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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour and neighbour’s friend parking on my driveway without asking

482 replies

changeyourname11111 · 06/11/2021 07:17

About a week ago I looked out of the window one afternoon and noticed that my neighbour’s car was on my drive.

I went round to ask about it and he said that the lady who lives next to him was having people over (weekly occurrence - a bridge party) and that one of her friends had asked to park on his drive so he had parked on mine. He said sorry, he had thought I was out at work Hmm.

The lady who lives next to him is very elderly and I get on with both her and my immediate neighbour so I said ok (not to this being regular though).

However this week, my kids (I am a single parent) were at home and texted me at work to say that there was a random car on our drive (on the same afternoon as the week before I think) and sent me a photo of it.

I assume that this is now the bridge friend parking on my drive, but am annoyed that no one asked for our permission.

The lady in question has her car on the street and a small drive of her own so I assume she must have had two friends over. There is pay and display across the street which is always free but on the other hand maybe the pay by phone is hard to navigate.

I’ve been really busy at work so wasn’t able to go round to either neighbour’s house, but today am
going to speak to both neighbours.

I am torn as to whether I should say just a blanket no to using our (small) drive (we don’t currently have a car), or whether I should say ok as long as they ask first (the lady has my number, my immediate neighbour doesn’t but I will give it to him). I have a feeling that if I say ask first they will not bother and just park there.

Anyway, aibu to think that it is really rude to do this?? Am lying in bed feeling increasingly annoyed about it Grin.

And would you ask them to ask first or just say a blanket no?

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 16/02/2022 08:43

Next time bump the bonnet and set the alarm off? I would be letting the tyres down.

BlondeDogLady · 16/02/2022 08:46

90+ Just be kind and let them park there. They won't even be around much longer.

billy1966 · 16/02/2022 08:46

OP I think you should go ahead and get the bollards.

Elderly or not, they are rude.

Other neighbours may follow if they think you are open to being bullied.

Get the bollards.

THEY have soured relations by their presumptuousness.

CecilyTheWake · 16/02/2022 08:48

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Next time bump the bonnet and set the alarm off? I would be letting the tyres down.
Why would you want to immobilise a car parked on your driveway without your permission and/or have the alarm going off every few minutes until they get back?
crowsfeet57 · 16/02/2022 08:50

OP you have been really patient. My drive is regularly blocked by visitors to my neighbours or people staying at the air bnb opposite (3 bedroom house with no drive or private parking spots extended to 5 bedrooms often rented to workers who rock up with 5 vans for a week.)

I now have a zero tolerance and make a fuss every single time it happens. Even then it just stops for a while and before starting up again. You really need to assert yourself with these people or they will continue to do whatever they want.

Timeturnerplease · 16/02/2022 09:01

As an aside, I do think the increased use of smartphones for everyday life does have ramifications for some people - not necessarily elderly. My ILs are in their 70s, fit and healthy with all their faculties but they have just never been interested in technology. They’re old fashioned country folk who only got a landline in the 2000s when DH insisted on them having one because the phone box across the road was repurposed!

For people like that, having to buy and use a smartphone just to park etc is a massive PITA. It’s fine for them because I do all their online admin (they do most of our childcare so it’s a reciprocal arrangement!), but I imagine other similar minded folk feel very excluded.

Timeturnerplease · 16/02/2022 09:05

Oh, and big old rocks do the trick to stop people parking - my dad uses them to stop vans turning around on his driveway and creating divots under the gravel. He can lift them himself, but if you can’t you could keep one of those moving platform thingies at the side of your house and just roll them away when needed…

MrMrsJones · 16/02/2022 09:07

Get some chain from a local builders merchant and put it across your drive

Teamill · 16/02/2022 09:08

Personally I'd be ok with it as long as it was just for the bridge class. If you don't want it then go and talk to her again. I don't understand why you didn't mention it when you saw her the day after her friend parked there again.

TokyoSushi · 16/02/2022 09:09

Oh OP, what a pain! You sound really lovely. Flowers

drpet49 · 16/02/2022 09:11

I would get bollards

ILoveAllRainbowsx · 16/02/2022 09:12

@Jossbow

Why? Why ban them? You dont have a car, You know who the owner is, and where they are. Being neighbourly, isn't it?
This. They should have asked but they didn't. It doesn't cost you anything and you can always contact them to move the car if you need the drive.
rainbowstardrops · 16/02/2022 09:12

I remember your thread when it was current and I can't believe that they're still being CFs!!!!

CurbsideProphet · 16/02/2022 09:14

I can't imagine a scenario where I would say to a friend "you can just park on the driveway two houses down". It just seems such an odd thing to do. And then you've got another neighbour encouraging it. So strange.

My main concerns (apart from it being unbelievably rude) would be they misjudge swinging into the drive and damage a gatepost; have an issue with their car and leak oil onto my drive; or some other scenario where there is damage to my property. I would be left trying to claim on my house insurance for something I hadn't done myself, plus incur the additional costs.

I'm not probably not surprised neither neighbour has thought of this, as some people are so self involved they have no interest in the impact they could be having on others.

Kennykenkencat · 16/02/2022 09:17

My main concerns (apart from it being unbelievably rude) would be they misjudge swinging into the drive and damage a gatepost; have an issue with their car and leak oil onto my drive; or some other scenario where there is damage to my property. I would be left trying to claim on my house insurance for something I hadn't done myself, plus incur the additional costs

Or there is a child on the driveway

Skinnytailedsquirrel · 16/02/2022 09:23

You need to be firm and say no. It's very rude of her to do this. Next thing there will be an oil leak from the car which will ruin your driveway, or she will not be able to drive and the car will be dumped there and be your responsibility to have removed.

NotTryingHardEnough · 16/02/2022 09:28

All the new people saying 'oh but it’s an old lady' and 'be kiiiiiiiiind' need to RTFT. There is a history, you know.

OP, you weren't BU then and YANBU now. Get the bollards or similar.

Peachy7 · 16/02/2022 09:28

It's rude of them not to ask, but also anyone can park on anyone's drive and there's nothing anyone can do about it, which is bloody ridiculous

Gonnagetgoing · 16/02/2022 09:29

It's not on for safety reasons, that OP doesn't like it etc.

It is also just plain rude. Doesn't matter if they're 90, they could easily live a few more years!

also if OP were to get a car she wouldn't be able to park there.

I'd go with chain or penguin bollard as long term solution as they are not listening to you.

Laiste · 16/02/2022 09:29

Chain across, if you can (you can buy it by the meter online or in DIY stores) or one big planter in the middle of the drive.

You only need to make it impossible for a car to fit on the drive without moving the planter. They wont do that!

NYnewstart · 16/02/2022 09:38

I think you are the cause of the bad feeling tbh. It wouldn’t have hurt to agree to just that regular parking slot. You could have refused more if they’d pushed it, but at least you’d have been seen to be a bit neighbourly.

They probably don’t care about pissing you off now, but I agree that they shouldn’t have parked there again even if they are not happy with you.

MordredsOrrery · 16/02/2022 09:46

OP isn't the cause of the bad feeling! The neighbours did something rude, OP rightly stated that she wasn't happy with their actions or suggestions, now the neighbours are behaving badly.

Her driveway is not public property. It is not up to her neighbours to decide who uses her driveway, when and for how long. That her neighbours are ignoring or being otherwise off with her says that their view of neighbourliness is actually pretty selfish.

ThePurpleOctopus · 16/02/2022 09:46

I don't understand why people are talking about kind gestures and being neighbourly, but only the OP is expected to do this.

Surely if everyone involved is so kind and lovely, and OP should be helping them out, then it should have gone like this...

  • Bridge neighbour: OP, is there any chance my friend could use your driveway later today, around 2-4pm? It's hard for us to find other parking.
  • OP: Yes, that's fine. No problem, and thanks for asking.

And then maybe after a few weeks of asking, the Bridge Neighbour could have said something like:

  • Bridge Neighbour: Thank you so much OP for letting my friend use your drive the past two weeks. Is there any chance it could be a regular thing, just that 2-4pm slot on a Wednesday.
  • OP: Yes, I think that's ok. Obviously if we got a car at any point we would need to change this arrangement, but it's ok for the moment. Thanks for asking.

But that's not at all what happened. Everyone assumed they could use OP's drive, didn't need to ask permission or forgiveness, and have been rude or a bit off to her when SHE (OP) has gone round to talk about it.

A PP talked about the lovely cul-de-sac she lives in where everyone is so nice and neighbourly and everyone lets everyone use their drives. Great. But that's not what's happened here - people have taken advantage of OP and don't even think it's worth apologising to her about it.

The OP might have dealt with it very differently if either of the neighbours had been kind of neighbourly with her in the first place. But now it's probably all left a sour taste and she (rightly, in my view) feels disrespected by them both.

BoredZelda · 16/02/2022 09:52

Not sure where you stand with your insurance either

Nowhere. This is not an insurance issue.

How difficult is it to put cones or planters along the driveway if you aren't using it anyway. Because I can't believe someone is actually asking if they should allow other people to regularly use their driveway to park.

SockFluffInTheBath · 16/02/2022 09:54

Rather than bollards and pots could you leave your wheelie bin smack in the middle of the gateway?

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