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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:
Angelswithflirtyfaces · 16/02/2022 16:21

Just goes to show however kind and generous you are some people take the piss.
Definitely get a chain and lock, I know you should not have too but this could go on for years and it will eat away at you. Or rent your driveway to someone with a caravan, that will stop their antics 😬

FabulouslyFab · 16/02/2022 16:37

@SpinningTheSeedsOfLove

How dangerous could an elderly lady be?

Try me

😂😂😂👍
WombatChocolate · 16/02/2022 18:05

No-ones ever asked to use my drive who lives on my road. If they had, however much I liked them, I’d have been really shocked by the request and just politely told them ‘no’. I think it’s an unreasonable request and actually getting into justifying it isn’t worth it. It’s your property and the fact you dont use it, doesn’t stop it being an unreasonable request.

As is often the case, it’s where people waver a bit, feel a bit guilty and then give a vague answer or allow something to happen grudgingly but don’t clearly communicate it can only be a 1-off, or feel too bad (unwarranted) to just say ‘no’ that these problems grow. A simple ‘no, that’s not going to work’ is the best answer. It’s clear and categorical. If someone asked me again after a clear and categorical answer, I’d be firmer still and say ‘No, sorry but private drives are not for neighbours to park on. I find your request really odd and I’m not going to change my mind so please don’t ask again, as I will have to say no again and I’d rather not. I’d like to maintain good neighbourly relations’

I have great relations with my neighbours. We feed each others’ pets if we’re on holiday, sometimes we have a drink in the garden of the other, take in parcels etc. However, we don’t ask to use each others’ gardens or drives or spare rooms. We don’t view each other’s property as something we’re entitled to use if part of it is not being used by the owner.

Some people seem to confuse a private drive with a space on the road outside someone’s house. It’s not the same at all.

Laiste · 16/02/2022 18:27

oil leaks.
That's another reason why i wouldn't allow someone else's car on my drive even if i didn't have a car myself.

I cannot understand why anyone would think that not owning your own car means it's somehow the done thing is to allow someone who does own a car to put theirs on your property Confused

As if it's a teeny tiny thing which no one will notice - and wont leak - or get in the way - or cause damage if their foot slips on their clutch and it shoots into your living room wall!

Quincythequince · 16/02/2022 18:29

@Blinkingbatshit

Yes *@Quincythequince* - be the decent human being and not just another w@nker… treat others how you’d like to be treated, they may learn some better manners from you! 😄
The OP hasn’t been anywhere close to a wanker! She’s behaved perfectly reasonably under the circumstances.
KeepingAnOpenMind · 16/02/2022 18:34

They are taking advantage of you

Blinkingbatshit · 16/02/2022 18:42

@Quincythequince - I’m not saying the OP has been a wanker (unnecessarily passive aggressive, yes but a wanker, no). However, you said that OP should not treat her neighbours with politeness or respect because they had shown her none - sinking to ‘their level’ would in my view make her (or anyone who behaves like this) one if she chose to do this. It’s that age old adage of two wrongs don’t make a right. But something tells me that’s not your view😄.

Leftbutcameback · 16/02/2022 18:47

Without being harsh there are a lot of people who post on MN who want a solution when there isn't one other than the obvious. I know it's hard to confront people but if you don't stand up for yourself OP, no-one is going to do it for you.

You need to tell them to stop, keep telling them. I don't understand why you didn't do that when you were talking to them the other day. Something like as you remember I didn't give you permission to park on my driveway and noticed that someone has done it again the other day. Please could you make sure that doesn't happen again. Polite, firm, you just need to do it I'm afraid.

Allergictoironing · 16/02/2022 20:35

[quote Blinkingbatshit]@Quincythequince - I’m not saying the OP has been a wanker (unnecessarily passive aggressive, yes but a wanker, no). However, you said that OP should not treat her neighbours with politeness or respect because they had shown her none - sinking to ‘their level’ would in my view make her (or anyone who behaves like this) one if she chose to do this. It’s that age old adage of two wrongs don’t make a right. But something tells me that’s not your view😄.[/quote]
But that leads to the person being polite and respectful being walked all over, so where do you draw the line? Parking on the drive having been asked not to previously (in a polite manner), obviously you think that's reasonable to have to put up with. Then the day they misjudge it and catch the edge of the lawn - still stay polite and respectful? Or when they hit the wall or gate posts going in and out of the drive?

So when SHOULD someone stop treating others respectfully? The OP tried the poilte respectful thing the previous time it happened, and now it's happening again.

Blinkingbatshit · 16/02/2022 21:37

@Allergictoironing - did you read my first post?! The one where I suggested an alternative way in which she could have dealt with the issue without resorting to childish note sending or being walked over? She’s dealing with a man who has been a bit thoughtless and a ninety year old who’s being mildly entitled…..not exactly neighbour’s from hell yet! I completely appreciate that she doesn’t want people parking on her drive and they shouldn’t if she’s asked them not to - I’m just saying that there are more diplomatic ways of dealing with people. Anyway, bridges are blown now so it’s all a bit late and pointless having the debate I suppose!

Mollysocks · 16/02/2022 22:43

@MordredsOrrery

It would be a blanket no from me because (1) they didn't have the courtesy to ask, just assumed a right to your property, and (2) if you need your drive in future are they going to allow that without complaint? There are enough threads on MN suggesting that once they've assumed point 1 they will move on to point 2.

Remember, you've paid for a home with a drive. You can leave it empty or park a Roller on it. Both those options, along with everything in between, are perfectly valid used of your property by you. You are not required to feel guilty or apologise for not using, or give away the right to use, your driveway just because other people have car-driving visitors.

Yes same. If they’d have asked it would’ve been a yes, because they just did it, it’d be a big fat no.
seven201 · 16/02/2022 22:52

I think you need to go knock on her door and say "hi. The other day your visitor with the X car parked on my drive. Please can you let all your visitors know not to park there?" I think getting a penguin bollard at this stage is a little bit of an over reaction. Maybe she didn't tell all her visitors after the note, maybe she is pushing back. Notes can sometimes wind people up a bit, some people need a discussion.

budlea64 · 16/02/2022 22:57

I learnt the hard way years ago. -Start the way you mean to go on.
Next door neighbour, then his daughter as well when she moved back home, then blocking me from getting in at all. Sorted them out and told them enough and to park on the road. They moved away.
Then another neighbour a few years ago telling workmen to park on my driveway, this happened several times even though I had politely said after the first time please ask me first. They never did. Then even heard her tell a gardener just to use my drive.
I have a huge drive so I think they expect it is their right to use it. Also they were renting their house from wealthy father and mine is a council house. I heard then talking to mates in the back garden saying if it’s council property then anyone should be able to use it... Oh do you think so CF’s?
So I bought a lockable post, about £35 with a sturdy padlock, and a bag of post mix, about £15 I think. My son and I spent about an hour putting it in.
Those CF’s have gone. The post is flat to the floor but can be deployed at any time if needed.

DixonD · 16/02/2022 23:36

I know exactly how you must feel about this OP as I would feel the same. It’s ok occasionally if they respect the position and ASK but you’re very wary of them taking advantage.

If I were you, I would install a gate/chain/bollards/security guard (🤣) to just stop it. You don’t have to say why you’re installing a physical boundary and they will be too coy to question you about it.

TheBestofTimesTheWorstofTimes · 16/02/2022 23:39

@WheresThatCatGoneNow

Well, if you dont have a car at the moment, so aren't using your drive, I would be inclined to let them use it.

If only to encourage good neighbour relations.

I don't have a car either, but have a driveway that can easily accommodate four cars.

My neighbour's SIL has had a white Ford Transit Van parked on my drive since last September.

I don't mind. It's not in anyone's way, and, in return, the neighbour's SIL is maintaining my garden and hedges for me.

Is it really a problem if you don't actually need to use your driveway yourself?

Did your neighbour's SIL ask you if they could park there or just presume they could? Probably asked you I bet.

You are getting free gardening for use of your drive, how wonderful for you Hmm - what it the OP getting? Ruddy grief.

So I am unsure why you have written about your reciprocal arrangement with your neighbour's SIL as it is absolutely nothing like the situation the OP is talking about

LadyNell · 16/02/2022 23:59

Nope you will have allsorts parking on your drive, they are taking the piss

Chitchatchatter · 17/02/2022 00:44

I used to live near to a hospital and regularly came home to find random people parked on my drive who then got aggressive when asked to move. In the end I installed a gate and that solved the problem. An expensive but effective solution. I just couldn’t stand the aggravation any more. It was my home and my property but i felt intimidated and anxious every time I came home.

Install some kind of barrier OP, if not a gate then a bollard and leave your neighbours to sort out their - not your - parking problems for themselves.

LadyNell · 17/02/2022 00:50

I have a constant problem with random illegally blocking my drive preventing me from getting out. Recently after politely asking to move their car I was verbally abused physically threatened and spat at and my property threatened. I got the number plate and reported to Police thinking I wouldnt hear anything but they are taking it seriously , common assault. I have now taken to parking over my own driveway I'm so sick of it

LadyNell · 17/02/2022 00:54

The person that commented on this happening more to womwn ...I totally agree, had it been my 6ft 5inch well built son I doubt this would have hapoened

Mo1911 · 17/02/2022 01:06

Fair enough they should have mentioned it but now you know what's happening I really don't see the problem. It's a sad old world if we can't make someone else's life a wee bit easier from time to time.

Chitchatchatter · 17/02/2022 01:27

@Mo1911

Fair enough they should have mentioned it but now you know what's happening I really don't see the problem. It's a sad old world if we can't make someone else's life a wee bit easier from time to time.
It’s a sad old world where some can’t respect other people’s property and boundaries and ignore requests for them to do so.
ChickenGotLegs · 17/02/2022 02:06

Could it be that the neighbour hasn't told her friend that she's not allowed to park there.

KosherDill · 17/02/2022 02:57

@budlea64

I learnt the hard way years ago. -Start the way you mean to go on. Next door neighbour, then his daughter as well when she moved back home, then blocking me from getting in at all. Sorted them out and told them enough and to park on the road. They moved away. Then another neighbour a few years ago telling workmen to park on my driveway, this happened several times even though I had politely said after the first time please ask me first. They never did. Then even heard her tell a gardener just to use my drive. I have a huge drive so I think they expect it is their right to use it. Also they were renting their house from wealthy father and mine is a council house. I heard then talking to mates in the back garden saying if it’s council property then anyone should be able to use it... Oh do you think so CF’s? So I bought a lockable post, about £35 with a sturdy padlock, and a bag of post mix, about £15 I think. My son and I spent about an hour putting it in. Those CF’s have gone. The post is flat to the floor but can be deployed at any time if needed.
I love this! Good on you!
billy1966 · 17/02/2022 09:24

@LadyNell

The person that commented on this happening more to womwn ...I totally agree, had it been my 6ft 5inch well built son I doubt this would have hapoened
Completely agree.

The neighbours think she can be bullied.

The sooner those bollards are installed the better.

Teamill · 17/02/2022 09:30

Honestly, don't waste money on bollards! Just go and knock on your neighbour's door and tell her quite firmly that you don't want her friend to park there. You had an opportunity to mention it when you saw her the other day and didn't so she might think you're ok with it. Just tell her that you're not.

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