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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work .

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it .

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:

Grenlei · 06/11/2021 10:20

The pay by phone system for parking here relies on you having a smartphone, so I can understand why quite a few people, not just elderly, might not be able to use that.

Personally I'd say a blanket no to using the driveway and either get a locking gate or some heavy plant pots just in case anyone 'forgets'.

TinkerPony · 06/11/2021 10:25

No cos they were rude no respect to ask first.
House insurance would be another reason to decline.
Put garden furniture on it.
What about gate?

SpeakingFranglais · 06/11/2021 10:26

@spotcheck

Personally, I don't think anyone should be driving if they're unable to figure out how to use a public pay and display car park even if it is pay by phone!

Rubbish! Not everyone brings their phone everywhere/has data etc
And operating the app is a complete different set of skills. What a ridiculous comparison

I agree, and not only that, every bloody town I go to has a different App, so I have downloaded the App that is used around my home city, Ring Go, but I refuse to do any others, its a constantly round of downloading and updating Apps and entering card details and registration details.

I keep a bag of loose change in the car which I can still use in lots of places, and get really pissed off if it is a ring and pay (takes forever) or ALL the different parking Apps.

Parking providers should recognise Accessibility, and have the option of cash, card or App. Lots do fortunately.

fumfspos · 06/11/2021 10:28

They should have asked but I would let the elderly neighbour's friend park there once a week for a bridge party but I'd make clear that if I got my own car at any point then they would need to find somewhere else to park with immediate effect.
You don't use the drive so it would be a kind thing to do to enable the neighbour to have her friends round.

And pay by phone car parks are all well and good but there are plenty of people who do not have access to a smartphone to do this. Before my Dad died he was upset as all the car parks on the stretch of coast where he lived changed over to pay by phone and he couldn't park there any more. He enjoyed driving to the coast and parking to look out over the sea and enjoy a picnic and a magazine. He didn't have the money on his pension to pay for a smartphone contract and he would have found it very difficult to use even if he did have one.

dresstokillmytime · 06/11/2021 10:32

I think it would be a flat no from me, just because whatever agreements you try to put around it, pisstakers will push it further.

Are you likely to get another car, do you have visitors who use your drive?

Don't end up in a situation where you can't get rid of them when you need to use your own drive.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 06/11/2021 10:33

I would go over and say its £5 per hour to park on our drive. If they dont like it they can use pay and display.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 06/11/2021 10:37

@MrzClaus

Personally, blanket no! They're already comfortable enough to be a CF and park on it without permission. You'd just be validating their CF behaviour if you gave future / retrospective permission. They are already proven chancers, I wouldn't encourage that.

Personally, I don't think anyone should be driving if they're unable to figure out how to use a public pay and display car park even if it is pay by phone!

Agree - blanket no.

Not just for the above reasons, but what happens there is any damage - to your drive or to any car parked there? What if your children are messing about int he front garden/drive and a car gets scratched, for instance.

They are bliddy cheeky. Stop them now.

RandomRoulette · 06/11/2021 10:38

I'd drop a note through both their doors with the ground rules so there can be no confusion:

'Dear Ns,

My children called me at work today to say there was a stranger’s car parked on our drive. I think it may be someone who was visiting you or next door.

As you know, we don’t have a car so I don’t mind being neighbourly, but if you would like to park on the drive in future please ask me in advance. My mobile is xxxxxxxxx.

We may have visitors, repair workers or get a car in future, so any use needs to be agreed with me and will only be on a temporary basis. As I said, though, happy to be neighbourly and help you out when I can.

I hope you understand.

Best wishes,

Nn.'

Cailleach1 · 06/11/2021 10:40

Why don't you say they could park on the road, in front of the dropped kerb? Then they wouldn't have to pay and wouldn't be impinging on your in any way, as long as you don't need access.

Nice of the chappie to involve himself in making sure the issue landed with someone else. Nice little liberty he took there without asking, with someone else's property.

TeeTotaller1 · 06/11/2021 10:43

Nope
Give people an inch and they take a mile

I don't know why but now I have a vision of your wall in pieces and babyshit brown coloured Nissan halfway through your living room window...

MRex · 06/11/2021 10:51

@cansu

They ought to have asked. I couldn't get annoyed about this though. Go round. Find out whose car it is and discuss. If you want to be neighbourly tell them it is OK once a week at that time but thats it. Given you don't use your drive and don't have a car you will come across as a bit of an arse to say no.

Can I use your living room while you're at work? Careful not to come across as "a bit of an arse".

Seeline · 06/11/2021 11:01

I'd be concerned about possible driver/car/children collisions. If driver isn't alert, and children aren't aware of a car entering/leaving their home, there could be an accident. My DC's use the drive as a social space, often chatting with friends after school etc. If an elderly driver isn't aware.....

Nosilayak · 06/11/2021 11:01

They'd soon be told if they did that where I live. We all have an allocated parking space and if anyone else or their visitors park on someone's space then all hell breaks loose. I move my car down the road if I know I have visitors coming, to free up my parking space for them, so they don't inadvertently park on my neighbours space. Your neighbours are cheeky, they should at least have had the manners to ask your permission. They don't know if you are expecting a visitor, workman etc. I'd stick a couple of plant pots or something in the driveway, but if you are going to let them park there then I'd inform them that they must check with you first each and every time whether it's convenient or not.

MollyGaves · 06/11/2021 11:04

And what happens the day you want to use your drive for visitors and are unable.

MinnieGirl · 06/11/2021 11:11

It’s all very well being neighbourly and kind to the elderly ladies friend. But it then becomes a once a week regular event. And what happens when you have a visitor on that day? And they can’t park on your drive? And the elderly lady who was so sweet turns nasty because she can’t park?

It sounds very mean but I would be putting large pots there or even bollards, and making it quite clear that I did not want anyone parking on my drive.

Riverlee · 06/11/2021 11:12

I would refuse. Really rude to park in your drive without asking, especially when there’s a car park available.

JudgeJ · 06/11/2021 11:14

@Jossbow

Why? Why ban them? You dont have a car, You know who the owner is, and where they are. Being neighbourly, isn't it?

You could extend that twisted logic, if I have money in the bank I'm not using does that give all and sundry the right to use it?

godmum56 · 06/11/2021 11:16

I really really want a penguin bollard but only if its shaped like a real penguin

CaptainClover · 06/11/2021 11:17

"Also how awkward would it have been if the person parking the car had got out at the same time as my kids getting home and they would have been faced with having to interact with a stranger randomly at their house with no permission."

Interact with a stranger!! That is what most of us have to do every day, children too.

I guess in this instance the approx. 90 year old lady would probably have spoken to the children and explained that she was visiting your neighbour??

Scary situation it is not.

Anyway, yes YABU, why not let them borrow your unused driveway for a few hours once a week.

What goes around comes around.

Original poster

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 11:32

It’s not about the person visiting it’s about not having been given prior permission.

I would never go and visit a friend and then park on their neighbour’s drive without knowing for a fact that I had that person’s permission or without having spoken to them first.

To be fair to the driver of the car however, my immediate neighbour might have said it was okay (even though he hadn’t asked me either).

OP posts:

loobylou10 · 06/11/2021 11:38

Some of these responses are making me howl! (Actually, no, they are making me wonder what we have come to!)
'Safeguarding issue' .
God, some people are so uptight. To answer your question OP, I am the first to feel the rage if someone parks in my spot (our garage is over the road from my house and isn't immediately obvious who it belongs to so occasionally, neighbours visitors have parked in front of it), but on this occasion, you have no car, are generally out in the afternoon in question and know whose car it is, I would allow this.
As long as it's clear it's for this time slot only and if you ever need the drive at this time, permission will be withdrawn.
Let common sense and decency prevail here.

Pottedpalm · 06/11/2021 11:44

@TeeTotaller1

Nope Give people an inch and they take a mile

I don't know why but now I have a vision of your wall in pieces and babyshit brown coloured Nissan halfway through your living room window...

Oh for heaven’s sake! Such drama.

Pottedpalm · 06/11/2021 11:48

@CaptainClover

Interact with a stranger!! That is what most of us have to do every day, children too.

I guess in this instance the approx. 90 year old lady would probably have spoken to the children and explained that she was visiting your neighbour??

Scary situation it is not.

Anyway, yes YABU, why not let them borrow your unused driveway for a few hours once a week.

What goes around comes around.

Agreed. People are being utterly ridiculous. I’m glad to day that where I live people are neighbourly and go out of their way to help each other.

Pascal80 · 06/11/2021 11:50

No, they are taking the piss. It's your house and your driveway. Block the driveway with some decorative plants. Why is it than when you are kind, people always have to abuse it?