09:25

I spend a fair bit of time away from my house and my neighbour has two cars. Our street is really tricky to park on. When I’m leaving I text my neighbour and tell her her family can use my drive. I see it as both being neighbourly and it’s good that my house doesn’t look obviously empty. But they never park there unless I’ve said it’s okay.

I’d say to your neighbour you don’t mind, but give them your number and say you do want them to ask as that is polite and they cannot know when you might need the drive for any number of reasons (friends/family/delivery). Add that if they do it again without asking that it’s trespassing and they will lose all goodwill with you. Honestly, wtf is with these CFers?? Manners cost nothing ffs!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 06/11/2021 09:25

My DS would be really freaked out if he saw strangers parking on our drive or getting out when he was entering/leaving the house.

Personally I would say that it can happen at certain agreed times per week only and on the understanding that if/when you get another car it stops completely. And also only extend the offer to elderly neighbour not random other one who decided it was ok.

seethesuninwintertime · 06/11/2021 09:28

I’ve regretted not saying no earlier in a similar situation

crikeycrumbsblimey · 06/11/2021 09:30

I’d say no because they didn’t ask, wouldn’t mind if they had. They, if in a fix, could have put a note through the door saying I hope you don’t mind.

Not asking means they are entitled and entitled people are always entitled to more

JingleCatJingle · 06/11/2021 09:34

For heaven’s sake, it’s the friend of an old lady and they play bridge. How much of a threat are they going to be really? I suppose there is a danger that the game gets exciting and the old dear passes away and then OP has to deal with the abandoned car, but seriously folks let’s be decent humans to each other.

OP go with your gut and say they can park on your driveway in the bridge club slot.
Buy heavy plant and perhaps a penguin bollard to ensure that they don’t park on your drive at other times.

HarrisonStickle · 06/11/2021 09:37

@changeyourname11111

Thanks for all the thoughts - I am mulling it all over while deciding what to do.

Also - I’ve just thought that it’s not that long that we haven’t had a car and my neighbour has been having bridge parties for years so they must have found parking before my drive became available to them. It’s also my immediate neighbour getting involved which has facilitated this.

I would say no for the sole reason that they never asked your permission.

If a neighbour had asked me if they could park on my drive for a particular reason I would have said yes for a one off. (My neighbour was having work done a couple of years ago and trade vans were on her drive so I agreed she could park on my drive whilst that was going on. She asked me first.)

Parking on your drive because they thought you were at work, that's cheeky!

I'd get a couple of pots and put them at the entrance to your drive and tell them you felt it was rude for them not to ask you beforehand.

And like you say, they've been playing bridge for years without your drive, they can continue their previous setup!