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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:
traka · 06/11/2021 07:43

It's extremely rude and entitled behaviour

I would make it very clear that there's no parking on your driveway

PaulaTrilloe · 06/11/2021 07:46

What about a chained post with padlock?

A subtle demarcation that a line has been crossed. They would then have to ask your permission

Good neighbors have strong fences and all that!

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 06/11/2021 07:48

I would tell her that it's rude to use your drive without asking and you don't want to find yourself in a situation where your drive ends up being occupied on a daily basis by her or her visitors. I'd tell her that they can use your drive on that one day for that activity but she cannot use it whenever she likes and if / when you get a car then the arrangements stops completely.

Not those words of course, what works in writing often doesn't work verbally, but that sort of message.

MrzClaus · 06/11/2021 07:49

"Personally, I don't think anyone should be driving if they're unable to figure out how to use a public pay and display car park even if it is pay by phone!

Rubbish! Not everyone brings their phone everywhere/has data etc
And operating the app is a complete different set of skills. What a ridiculous comparison"

It still doesn't give anyone the right to park on a private drive! If someone doesn't have the ability to use a pay and display - where pay by phone is needed (e.g text / call a number with your reg and pay and use an app) park somewhere else. Don't just use someone's drive with the potential excuse of "oh I couldn't use the car park!" If they didn't bring their phone, park somewhere else. Not on a driveway!

I'd argue the skills of being able to operate are similar - if they don't have the memory function to remember how to use a pay and display car park, that'll impede driving, if they don't have the motor skills to be able to use their phone that could impede driving, if their eyesight isn't good enough to read the signs / use a mobile then that'll impede their driving.

If you cannot navigate using a pay and display car park, I do think it could call into dispute whether you can safely navigate driving a machine that can kill people. I think PP who mentioned their parent getting a ticket because he didn't work the pay and display is slightly different - he didn't attempt to then park on private property to go about his day, he left to find alternative parking. That's the company being annoyingly inflexible about minimum stay!

Whereismumhiding3 · 06/11/2021 07:51

When someone starts knocking their own gate posts with their car and needs help with things like microwave and simple phone instructions , it may be start of memory and driving problems .
Not sure I'd risk letting my NdN park on my drive - incase she hit my house, nearly rrun over my DCs or their stuff or hit my tree/ gate posts.

So either you're ok with this for neighbourly relations or you don't want it.

If you don't want it, pop round and say please move this car if it's yours or your friends, it's not ok to use our drive. I agreed a one off not regular there a car park across the road you can use.

If need be, then

Close gates (& padlock if you have to
  • Move some heavy flower planters onto your drive/ maybe a heavy bench looking at the garden to make more use of your front garden.
  • fit a penguin bollard, they are fairly cheap
HazelandChacha · 06/11/2021 07:52

@MyOtherProfile

You have to be careful, don't you? How long do people have to use your land before there's some kind of claim to having a right to it? Does anyone know about this?
😂
Lightisnotwhite · 06/11/2021 07:58

@changeyourname11111

I assume that the car was the bridge friend’s car but will check today.

It’s the not being asked which is rude, and my kids not knowing whose car that was. Also how awkward would it have been if the person parking the car had got out at the same time as my kids getting home and they would have been faced with having to interact with a stranger randomly at their house with no permission.

I would let them use it in future but say what you’ve written. The children had no idea who was parked in their drive and were concerned. Only that slot and just whoever’s car you give permission for.

We get cars parked outside the front on the odd occasion. It’s a road not a space so they are able to but it still feels intrusive and you end up feeling a bit responsible for the car thats plonked outside your window IYKWIM. So I get why parking on your actual drive feels outrageous.

waltzingparrot · 06/11/2021 07:59

For me, I'd either decide yes or no, not ask to be asked every week - that looks a bit petty if you're just going to say yes every week anyway. I'd probably tell the immediate neighbour that you've told the elderly lady her friend can park there on bridge days only.

twointhemorning · 06/11/2021 08:00

It's a difficult one. I would say no. The problem is people start being cheeky. Give an inch and they take a mile. The thing is it's not a one off event, it's every week. What if you have visitors or workmen and need access? What if other neighbours start using your drive?

I live in a small cul de sac and 12 out of 19 have drives, the rest of the street has a small amount of parking as a mix of permit and non-restricted on-street parking but not enough. We decided early on we wouldn't let neighbours park on our drive. We did allow the people next door to park across our white line when they were moving in as they had no drive for unloading, but then they started parking on this at other times and blocking one of our cars. We asked them to stop and they got all offended and stopped speaking to us. People are so entitled.

Whereismumhiding3 · 06/11/2021 08:02

I'd be more concerned about damage being done.
OP already said her NDN has ?hit her own gate posts , that she and her friends are in 80s/90s. Whilst some peop are fine at that age, sight and memory problems can occur before people realise they need to give up driving. It took my 96 year old neighbour 5 minor accidents (most she couldn't remember) and getting lost twice before she gave up driving.

I wouldn't want a car being regularly driven in my drive that may hit my house, belongings outside, trees or gate posts nor to be reversing or driving into my drive or garden unexpectedly so that we have to be always on the look out in our own garden!

I love to help my neighbours and regularly do, but not sure if I'd be happy with anyone parking in my drive that I didn't trust was a good driver

Bagelsandbrie · 06/11/2021 08:04

I’d say no and get a chain link fence put up across the drive. But then I’m not very neighbourly! Blush

Whereismumhiding3 · 06/11/2021 08:05

I also agree that unless I was close friends with a neighbour I wouldn't agree to them regularly using my drive

As other PP said, give an inch some take a mile

MadeForThis · 06/11/2021 08:05

I'm normally incredibly annoyed about CF parking but in this case it wouldn't annoy me.

I would have a conversation being firm that they don't use your drive at other times. I would be a bit annoyed that they parked without asking first.

Moneypennysfreedomfund · 06/11/2021 08:07

Please be very careful, a friend of mine let her neighbour use her dedicated parking space, she didn’t pick them up for it when they first started using it. She eventually challenged it because she wanted to rent out the space. She spoke to cf neighbour who said the space was his! She had set a precedent etc etc…. Anyway she had to get a solicitor involved which had a cost attached, she got her space back but the neighbour felt a precedent had been set. Neighbour felt that as she didn’t own a car
and she is a woman who lives alone he didn’t have to respect property law.

AchyFlower · 06/11/2021 08:11

Not sure where you stand with your insurance either

Original poster
changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 08:13

Thanks for all the thoughts - I am mulling it all over while deciding what to do.

Also - I’ve just thought that it’s not that long that we haven’t had a car and my neighbour has been having bridge parties for years so they must have found parking before my drive became available to them. It’s also my immediate neighbour getting involved which has facilitated this.

OP posts:
OhMyfanwy · 06/11/2021 08:14

Check with your insurance before you say anything

Original poster
changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 08:14

@AchyFlower

Not sure where you stand with your insurance either
Yes I was wondering about this too
OP posts:
Niffler92 · 06/11/2021 08:14

I’d say yes but only if they tell you first say the kids were freaked out by random car, presuming they were coming to your house.

EstuaryBird · 06/11/2021 08:15

@Jossbow

Why? Why ban them? You dont have a car, You know who the owner is, and where they are. Being neighbourly, isn't it?
But surely it’s being more neighbourly if you ask before parking on someone else’s private property.
MoreStuffingMatron · 06/11/2021 08:18

Put a chain across your drive way & padlock it

TrevorFountain · 06/11/2021 08:18

I'd check your insurance as well, OP, if you're giving permission to a driver who's a bit crap to park on your property, for if and when she causes damage.

I've seen cars round here hit and badly dented by other cars and bikes, damaged by a loose scaffolding pole, and on one memorable occasion a woman mistook the brake for the accelerator and drove into the front of a house causing carnage.

nameyouwhat · 06/11/2021 08:19

It's a no. people just end up taking the piss..They already are. ..

RedHelenB · 06/11/2021 08:20

It wouldn't bother me in all honesty.

nameyouwhat · 06/11/2021 08:20

Oh unless you charge them ..your drive is clearly an asset

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