Another toddler attacked and bit my child's face

[nova99]

Dd attends a local nursery and she came home today with a huge dark red bite mark covering half her cheek. Nursery called me in the afternoon to tell me this had happened. However when I went to collect her she had a the huge (very swollen) bite mark, a scratch on her head, a bloody scratch on her chin and a deep scratch that looks like it had been bleeding in the other side of her face with lots of little scratches around it.
She looks like she's been mauled and I'm absolutely horrified.
Nursery staff told me that another child had done this to her. However they said they could hear her crying and went to find her hiding in her sleep area and saw the marks. They were apologetic, said the child in question had bitten other children that day and they will be talking to the child's parents.
It just doesn't feel like enough. She's only just turned 2. She's a quiet, delicate little thing which makes this all the more heartbreaking.

I'm so angry. It's not like a few little scratches. I'll need to take her to the doctor for the scratch and the bite alone. She complained of pain in her cheek so I gave her calpol.

What can I even do? Who can I even complain to? I know kids rough and tumble but honestly this is something else

@WoWsers16

Can I also say- yes children can bite - but there is a difference of biting on the arm - and biting on the face in my opinion. Biting on the face i feel shows more intent for harm x

The child was 2, don't be ridiculous.

There was a biter at our toddler group. For the safety of the other children, he was dismissed.

Sorry just re read and see that the nursery staff found your DC hiding in a corner. Even worse IMO that they admitted the biter managed to bite multiple other DC as well and they allowed it to keep on happening. After the first time, the biter shouldn’t have been given the opportunity to do it again. I definitely wouldn’t have much confidence in the nursery after this.

OP I am so sorry for your daughter and poor you too! Yes some children bite but this is so far past a simple bite which would still ve bad it's ridiculous. I agree with other posters one on one or exclusion. No child should be mauled and it brushed off as oh well totally normal behavior for toddlers. This was way beyond!

Don't the staff at these places, keep a close eye on the small children at all times, and especially the ones who have a tendency to attack other children.

I feel so sad for your little one I really do. I can actually remember being terrified at nursery as a 3 year old and trying to hide from the rough older children. I'm sure she'd be better off in a gentler environment with a childminder.

@CasaBonita

I think you need reassurance from the nursery that they will keep a very close eye on this child. Tell them that.

I mean really, what is the point in them having a word with the parents?! It's not as if they can reason with their toddler is it?

My exact thoughts

My DD was both bitten and bit at nursery not regularly, but it happened. Nursery spent time identifying the cause there can be several. My DD was 15months old when she bit and she was frustrated as she didn't have enough words to communicate what she wanted to say. Having identified frustration and the types of situation that lead to this she was never allowed to get into a situation where she became frustrated.
Shortly after this nursery introduced baby signing that really helped to reduce frustration (one of the most common causes of biting).
I do think that the Op who implied this never happens when parents are in charge is wrong I have a friend with 3 children and a forces husband. He was on tour she nipped to the loo and when she got back one child had bitten another badly on the face. The biter was upset about Daddy being away and couldn't put the feelings into words so bit.
Nursery should be telling you what management they are putting into place to prevent it from happening.

I’m shocked at how people are minimising this behaviour. I would be asking the nursery what extra steps were being put in place to ensure the biter was being better monitored, particularly as they had done it more than once that day. The fact that no one saw this happen is very worrying.

A toddler gets bitten by another toddler at nursery in a seemingly one-off incident and we’ve got talk of assault, attack, trauma, threats of legal action, cctv, exclusion, paediatric plastic surgeons and child psychologists.

I mean this is a bit much I'm not going to lie. My sister owns a nursery and this type of behaviour crops up at 2, and just needs to be handled. I wonder how many of you who are going OTT on this were biters, maybe have a chat with your parents ? You maybe surprised 😏

The issue is the "defendant" 🙄 went on a biting spree that day and wasn't stopped from biting two kids in one day. Which means he/she wasn't being watched properly which is the crux of the problem.

OP - Speak to nursery about what measures they will put in place to make sure it won't happen again. They should be doing one on one with this child and monitoring him closely until they are past this phase, incident forms need to be signed and should be put on the child's file. Take to GP to get it looked at. Give little one a cuddle and calpol

But the rest of the suggestions are not only just mad. Like actual bonkers, but both the police and judges/lawyers would laugh you out out on the street as soon as you mention the defendant being two trying to prosecute a two year old for biting 🤣🤣🤣. You will look as mad as a hatter, having lawyers in the family I should know.
Either some of you are trolling or sniffing glue with this mad responses but thanks for the laugh 😂

@candlelightsatdawn

A toddler gets bitten by another toddler at nursery in a seemingly one-off incident and we’ve got talk of assault, attack, trauma, threats of legal action, cctv, exclusion, paediatric plastic surgeons and child psychologists.

I mean this is a bit much I'm not going to lie. My sister owns a nursery and this type of behaviour crops up at 2, and just needs to be handled. I wonder how many of you who are going OTT on this were biters, maybe have a chat with your parents ? You maybe surprised 😏

The issue is the "defendant" 🙄 went on a biting spree that day and wasn't stopped from biting two kids in one day. Which means he/she wasn't being watched properly which is the crux of the problem.

OP - Speak to nursery about what measures they will put in place to make sure it won't happen again. They should be doing one on one with this child and monitoring him closely until they are past this phase, incident forms need to be signed and should be put on the child's file. Take to GP to get it looked at. Give little one a cuddle and calpol

But the rest of the suggestions are not only just mad. Like actual bonkers, but both the police and judges/lawyers would laugh you out out on the street as soon as you mention the defendant being two trying to prosecute a two year old for biting 🤣🤣🤣. You will look as mad as a hatter, having lawyers in the family I should know.
Either some of you are trolling or sniffing glue with this mad responses but thanks for the laugh 😂

Most sensible post on this entire thread!

Toddlers often bite. There will be a reason. It's the adults job to find out what that reason is and help the toddler stop.
The reason could be frustration, lack of language to express themselves, teething pain, sensory needs etc.
Rarely does it need a paediatric psychologist to figure it out!

The nursery need to speak with the parents and work out the triggers, then address them.
Talk of solicitors, legal action, exclusion etc is so over the top.
OP , I know you will feel angry and worried about your dd, but give the nursery the chance to help.this child to stop, for the benefit of all the children.

If the child had already bitten other children that day he should have been supervised 1-1 if the nursery do not have the staffing his place should be withdrawn. It’s not your child’s responsibility to be cannon fodder for another child learning how to not bite. You can make a complaint to offstead.

This thread is absolute madness. The biter was two. Two. Two years old. Two year olds bite. Not all of them, maybe not even many of them, but some of them do. It does not mean they’re autistic. The poster who said that also seemed to be labouring under the misapprehension that as soon as a child ticks over into two, they should become reasonable and in control of themselves. 🙄

Anyway, among all the talk of maxillo-facial reconstruction, the ever increasing description of the injuries and police involvement (!), the real issue, that no one at the nursery saw it happen and only found her hiding, has been missed.

My daughter went through a horrible, long biting phase when she was 18 months. She was really biting kids at nursery, soft play…..I couldn’t leave her for a second. It was awful and I dealt with it in the way all the professionals tell you to deal with it, apologised to ‘victims’ parents, took her out of nursery.

She’s now 11, the most gentle, sensitive, caring girl I could ask for. It was a horrid 3 month biting phase that didn’t reflect who she was at all.

I don't understand why they weren't watching the other child like a hawk as soon as he had bitten for the first time, let alone the second (or however many other children he bit)

If they couldn't supervise him properly is parents should have been called to take him home

I'm surprised so many people are saying it's just one of things that happens. Maybe biting kids is "just one of those things" (although this sounds more than a quick nip with teeth) but poor supervision isn't "just one of those things"

I hope your dd recovers soon

It does happen.

My oldest DD at 4 put a member of staff on antibiotics due to a severe bite, fortunately she wasn't a frequent biter and never bit another child but I was still devastated.

My youngest DS started school Sept and has been bit twice by two different children. I 100% get it but it's still heartbreaking seeing a young child trying to process why someone would bite them.

Nursery should be supervising fully now it's a known issue.

cks.nice.org.uk/topics/bites-human-animal/

If the skin is broken it need to be assessed by a nurse or doctor today

@Tiddlypompadour

This thread is absolute madness. The biter was two. Two. Two years old. Two year olds bite. Not all of them, maybe not even many of them, but some of them do. It does not mean they’re autistic. The poster who said that also seemed to be labouring under the misapprehension that as soon as a child ticks over into two, they should become reasonable and in control of themselves. 🙄

Anyway, among all the talk of maxillo-facial reconstruction, the ever increasing description of the injuries and police involvement (!), the real issue, that no one at the nursery saw it happen and only found her hiding, has been missed.

This. I feel like I've fallen into a parallel universe. And no, my child never bit (and he has been bitten).

I laughed out loud at the post that suggested involving the police.

@WoWsers16

The same happened to my child - he got bitten and it was a terrible bite- I could basically see the child's dental print on my boys cheek (even 3 hours after it happened). They even said it was the worse they've ever seen. I was in shock when I saw it- the preschool hadn't rang me but caught me before I picked him up. I told them that I totally understood it was not the preschools fault and that you can't watch children all the time- however when I got home it hit me more. My husband rang up and wasn't so considerate- he wanted to know what actions were going to be taken to keep our boy safe. He threatened ofsted and criminal police action (he was really angry!) It turns out this child had bitten someone else that day (I found out through a friend) so then I rang the preschool and voiced my concerns that my boy got bitten after the first bite. This child now has a staff rota to have 1-1 as well as getting someone coming to observe her. Parents are involved. I have figured out which child it is. Unfortunately they can't expel the child. I have said if it happens again and they don't do something like change her day so she's not with my boy then I will take my boy out- which won't be fair as he is the innocent party. We didn't take him to the doctors as it didn't break the skin. X

I’m shocked how may posters say that these things happen and are implying you should get a grip.

IMO the husbands reaction above is more along the lines of what I’d do (obviously wanting to call the police is absolutely ridiculous too)

Your poor daughter. I’d want a meeting with nursery to hear how they’re planning to do deal with this.

FWIW, one of my DCs once bit their best friend in the thumb when they were two (also in nursery). It was one snap and of course they took it extremely seriously and we did too. It never happened again.

@LiberteEgaliteBeyonce

Those suggesting the exclusion of a child because they bite should try to have a biting child. Because my child bit, I should have quit my job and looked after him at home (no I didn't have family to look after him nor could I afford a nanny). Ok then. Should we also exclude kids who hit others? Ridiculous

I'd be mortified if my child was biting others and would be taking them out myself. Time off work? Leave my job till my child stops this behaviour? Whatever it took.

I'd want reassurance that they were watching that child more closely but to be honest, I've been bitten by a child I was holding and paying full attention to - there was no warning.

I've been lucky neither of my children have been biters but they have been bitten. I've been happy with reassurances that they'll watch the biter more closely. If this was a one off in regards to concerns you've had about your child and that you are otherwise happy in the nursery I wouldn't be doing more. It's unrealistic to expect that nursery will be watching each child constantly and closely enough to intervene before anything can happen 100% of the time.

I'd be mortified if my child was biting others and would be taking them out myself. Time off work? Leave my job till my child stops this behaviour? Whatever it took.

Sorry, but I don't believe you that you'd quit your job because your two year old bit another child. Or maybe I don't believe you have a job. I'm imagining the meeting at the Jobcentre now 'and why you are claiming universal credit?' 'oh, my toddler bit another child so naturally I gave up work immediately, plunging the family into poverty'

@WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor

If the child had already bitten other children that day he should have been supervised 1-1 if the nursery do not have the staffing his place should be withdrawn. It’s not your child’s responsibility to be cannon fodder for another child learning how to not bite. You can make a complaint to offstead.

This is spot on

My concerns would be with the nursery.

• how did they not see or hear the bite had happened?
• was the sleep room where the bite happened? Or did dd run there to hide. If the biter was sleeping it may explain why he wasn't being watched closely.

-what is the plan to protect your dd from being bitten?

Toddlers bite, I wouldn't focus on the biter but on the actions of the nursery and what they were going to put in place to ensure it didn't happen again.

I would definitely take dd to the doctor if she had injuries like that.