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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another toddler attacked and bit my child's face

320 replies

nova99 · 05/11/2021 22:42

Dd attends a local nursery and she came home today with a huge dark red bite mark covering half her cheek. Nursery called me in the afternoon to tell me this had happened. However when I went to collect her she had a the huge (very swollen) bite mark, a scratch on her head, a bloody scratch on her chin and a deep scratch that looks like it had been bleeding in the other side of her face with lots of little scratches around it.
She looks like she's been mauled and I'm absolutely horrified.
Nursery staff told me that another child had done this to her. However they said they could hear her crying and went to find her hiding in her sleep area and saw the marks. They were apologetic, said the child in question had bitten other children that day and they will be talking to the child's parents.
It just doesn't feel like enough. She's only just turned 2. She's a quiet, delicate little thing which makes this all the more heartbreaking.

I'm so angry. It's not like a few little scratches. I'll need to take her to the doctor for the scratch and the bite alone. She complained of pain in her cheek so I gave her calpol.

What can I even do? Who can I even complain to? I know kids rough and tumble but honestly this is something else Sad

OP posts:
ldfdyjxzyjkv · 05/11/2021 23:22

It is a private nursery there will be terms about behaviour that will enable them to withdraw the service.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/11/2021 23:22

@PickAChew

The other toddler is probably only 2, too. Your complaint should be to the nursery for lack of supervision.
She’s clearly said it is. What’s your point?
Molehillfromamountain · 05/11/2021 23:24

I'm sorry this happened OP. Hope your little one recovers quickly.

My DS was bitten on the cheek by a toddler when he was just a few months old. I was so upset, it looked awful and I remember crying all afternoon.

I would question whether the nursery was providing adequate supervision for a prolonged attack to occur. If he is known to bite he should have a 1-1 following.

The toddler that hurt my DS didn't mean to do it, he was small and learning boundaries so I can't blame him. I imagine his parents are mortified, especially if he has bitten other children too.

Original poster
nova99 · 05/11/2021 23:24

@Blueeyedgirl21 this is what I'm thinking. It wasn't a quick nip or scratch of frustration. There must of been real purchase behind it to inflict the level of injury.

I think to be honest I'm going to draft an email with my concerns and get them to reply in writing. They have been sketchy from the start not telling me about the the other cheek and then saying they didn't actually see the incident.

I'll use some of the questions pp have asked, such as why did no one hear her cry when this kid was biting her? Was she bitten first or had other children been bitten and nothing done so my child attacked

OP posts:
PickAChew · 05/11/2021 23:25

@AnneLovesGilbert and why are you singling out my comment to take issue with? It's hardly controversial but a 2 year old who has been on a bit of a spree, that day, needs individual attention.

IWishToAnswerInTheAffirmative · 05/11/2021 23:25

I feel for you. I get that it happens but I’d be sick if this was one of mine. Neither of mine were biters. I don’t really know what the solution is but I’d be unhappy at the seeming lack of supervision at that age.

(Lol at the idea of calling the police though)

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/11/2021 23:25

Today 23:18 PickAChew

The other toddler is probably only 2, too. Your complaint should be to the nursery for lack of supervision.“

Neurotypical children should not be biting others at 2 years old.

MerryMarigold · 05/11/2021 23:26

All these people suggesting 1:1. So you think nursery should employ a member of staff to work with that one child, when he is paying no more than anyone else and doesn't get any extra funding (need to have quite serious special needs to get 1:1 funding). It's not going to happen

Most likely scenario is that one member of staff will keep closer eyes on him for a couple of days whilst the rest of the staff are stretched caring for all the other children. This is when more/ other accidents happen.

ldfdyjxzyjkv · 05/11/2021 23:27

[quote nova99]@Blueeyedgirl21 this is what I'm thinking. It wasn't a quick nip or scratch of frustration. There must of been real purchase behind it to inflict the level of injury.

I think to be honest I'm going to draft an email with my concerns and get them to reply in writing. They have been sketchy from the start not telling me about the the other cheek and then saying they didn't actually see the incident.

I'll use some of the questions pp have asked, such as why did no one hear her cry when this kid was biting her? Was she bitten first or had other children been bitten and nothing done so my child attacked [/quote]
I would also include the details of exactly what you were told today.

RAFHercules · 05/11/2021 23:28

I would actually get your child checked out by your doctor, bites can get infected and they may need antibiotics. I would also want it properly documenting in case they scat and you get questioned in the future.

LiberteEgaliteBeyonce · 05/11/2021 23:28

Those suggesting the exclusion of a child because they bite should try to have a biting child. Because my child bit, I should have quit my job and looked after him at home (no I didn't have family to look after him nor could I afford a nanny). Ok then. Should we also exclude kids who hit others?
Ridiculous

Hellcat7 · 05/11/2021 23:28

Bites, yes. Especially if they break the skin and bleed. A definite doctor job.

PickAChew · 05/11/2021 23:29

Fuck sake, of course they shouldn't but you don't dismiss it by sailing, oh, they've done it all the time today. You watch them like a hawk.

And there are many undiagnosed neuro diverse kids at that age.

IWishToAnswerInTheAffirmative · 05/11/2021 23:30

It’s not really ridiculous though. Your child was hurting other children. Who deserve to be able to go to nursery and not be bitten. I get that they are small, but describing it as ridiculous endears you to no one. What were you doing to address it?

Mbl1234 · 05/11/2021 23:30

Some awful comments here. I am sorry your poor child had to go through this. My child was bitten by another child at nursery too. It was a deep bite mark. The nursery had a meeting with the kid’s parents and worked on a plan to help the kid regulate his biting inclinations and kept an eye on him. They took this seriously. Never happened again. Ask to have a meeting with the nursery and ask them how they plan to prevent this again in the future. This is not ok.

BookFiend4Life · 05/11/2021 23:31

I'm not sure why they didnt see the whole thing, kids that age should never be alone of course??

Willyoujustbequiet · 05/11/2021 23:32

I too think some are minimising on here. If there is a pattern of behaviour then that child should be excluded. I'm sorry but it's not acceptable. Why should other children suffer.

BatshitBanshee · 05/11/2021 23:33

I'm so sorry OP, your lovely DD must be traumatized.

Anyone on this thread minimising this and claiming it as normal toddler behaviour is off their rocker. It wasnt a nip, your child was attacked. Personally I would be engaging with management to see their next steps in how they're going to safeguard your child and monitor the other child more closely. I would also be tempted to engage a legal representative as your child could have ongoing medical care due to the severity of the bite and also to decipher how the fuck your child was only found after she ran off crying.

And yes - you do go to a doctor after a bite like this, it broke the skin and it's swelling. Better to get ahead of a possible infection (because human teeth carry bacteria) than fight it after the fact.

Some daft fucking idiots on this thread.

Babyroobs · 05/11/2021 23:33

Oh gosh this has brought back terrible memories of my ds aged about 2.5 biting another child at a toddler group. fortunately I knew the other mum quite well and she was understanding. I was mortified, I left in tears.

Ledition · 05/11/2021 23:34

Not sure there's much you can do though, toddlers do bite each other

Only toddlers who aren't supervised properly do this repeatedly. It's bad supervision/management that allows this to happen. It is not and should not be considered normal just because some people are too useless to keep their toddlers/the toddlers in their care in check.

Larryyourwaiter · 05/11/2021 23:35

DD was in a room with a group who all turned 2 around the same time, it was a bloody nightmare. They spent 2 weeks biting each other and every night I had to sign an ‘injury form’ or a ‘incident form’. Staff were either annoyed you or apologetic. DD was also extremely pleased with herself telling me who had bitten her that day (staff wouldn’t say).
They actually stopped after 2 weeks thank god.

Babyroobs · 05/11/2021 23:35

@Babyroobs

Oh gosh this has brought back terrible memories of my ds aged about 2.5 biting another child at a toddler group. fortunately I knew the other mum quite well and she was understanding. I was mortified, I left in tears.
I should add he's 19 now and the most quiet , gentle lad ! He never bit another child, just that once.
Newtothis2017 · 05/11/2021 23:36

I can't believe some of the comments on here. Of course this isn't OK. Your dc shouldn't be coming home with bite marks. I had this with my middle dc and made them move my dc into the older room in creche. The staff were nervous she would get hurt by accident with the kids that were 3 and 4 but I would prefer that to coming home with bite marks. As it turned out she was perfectly happy with the older kids and there were no further problems. Definitely move your dc. I hope you and your dc are ok x

BatshitBanshee · 05/11/2021 23:36

@LiberteEgaliteBeyonce

Those suggesting the exclusion of a child because they bite should try to have a biting child. Because my child bit, I should have quit my job and looked after him at home (no I didn't have family to look after him nor could I afford a nanny). Ok then. Should we also exclude kids who hit others? Ridiculous
This isn't about you Beyonce. No one said you should stay home.

But other children have a right to not be bitten or hit in nursery. And that overrides your child's right to bite.

Stay home? No. Address it properly? Yes.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/11/2021 23:36

iberteEgaliteBeyonce

Those suggesting the exclusion of a child because they bite should try to have a biting child. Because my child bit, I should have quit my job and looked after him at home (no I didn't have family to look after him nor could I afford a nanny). Ok then. Should we also exclude kids who hit others?
Ridiculous“

So because of your personal circumstances other children ought just to be bitten/hit? Why do you think that’s okay?