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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:
bluebell34567 · 16/02/2022 12:28

@Jux

Chain across, with small padlock at one side - not obvious and not ugly.
v good idea.
WombatChocolate · 16/02/2022 12:31

Driveways are for your personal use. Regardless of whether you use it yourself, it is private property and not available to others to choose to use.

You wouldn’t go into someone else’s garden to sit or use their garden furniture just because they weren’t occupying it….so why would you do this with someone else’s drive? I find it Asti is hung that anyone would think they could do this.

If I saw someone parked on my drive, I would be extremely firm with them, that the car was to be removed immediately and to never be parked there again. I would. It enter into discussion about it or anything to to with the fact I wasn’t using it, even if I didn’t have a car. A drive is not public but private property.

In our road, some houses have drives and some don’t. No-one would ask to park on someone else’s driveway, and no-one would just go and do it. You either have your own or you don’t. That’s it.

The trouble is when people are cheeky and either ask to use someone else’s drive, or worse still just do it, and the owner doesn’t firmly crush the idea/action. All this ‘X won’t mind, they don’t have a car’ is rubbish. Think again about my garden analogy….who would ever think that was okay….using someone else’s drive is exactly the same.

Heyahun · 16/02/2022 12:33

i just couldn't get worked up about this especially when you aren't even at home half the time

Quincythequince · 16/02/2022 12:38

@WheresThatCatGoneNow

Well, if you dont have a car at the moment, so aren't using your drive, I would be inclined to let them use it.

If only to encourage good neighbour relations.

I don't have a car either, but have a driveway that can easily accommodate four cars.

My neighbour's SIL has had a white Ford Transit Van parked on my drive since last September.

I don't mind. It's not in anyone's way, and, in return, the neighbour's SIL is maintaining my garden and hedges for me.

Is it really a problem if you don't actually need to use your driveway yourself?

Yes, it is a problem. Because she’s told them not to do it, but they continue to do so.

Good for you that you let a white van remain on your drive in exchange for free garden work, but not everybody would want that. I sure as heck wouldn’t.

The fact that people are implying that OP is unreasonable because she doesn’t want this happening, is outrageous!!

It’s her private property, to use as she fits and she doesn’t have to allow free use to anybody else, ever. She owes them nothing, and clearly they are pisstakers.

WombatChocolate · 16/02/2022 12:40

The trouble is, once people start using your property, it becomes tricky if you want to use it yourself….if a friend comes over or a family member pops in. Suddenly you’re having to go and ask neighbour to move car or to give you access to your own property. This is not right.

It is totally fine to have an empty drive that is always empty, whilst others around you have parking difficulties. It is the same as you having an extra empty bedroom, whilst people down the road have 3 kids squashed in one bedroom. Because you have more space, doesn’t mean others can come and take it, or you should be allowing g anyone access because that’s the ‘kind’ thing.

This is about private property.

We are not talking about spaces on a public road outside your house which are fair game for all. Private Siri essays are entirely different.

Anyone experiencing this shocking behaviour just needs to be firm. It doesn’t matter if person is elderly or tries to manipulate you. - just be clear you are shocked they thought they could do it. Stress it’s orivate property snd whether it’s in use or not is irrelevant and you don’t want them there again. I’d also mention that you’ve know people call the police to remove such a vehicle elsewhere. If it happens again, I’d leave a note reiterating previous message and say if it’s there a 3rd time you will call the police. I’d be surprised if that was necessary if you’ve made it clear first time…..but too often people,e won’t be firm and clear and then bleat on about it…..it’s down to you to be firm and clear about it not being acceptable. No guilt required. It’s your drive and no one else can have any expectation of parking there regardless of being elderly disabled etc.

Joxster · 16/02/2022 12:55

The people who don’t see a problem with this and are happy to do it, would be fine with: their neighbour moving their gardening equipment in to their empty shed without asking, or using their garden for sunbathing without asking, or letting themselves in and sleeping in the spare room without asking, because they aren’t using those things themselves?

Don’t think so.

bigbeatmanifesto · 16/02/2022 13:04

Unbelievable disregard for your wishes to have been told not to park there and to just carry on and do it anyway is so disrespectful of your home.
I wouldn't want a random person on my drive either I'd go and knock and say I've written a note asking you politely not to allow your guests to use my drive but now I'm verbally telling you not to park on my driveway again.
Do whatever you were doing before you took it upon yourselves to use my home as your personal free car park.
Definitely think about installing a bollard.

WombatChocolate · 16/02/2022 13:18

I wouldn’t put in a bollard. Big expense. Annoying for you.

This can be sorted with firmness. Fortunately you seem to have just one CF neighbour.

Be very firm. Go round there and make it clear that you do not expect anyone connected with them to be on your drive again. Ask if they understand. Stress it is private property and irrelevant whether you are using it, or the age of their guests. Point out the pay and display car park. Say you really don’t want to have to get the Police involved.

user468375484 · 16/02/2022 13:27

It would be a big fat no from me - but I'm dealing with CF neighbours who asked to put some pot plants on my side of the boundary and are now telling me that they will be digging up my driveway whether I like it or not... err, NO!

Give these people an inch and they'll take a mile.

vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 16/02/2022 13:33

Print this entire thread off and blu tac it onto the car.

That'll learn them.

WombatChocolate · 16/02/2022 13:33

Yes, this is the trouble. A one-off kind gesture can lead to people thinking that thing is their permanent right.

When would I ask to park on a friends drive or across it? If I was visiting them personally and driving there. I would never ask a neighbour where I live for myself or any of my own visitors. That is their space. It is entirely up to them if they use it or leave it vacant. It is not available to me in any shape or form. I wouldnt dream of asking to use it, in the same way I wouldn’t dream of asking to go and sit in their garden or put people in their spare room.

bigbeatmanifesto · 16/02/2022 13:35

This company makes signs for driveways might be a cheaper way of staying your point, rsther than expense of a bollard.

https://www.jafgraphics.co.uk/private-drive-sign-no-access-sign?gclid=Cj0KCQiA3rKQBhCNARIsACUEWag2xLvCmpIhjotLLgMpuCOkJpPeKjo6TMnnJwNAh89QcUJvUZFUqAaApBlEALwwcB

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking
Blinkingbatshit · 16/02/2022 13:49

Hmmm, I’m obv too late to this to have any influence (& you prob wouldn’t care anyway since I’m obv the minority) on it but whilst I think it was cheeky of them to park on your drive without asking (or even putting a note on the car to the effect of Dear NDN, sorry we popped this car on your drive, there were no spaces available - maybe with a small bunch of flowers) I think your mistake was to write passive aggressive notes in the first instance - a really cheery ‘sorry, please don’t park on my drive it really doesn’t work for me but here’s my number and I’ll happily help you with the p&d or visitor permits’ would have been waaay less confrontational and likely to sour relations. Why can’t people just have a sensible conversation🤷🏼‍♀️ (& yes, you did speak to elderly ndn but then changed your mind and went back with a silly note). You CAN say no to things without falling out with people.

mam0918 · 16/02/2022 13:58

people saying why not... easy:

  1. could damage your property
  2. could attempt to sue you if their property is damaged on your property
  3. OP doesnt say age of her kids but they could run over your child or pet
  4. they could and looks like will invite other strangers to use your property

Its utter stupidity to just let them and if I was going to I would damn sure have rules set out and something signed to cover any liability.

Quincythequince · 16/02/2022 14:29

@Blinkingbatshit

Hmmm, I’m obv too late to this to have any influence (& you prob wouldn’t care anyway since I’m obv the minority) on it but whilst I think it was cheeky of them to park on your drive without asking (or even putting a note on the car to the effect of Dear NDN, sorry we popped this car on your drive, there were no spaces available - maybe with a small bunch of flowers) I think your mistake was to write passive aggressive notes in the first instance - a really cheery ‘sorry, please don’t park on my drive it really doesn’t work for me but here’s my number and I’ll happily help you with the p&d or visitor permits’ would have been waaay less confrontational and likely to sour relations. Why can’t people just have a sensible conversation🤷🏼‍♀️ (& yes, you did speak to elderly ndn but then changed your mind and went back with a silly note). You CAN say no to things without falling out with people.
So OP owes politeness and respect to people who have shown her none?

Ok then 🤨

Jvg33 · 16/02/2022 14:32

Don't let anyone park on your drive. It's your land to have access to whenever you wish.

Jvg33 · 16/02/2022 14:33

You could put your bins out on your drive to block it.

Artesia · 16/02/2022 14:39

@Lalliella

I think it’s a very valid point about your kids. What if you had one child, a teenage daughter, who comes home to find a man on your property? Unacceptable from a safeguarding point of view. Your neighbour’s friend is royally taking the piss. Plus the elderly neighbour shouldn’t be driving if she hits gateposts, she could hit a child next.
But it’s not- it’s a nonogenarian going to a bridge game. I think the teens are relatively safe…
Motorcyclemptiness · 16/02/2022 14:40

@KosherDill

Don't blame you, OP.

One reason it's infuriating is that people take liberties with women householders that they never would if a man were present. I have an idiot next door not speaking for years now because I objected to his daily dog waste in my front garden. He tells all & sundry I'm "a bitch" but he never ever let his dog soil the garden of the male householder the other side.

Bravo for standing up for yourself.

KosherDill I am 100% in agreement with you. Part of it is strength in numbers: neighbouring nuclear families or larger vs single mother or single woman householders are ALWAYS in the right and we are sad old witches if we stand up for ourselves - not much has changed since medieval times, I sometimes think! OP, I feel for you with the parking dilemma - I have similar issues as my space is not perceived as being 'in use' and therefore I'm seen as being out of line for objecting to its use by all and sundry. Cannot offer a solution, just empathy, sorry!
Momijin · 16/02/2022 14:44

If I didn't have a car I'd let my neighbours park in my drive. In fact, when I go away I ask them to so that it looks like someone is at home

xumaix · 16/02/2022 15:22

@Momijin

If I didn't have a car I'd let my neighbours park in my drive. In fact, when I go away I ask them to so that it looks like someone is at home
Yes, most people would, provided the "parker" asked first and it is merely now and then. Just parking without permission is a path to WAR lol.
FlasherMcGruff · 16/02/2022 15:28

Absolute pair of pisstakers. Any lawyers know if it’s parked on your property without your consent, if you can break the window and release the handbrake to roll it off the drive?! Wink

Blinkingbatshit · 16/02/2022 15:41

Yes @Quincythequince - be the decent human being and not just another w@nker… treat others how you’d like to be treated, they may learn some better manners from you! 😄

Helendee · 16/02/2022 15:51

Couldn’t they just park over the drive ( if you’re happy for them to) without actually going onto it?

Bootikin · 16/02/2022 15:57

Seriously you need to put a chain across your driveway. I cannot believe how entitled and cheeky your neighbours are, but you started off being feeble and they took advantage. Secure your property to stop them taking the piss.