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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have been offended by this in the play centre.

238 replies

spidermummy19 · 05/11/2021 18:54

Took DS to the play centre this afternoon. He wanted me to video him coming down a slide which I did. Straight away a member of staff came over and said “do you not know the rules?” I said “no sorry, what rules?” She said “you’re not allowed to take photos or videos of children in here” I apologised and told her I didn’t know that. I genuinely didn’t, I have never and wouldn’t have taken the video if there was another child near him. But there wasn’t, there were only roughly 4 other parents in the play centre and none of the other kids were anywhere near him. She then said “it’s the fact that you could be anyone” I was highly offended and was left to feel really uncomfortable after it.

OP posts:
Squeezita · 05/11/2021 22:15

@Squeezita Jesus Christ don’t I know itgrin Even holding my hands up and admitting I was being unreasonable for being offended still hasn’t stopped some of them😂

I know! They think ‘but you COULD be’ is a pithy response. 🤣

Just pity them and know that NONE of them would have liked being spoken to like that.

LittleDandelionClock · 05/11/2021 22:19

@spidermummy19 You know what to do next time you take your child somewhere similar? Make sure no-one's looking when you take a photo.

spidermummy19 · 05/11/2021 22:25

@LittleDandelionClock Grin

OP posts:
Hesma · 05/11/2021 22:26

It’s basic safeguarding and yes, you could have been anyone for all they knew

Italiandreams · 05/11/2021 22:36

It’s not a common rule as I and many other posters have never been anywhere that has it. Not saying no where has it but it’s certainly not common.

The problem with throwing around safeguarding is that it waters down the impact, yes certain people have to be careful with their children being seen which is why many schools have the rule. But it would be impossible to police everyone taking photos, would we say we can only take photos of children in our own homes? I understand it’s a business and they can make their own rules but in terms of safeguarding it’s really no different to the park of the beach and we don’t consider that a safeguarding risk.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 05/11/2021 22:49

[quote LittleDandelionClock]@spidermummy19 You know what to do next time you take your child somewhere similar? Make sure no-one's looking when you take a photo.[/quote]
Rather than adhering to a venue's policy? That a staff member is tasked with ensuring is adhered to?

Dutchesss · 05/11/2021 22:50

I'm sure she knew you were the parent if there were so few people in there. It sounds like she was just explaining the reason for the rule, no need to be offended.

LittleDandelionClock · 05/11/2021 23:20

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Rather than adhering to a venue's policy? That a staff member is tasked with ensuring is adhered to?

Yep.

ellyeth · 05/11/2021 23:32

I can understand the sensitivities around videoing children and I suppose it could be argued that another child could have come into shot while you were filming and/or it would be difficult to monitor if all parents did this.

However, I think the way you were told was extremely rude. It should be possible to quietly and politely inform parents in a friendly way that videoing is not allowed.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/11/2021 00:08

[quote LittleDandelionClock]@youvegottenminuteslynn

Rather than adhering to a venue's policy? That a staff member is tasked with ensuring is adhered to?

Yep.[/quote]
I mean... if you don't agree with the policy of a venue then don't aren't. And don't feel persecuted if someone basically explains the thinking behind the policy. Because it's keeping OP's kids safe too. Really odd reaction to be offended / put off. I would want such a venue to be vigilant rather than lax on this.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 06/11/2021 00:13

Then don't attend that was meant to say!

GreyhoundG1rl · 06/11/2021 00:13

[quote LittleDandelionClock]@spidermummy19 You know what to do next time you take your child somewhere similar? Make sure no-one's looking when you take a photo.[/quote]
Just why would you post something so utterly juvenile? 🙄

Meatshake · 06/11/2021 02:49

[quote LittleDandelionClock]@spidermummy19 You know what to do next time you take your child somewhere similar? Make sure no-one's looking when you take a photo.[/quote]
Correct answer 🤣

The fuck can't you take a picture of your kid in a soft play? Can you take a picture of your kid in an outdoor park? What's the difference? Do peados only bash one out to pictures of kids in socks? I don't get it.

SickAndTiredAgain · 06/11/2021 06:55

My child can only go to places like these if there's a blanket rule on photographs/videos for both of our safety.

I totally understand that, but can I ask what you do in public places, like a playground? I’m sure DD is running through the background of plenty of pics a parent has taken of their child.

fournonblondes · 06/11/2021 08:18

Well I would advise you nicely not to take to heart anything like this. Unfortunately, there is not such a thing as customer services and professionalism in most places anymore.

Evelyn52 · 06/11/2021 08:21

@spidermummy19

I’m more offended by the “you could be anyone” comment.
Well you could be anyone and she's responsible for the safety of the children in there. She shouldn't have said it aloud but she did the right thing. You should have used your common sense, you were in the wrong, you don't film or take pictures with other little ones present whether they were near you or not.
spidermummy19 · 06/11/2021 08:26

@Evelyn52 So I pretty much can’t take pictures of my kids anywhere other than in the house? Because 99% of the time there are going to be other children present where ever you go. Bit of a silly comment

OP posts:
Prattypatel · 06/11/2021 08:34

The memeber of staff was absolutely right:you could have been anybody.

Veryverycalmnow · 06/11/2021 08:39

I'd be well annoyed by that last comment. Unnecessary. I think it's fair enough to tell people not to take photos, but she clearly had no tact.

londonrach · 06/11/2021 08:42

It's a pretty standard rule and be in the terms and conditions they put in front of you when you entered..it might be on the wall if not given to you. Yabu.

WombatChocolate · 06/11/2021 08:57

There is a difference between a public park - outside space, and a venue you pay to go into.

There is no control over photo taking in the public park. Many parents these days are very aware of issues about photos (that some children have a past of being at risk and online photos can put them at further risk, or simply that paeodophiles can trawl the internet and choose any seemingly innocent photos of any children that they like the look of) and so CHOOSE not to take them in public places and certainly never post on the internet. They think it’s a sad fact if. Idern society, but they don’t fail against it and decide that their right to take photos tops safety issues.

Soft Play is a paid entry place. It IS possible to have some controls, and because of that, it becomes a safer place for children who have a background of abuse and need particular protection from photos which could be identifying, but also safer for all children too, as parents can know their kids won’t accidentally end up on the internet and accessed by an unsavoury stranger.

When people go to the park, if you like, they take their chances. They cannot guarantee their child won’t have their photos taken or it end up online. They could well slip into the background if a shot in a busy park. Most parents live with that risk and go to the park. Those for whom it’s a very real worry, can choose to avoid the park. However, because the Soft Play is a paid for entry and it’s an activity designed for small kids, further steps can be taken and are taken in a growing number of places, to ensure it’s extra safe, and even children at risk can go, and all parents can be there, feeling it’s a safe and controlled environment.

There are always trade offs with these things. We gain extra safety for our children and knowledge the chances that their photo is far less likely to end up online, with a predator getting off over it (even if we cannot understand how the effect of a small child playing fully clothed in the ball pit has that impact), but the loss is that we are not free to unthinkingly take pics of our kid whenever and wherever we like.

Some people decide this is an infringement of their liberty. They decide that they refuse to be told what to do and will just take photos anyway, because that’s what they want to do. There are people upthread who say exactly that….ignore the rule, they will do what they like where their kids are concerned. They aren’t willing to see the bigger picture beyond what they personally want. Most people feel sad about it, and wish the world wasn’t like this, but understand and comply. They find plenty of other lovely opportunities to take photos.

So this actually becomes a reflection of a bigger thing in society….whether we are willing and able to understand rules that we don’t always like or wish didn’t exist, and adjust our behaviour for the wider good, or whether we refuse to see that bigger picture and only think about what we want.

Sadly, every day, paedophiles do trawl the internet for pictures which have perfectly innocently been put online of children doing things, which seem totally non-sexual to most of us. They also go to places like schools, soft play places and youth groups, often with their own kids, S they can look at children. They look just like regular mums and dads and no-one knows who they are. DBS checks for employees help to stop those people working in places with kids, but it’s very hard to stop them visiting as paying guests. These photo policies just help to add an extra layer of protection.

gogohm · 06/11/2021 08:59

It's the rules, and yes you could be anyone. She's right you are wrong

WombatChocolate · 06/11/2021 09:06

Spider, yes you do need to think really carefully about taking photos outside your own house, if you’re going to post online, or not.

If you’re in a wooded area and it’s just you guys, of course it’s fine. It’s just being aware of other people around you. Any crowded area with other kids, runs the risk of other kids slipping into the background of the pic. Additionally, if it is the ‘norm’ for it to be somewhere that everyone is taking pics all the time, anyone who has any kind of risk factors, will just find they have to stay away.

Sadly Spider, the world we live in, is one where you do have to think very carefully about this stuff and we have to behave differently to previous generations of parents. Have you noticed in school newsletters etc, the first and surname of children is never given, so kids cannot be identified. There are rules and regulations about who can go into certain places, signing kids in and out, who can enter and when. It’s all coming from the same issues.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/11/2021 09:09

I wouldn’t be offended.

I agree that “Do you not know the rules“ is a bit of a rude way to speak to an adult

I don’t think “you could be anyone” is offensive, albeit a bit silly

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/11/2021 09:09

“Sorry we don’t allow videos in here” would do