Another toddler attacked and bit my child's face

[nova99]

Dd attends a local nursery and she came home today with a huge dark red bite mark covering half her cheek. Nursery called me in the afternoon to tell me this had happened. However when I went to collect her she had a the huge (very swollen) bite mark, a scratch on her head, a bloody scratch on her chin and a deep scratch that looks like it had been bleeding in the other side of her face with lots of little scratches around it.
She looks like she's been mauled and I'm absolutely horrified.
Nursery staff told me that another child had done this to her. However they said they could hear her crying and went to find her hiding in her sleep area and saw the marks. They were apologetic, said the child in question had bitten other children that day and they will be talking to the child's parents.
It just doesn't feel like enough. She's only just turned 2. She's a quiet, delicate little thing which makes this all the more heartbreaking.

I'm so angry. It's not like a few little scratches. I'll need to take her to the doctor for the scratch and the bite alone. She complained of pain in her cheek so I gave her calpol.

What can I even do? Who can I even complain to? I know kids rough and tumble but honestly this is something else

The biter sounds like a nasty little so and so
He's two.

I agree that some of the posters on the first couple of pages are massively minimising this incident. It’s not a simple bite out of frustration - this child attacked the OP’s daughter, causing multiple injuries.

My DC1 was bitten at his (outstanding, expensive and generally lovely) nursery but it was a small bite on the arm by a younger child who couldn’t speak and it only happened once - the nursery were straight on the case and the other child soon grew out of the biting stage. The way the OP’s nursery has dealt with this is appalling and I would not be sending my child back even if they removed the biter from the setting. I’d also report the handling of the incident to Ofsted.

It is still probably out of frustration. There are lots of 2 year olds who cannot speak, cannot communicate effectively or struggle with self regulation. The issue here should be solely with nursery.

Your poor wee girl. My heart really goes out to you both

@Nicknacky

What more do you want to happen?

This. How can you punish a two year old? I'm sure his/her parents will be mortified.

Yes, but the parents being mortified doesn’t help the children he is attacking.

@GrandmasCat

Yes, but the parents being mortified doesn’t help the children he is attacking.

No one else will know what is going on in the background to prevent it happening again either in the Nursery or with the parents.

@MrsToadflax

I'd be asking how the children were left unsupervised long enough for it to happen. They were only alerted when they heard her crying...by which point she'd run off to hide. This would worry me.

This.

How long did it take for this to happen and for her to be mauled, run away and hid and then to be heard crying.

That smacks of poor supervision.

Take some photos and email your questions into them with the attached photos.

She's tiny, she really shouldn't be left unattended like that.

You must be so upset.
Poor little thing.

It's not about punishing a two year old🙄🙄, it's about very small children being adequately supervised.

He did it to several children ffs.

Very poor.
I would be very pissed off.

I'd be very pissed off.
Biter is lucky he's not a DC of the 70's or 80's he'd be bit back.
At two they've an understanding of pain.
I used pain to help DS realise why he couldn't hit other DC.
He doesn't like pain has an sobbing reaction if he sneezes unexpectedly, he got it.
Can you speak to the parent? It isn't advised but I welcomed up as it helped me teach DS at home and he got a 1on1 too.

There's biting and then there is the OPs Childs face being "mauled" according to her description - I have 3 kids - I get it - but that is an extreme "attack" for want of a better word

Irrelevant that he's 2

For someone at this developmental level ( whether it is due to age or disability) it is the immediate care givers responsibility to ensure everyone's safety. There seems to have been several very young children who were out of adult sight for some time. This is a failing of the nursery.

"At two they've an understanding of pain.
I used pain to help DS realise why he couldn't hit other DC."

Ds at two would have had no understanding of that.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll puppies dont viciously bite (though they may sound like it when they are growling away whilst attacking your ankles)but it is more than a nip and it hurts (more than a bite from a child- they have incredibly sharp teeth!) and can draw blood. I did keep them away from other peoples children when they were in the biting stage. Adults were warned and if I knew they didn’t like dogs I would keep puppy in a different room. My children learnt to leave the room when puppies were in a biting mood.

@EmeraldShamrock I do t think they really realise that other people have feelings until much older. Maybe you scared your child with a smack? I definitely don’t think that is the answer. When I worked in a nursery years and years ago the children who were smacked at home were the children who were much more aggressive at nursery.

It is absolutely the nursery’s responsibility to look after and keep safe all the children in their care. That is what parents pay for. They don’t pay other toddlers to regulate their own behaviour.

Nurseries can only take-on the number of children they can manage to do that for successfully. They need to factor into their calculations that at age 2 or whatever, some kids will need greater supervision than the standard ratios and then to provide it as required. It is not good enough to say that the official ratios were met, if they did not keep children safe.

Nurseries with toddlers will always have some biters, some hitters and always some unpredictable behaviour. Their job is to know this and to provide adequate supervision. The reason nursery is so expensive is because of the high levels of supervision needed. If a nursery cannot make a profit and meet the necessary levels for the legal requirements AND the individual children they have in their setting, they simply cannot operate. It isn’t acceptable to know you have a child who has injured another child and to not then adjust the ratios and staffing and supervision to significantly minimise the risks in future.

So, nurseries don’t always know the risks of individual children until they emerge. That’s why there are minimum ratios and best practices. You don’t leave children in a room alone, so even if they are very well behaved and mature, on the occasion when something WILL happen, and there’s no doubt it will, you are there to act speedily.
And when a specific risk appears - and again it will, in terms of a biter or a hitter, or whatever, you then have to have the flexibility and staffing to UP supervision in those areas where needed and reduce the risk.

These 2 things - the proper measures in place all the time, plus extra measures when needed are what parents need to know exist, in order to be able to leave their kids at nursery. The nursery can’t guarantee there will never be a biting incident. However, appropriate supervision should mean anything is quickly spotted and stopped. And then extra measures put in place to reduce the risk in future. That’s what parents can expect.

If a biting incident and reporting happens as described by Op, there wasn’t adequate general supervision to start with, plus even more worryingly, no immediate response to adjust supervision to minimise the risk if a repeat. This is unacceptable on both counts.

“She has been put on antibiotics” bollocks she has.

I do t think they really realise that other people have feelings until much older. Maybe you scared your child with a smack? I definitely don’t think that is the answer
How dare you make an accusation "maybe I gave my child a smack"
You rude so and so.
No I'd never smack my child but did explain smacking makes the other DC hurt/sad.
I explained how he gets sad if he is hurt.
I created social stories with pictures, even with ASD he understood.
At 2 they've all grazed a knee and can comprehend pain.

I wanted to call you more than a so and so obviously but didn't want to upset HQ.

@3WildOnes You automatically assumed my DC suffered violence at home as the reason he smacked other DC.
No he is autistic has an emotional disorder and ADHD.

@Whereis you seem very angry about a 2 year old being put on antibiotics for an injury. It’s normal for prophylactic antibiotics to be offered for a human bite

From the nhs website

^ If the bite has broken the skin, you should seek immediate medical attention after cleaning the wound.

Do not delay seeking help until symptoms of infection appear.

Minor bites can be treated at your GP surgery, or by staff at your local walk-in centre or minor injuries unit.

For particularly severe bites, visit your local A&E department.

The healthcare professional treating you may:

clean the wound and remove any damaged tissue
prescribe a course of antibiotics to prevent infection
recommend specific treatment to prevent infections such as tetanus if you're felt to be at risk
close the wound with stitches if the risk of infection is thought to be low – high-risk wounds will usually be left open as this means they're easier to keep clean
arrange blood tests to check for infection, or an X-ray to check for any damage to your bones and see if there's anything embedded in your wound, such as a tooth
refer you for an assessment by a specialist if the bite penetrated a joint or there's severe damage, such as damage to bones or nerves – surgery may be needed in these cases
if you're bitten by a person with hepatitis or HIV, there's a tiny chance of the infection spreading if the bite is contaminated with blood, so you may be offered treatment to stop you becoming infected
When you return home, watch out for signs of a possible infection.^

Is your DC in the nursery everyday? It's possible the 'biter' isn't. Could you change days? Just an idea. I did this many years ago to avoid a frequent 'pusher'. I didn't have the option of another nursery. Or could you switch to a child minder?

What more do you expect them to do?

@EmeraldShamrock you said you ‘used pain’ to show him not to hit. If you didn’t mean that you could have just said I told him that hitting hurts.
And in the previous sentence you said he was luck he wasn’t a 70s or 80s child as he would have got bit back, with no sense that you thought this would be wrong.
Great that you didn’t snack your child. Your post wasn’t clear.