Another toddler attacked and bit my child's face

[nova99]

Dd attends a local nursery and she came home today with a huge dark red bite mark covering half her cheek. Nursery called me in the afternoon to tell me this had happened. However when I went to collect her she had a the huge (very swollen) bite mark, a scratch on her head, a bloody scratch on her chin and a deep scratch that looks like it had been bleeding in the other side of her face with lots of little scratches around it.
She looks like she's been mauled and I'm absolutely horrified.
Nursery staff told me that another child had done this to her. However they said they could hear her crying and went to find her hiding in her sleep area and saw the marks. They were apologetic, said the child in question had bitten other children that day and they will be talking to the child's parents.
It just doesn't feel like enough. She's only just turned 2. She's a quiet, delicate little thing which makes this all the more heartbreaking.

I'm so angry. It's not like a few little scratches. I'll need to take her to the doctor for the scratch and the bite alone. She complained of pain in her cheek so I gave her calpol.

What can I even do? Who can I even complain to? I know kids rough and tumble but honestly this is something else

My daughter was bitten very severely between her shoulder blades when she was in nursery. The child basically bit her and held on. Ten years on she has permanent scarring and certainly hasn't forgotten it.
The biter had many issues and needed one to one supervision which he wasn't getting.
Surely your nursery needs to risk assess this situation.

@nova99 how horrific

People are saying that bites happen, but come on, she sounds like she’s been mauled!She has numerous injuries on her face, not just one. I would assume she would have cried at the first injury, so why wasn’t anyone there sharpish? I’m sure people will come on to say ‘staffing issues’, but tbh, they isn’t good enough.
Accidents happen, yes. But to have that many injuries, I’m sorry but I wouldn’t be happy either

Batshit if you know how to address it properly, I'd love to know how, genuinely. Because we tried. We were not shrugging it and saying "Aaahh these things happen". The nursery workers were watching him closely but were not able to always stop him.

Those suggesting the exclusion of a child because they bite should try to have a biting child. Because my child bit, I should have quit my job and looked after him at home (no I didn't have family to look after him nor could I afford a nanny). Ok then. Should we also exclude kids who hit others?
Ridiculous

So what did you do to stop your child bring a violent brat? Hitting and biting are not behaviours that children should have to tolerate no matter how young. Someone is failing the child if they do this repeatedly. I have two and neither did this as I wouldn't tolerate it. I've seen FAR too many useless parents minimise their offspring smacking and biting my children like you are - surprise suprise m they were crap lazy - kids will be kids - parents too!

Biters should not be at nursery, sorry. Why should other children be at risk of assault. Parents should seek whatever help is needed to stop them from biting, it is not for other families to take on this risk like it is a fact of life.

@AssassinatedBeauty

I think the nursery need to be clearer on what they will do to protect your DD from now on. You can't ask about the other child or insist on them telling you what they will be doing with them to address their behaviour. They should only speak to you about keeping your DD safe. So, do they plan on keeping her away from this other child? What will they do if she shows signs of being frightened by other children or nervous about being at nursery?

I hope your DD feels better soon, it must have been a real shock when you saw her. My DS had a similar experience and came home with a very red, angry full bite mark on his cheek. It is quite a shocking thing to see.

I agree with this. I wouldn't send her back unless the child that bites is made a one to one. Member of staff constantly on him or her

@Ledition

Not sure there's much you can do though, toddlers do bite each other

Only toddlers who aren't supervised properly do this repeatedly. It's bad supervision/management that allows this to happen. It is not and should not be considered normal just because some people are too useless to keep their toddlers/the toddlers in their care in check.

Breathtakingly ignorant comment there.

Good luck finding a nursery with such a level of care that no biting ever happens.

I'm surprised that this is being minimised on this thread. Why did people only know about this when your DD was crying, why were the children unsupervised? They say the went to find her - why wasn't anyone with her anyway or in the room?

The nursery are to be held to account for this and I'd be asking them what they are planning on doing in terms of supervising the children from now on to ensure that this does not happen again.

@LiberteEgaliteBeyonce

Batshit if you know how to address it properly, I'd love to know how, genuinely. Because we tried. We were not shrugging it and saying "Aaahh these things happen". The nursery workers were watching him closely but were not able to always stop him.

Paediatric psychologist?

@ldfdyjxzyjkv

It is a private nursery there will be terms about behaviour that will enable them to withdraw the service.

Not if they have funded 3 and 4 year olds

I agree with this. I wouldn't send her back unless the child that bites is made a one to one. Member of staff constantly on him or her

This. It doesn't matter if 'some toddlers bite', I wouldn't expect my child to be in the firing line of that when you're paying for them to be cared for and kept safe. It doesn't sound like it was a quick nip either, there were cuts and scratches on that child's face. A quick bite if they were fighting over a toy or something I can kind of understand...but this isn't what happened and other children/families shouldn't have to bear the burden.

This happened to my DD and the child that did it was a repeat offender. I said I didn't want him anywhere near her and if it happened again I would withdraw both my children. He was placed on 1:1 supervision and eventually left. It's horrible I know and I know kids do bite sometimes but this was not a normal bite and sounds like yours isn't either. Ultimately you pay them to keep your child safe and they need to do that and find a solution.

Skyler unless you misread me, I never said it was acceptable because it isn't. But acceptable or not, toddlers bit, hit, pull hair and can be generally unpleasant. It comes with the territory.
Now if you think that exclusion is the way forward, fine, I won't change your mind. But I think that by definition, young children are not terribly good at regulating their emotions and that's why they behave like that. This is why I am not I. Support of exclusion but education.

All these people suggesting 1:1. So you think nursery should employ a member of staff to work with that one child, when he is paying no more than anyone else and doesn't get any extra funding (need to have quite serious special needs to get 1:1 funding). It's not going to happen

I'm gonna be a bit of a dick here and say that if children are biting others severely enough that they cause multiple injuries, their parents should front the costs of 1:1 in nursery, until their kid doesn't bite others. It's not acceptable for other children to be injured this way.

@biddlybop

All these people suggesting 1:1. So you think nursery should employ a member of staff to work with that one child, when he is paying no more than anyone else and doesn't get any extra funding (need to have quite serious special needs to get 1:1 funding). It's not going to happen

I'm gonna be a bit of a dick here and say that if children are biting others severely enough that they cause multiple injuries, their parents should front the costs of 1:1 in nursery, until their kid doesn't bite others. It's not acceptable for other children to be injured this way.

@biddlybop agreed

NRTFT

I’d take her to the dr if you feel you need to, especially if the skin has been broken.

When you’ve calmed a bit you need to have another conversation about how they going to protect your child and other children. Things definitely happen with toddlers, all the staff can do is talk to the parents and watch biting child, they can’t do anything unless the child keeps doing it. I know children who have been removed from settings for biting, but those children need to be given a chance first.

LiberteEgaliteBeyonce

Skyler unless you misread me, I never said it was acceptable because it isn't. But acceptable or not, toddlers bit, hit, pull hair and can be generally unpleasant. It comes with the territory.
Now if you think that exclusion is the way forward, fine, I won't change your mind. But I think that by definition, young children are not terribly good at regulating their emotions and that's why they behave like that. This is why I am not I. Support of exclusion but education.”

At two, most toddlers do not bite, hit and pull hair because they have been taught not to.

OP "they were apologetic, said the child in question had bitten other children that day and they will be talking to the child's parents."

this jumps out at me. It wasn't just one incident that happened in a flash and I understand no one can supervise every millisecond.

but the child bit other children? The minute the first one was discovered, the biting child should have been under 1:1 surely - or parents called if that wasn't possible.

I hope your DD feels better asap.

@MrsSkylerWhite

My neurotypical two year old has bitten. What a ridiculous statement to make.

Paediatric psychologist? Blimey!
Funnily enough though, the nursery workers never assessed my child as having mental health issues. And I'd like to think that they have a good deal of experience.

This thread has gone mental.

A toddler gets bitten by another toddler at nursery in a seemingly one-off incident and we’ve got talk of assault, attack, trauma, threats of legal action, cctv, exclusion, paediatric plastic surgeons and child psychologists.

Absolutely fucking batshit.

Jesus, the poster who suggested op lawyer up needs to calm the fuck down!

It does sound as though the incident involved more than a bite at therefore took longer than a couple of seconds.

Have you taken some photographs? Hopefully nursery are considering how they will supervise the biter and how they plan to reassure your daughter during her next few visits but it would be annoying to have this incident minimised in the weeks ahead when the marks have faded.

Your dd deserves extra considering as she resettles and photographs will mean that ot can’t be referred to as ‘a little nip’ in 3 weeks time.

Yep sorry @LiberteEgaliteBeyonce - children who repeatedly hurt others to the degree described by the OP (or less tbh - repeatedly causing other children harm is not ok) should be removed from the setting. It's hard and nobody says it isn't but the right of a child to go to nursery without known risk of harm trumps the right of the biting child to attend. OP - so sorry this happened to your DD and that so many here are ready to minimise, particularly given that her injuries sound pretty nasty and unusual. I would agree that a meeting with the nursery to establish exactly how they will keep DD safe moving forward is required. I would also look at their policies and see if the wording indicates that parents whose child repeatedly behaves in a way that causes others to be unsafe may be asked to remove their child from the setting. At the very least you need to know that this will be prevented in the future for your DD and, if they can't arrange 1:1 for the other child (which would seem to be the only solution), you'll be either asking them to follow their own behaviour and safeguarding policies (assuming they have a section as described above) or withdrawing your own DD from the setting.

This is a common phase that (some) toddlers go through. My (otherwise sweet, quiet, and kind) son went on a pinching spree around this age for a few days! It was awful! If you think you feel bad now, think yourself lucky you're not the mum of the biter!