Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have been offended by this in the play centre.

238 replies

spidermummy19 · 05/11/2021 18:54

Took DS to the play centre this afternoon. He wanted me to video him coming down a slide which I did. Straight away a member of staff came over and said “do you not know the rules?” I said “no sorry, what rules?” She said “you’re not allowed to take photos or videos of children in here” I apologised and told her I didn’t know that. I genuinely didn’t, I have never and wouldn’t have taken the video if there was another child near him. But there wasn’t, there were only roughly 4 other parents in the play centre and none of the other kids were anywhere near him. She then said “it’s the fact that you could be anyone” I was highly offended and was left to feel really uncomfortable after it.

OP posts:
Sofiegiraffe · 05/11/2021 19:28

I wouldn't have thought twice about taking a photo of my own child with no other child nearby at a soft play, OP. So I get it. And I'd also have been a bit Hmm at the "you could be anyone" comment. As a pp said, all it requires is a "it's our policy, sorry". No need for that insensitive comment IMO.

Magicalwoodlands · 05/11/2021 19:29

I’ll buck the trend, have taken loads of photos of DS at the park, soft play and and places where (gasp) there are other children. With him being a child, that is unsurprising!

GreyhoundG1rl · 05/11/2021 19:30

[quote spidermummy19]@GreyhoundG1rl the other children that were no where near him?[/quote]
At the time... He wasn't in a bubble, and she didn't know you would put your camera away if other children came into view?

Sportsnight · 05/11/2021 19:30

I’ve not come across this rule in (oh god) 8 years of going to soft play. So while it’s their rule, I don’t think it’s a common one, and given all the reasons others have said (clothed, accompanied children often 1-2-1 with a parent) it seems a bit unnecessary.

Sofiegiraffe · 05/11/2021 19:32

@Sportsnight

I’ve not come across this rule in (oh god) 8 years of going to soft play. So while it’s their rule, I don’t think it’s a common one, and given all the reasons others have said (clothed, accompanied children often 1-2-1 with a parent) it seems a bit unnecessary.

Agreed. I mean, if you wanted to, you could go to any outdoor park and take pictures couldn't you. So it's a silly rule, I agree.

Nitgel · 05/11/2021 19:32

Service with a smile. I do wonder why some people work with the public when they have zero customer service basic skills.

sunflowerstory · 05/11/2021 19:33

Presumably if there had been a random stranger taking photos of your child, you would have been grateful for the staff's intervention?

Weird thing to be "highly offended" about.

RunningScarabbed · 05/11/2021 19:35

Sounds like she's lacking in people skills. There are ways to tell people things that aren't rude and insulting, but some people just don't seem to understand, care, or bother.

(And when there are few children/parents in and it's obviously the parent, it does seem rather stupid to make a fuss over it!)

I've been in a situation (not a play centre) where several people took photos, and when they stepped back, I went to do the same and was reprimanded. I guess it was okay for the others but not me. Hmm Sometimes a very little power goes to people's heads.

imisscashmere · 05/11/2021 19:35

Sorry what does “you could be anyone” mean?

Surely to get in you need to be a parent or guardian with a child?

TeeTotaller1 · 05/11/2021 19:35

You COULD be anyone tho
I'm sure if someone was videoing your child you'd probably say something to them?
She was just doing her job, even though she was abrupt, you might have been the 15th person that she had to tell, and it's on you to feel the way you do
Let it go over your head
Lesson learnt and you'll know for next time 🤷‍♀️

spidermummy19 · 05/11/2021 19:35

@sunflowerstory completely different situation.

OP posts:
whistleryukon · 05/11/2021 19:36

@spidermummy19

I’m more offended by the “you could be anyone” comment.
Well, you could.
musicviking1 · 05/11/2021 19:37

If I want to take a photo of my child I'm taking it.

Sudokuzebra · 05/11/2021 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rosesareyellow · 05/11/2021 19:38

Sorry what does “you could be anyone” mean?

Indeed. I’d be tempted to ask if they let in ‘anyone’ Confused

malin52 · 05/11/2021 19:38

Oh FFS. 'Offended'. Get a grip.

"You could be anyone" is a way of saying they have a blanket rule because abusers don't go around with big signs over their head

xxxGirlCrushxxx · 05/11/2021 19:39

@Nitgel

Service with a smile. I do wonder why some people work with the public when they have zero customer service basic skills.
well how do you know she wasn't smiling?
Magicalwoodlands · 05/11/2021 19:40

Taking photographs in a soft play centre is not a child protection issue and it does nothing to make children safer.

I hate this daft approach to what safeguarding actually means.

spidermummy19 · 05/11/2021 19:40

@malin52 I’ve been waiting for the “get a grip” commentGrin As I said on the previous page, I get it now but thanksSmile

OP posts:
WombatChocolate · 05/11/2021 19:41

It was you being overly sensitive that made you feel like a paedo, not what she said.

No-one on here is saying you’re stupid. Again you’re being overly sensitive by taking it like that.

Outside public spaces have no controls and no-one to police them, so there aren’t specific enforceable rules. Lots of parents would be very aware though, not to ever take pictures of another child, or to not give any suggestion that they are. It’s a sad world, but these rules and norms have developed for a reason - to protect children. This doesn’t mean anyone is suggesting you are up to anything dodgy….but the clear point is that no-one knows who is and who isn’t. Even people who are out with their own little kid who calls them mummy, have been known to do despicable and terrible things. And no-one can tell whether you are one of those people or not..no-one knows, so everyone needs to support the rules, and also understand the reason they are there.

You can be sniffy and offended and see it as a personal affront and questioning of your character. That’s being hyper sensitive and struggling to understand the bigger picture, whilst only thinking about your own scenario. Perhaps you’ve been very sheltered or not had much to do with kids and aren’t aware of some of the horrible things that happen, or steps that have developed to protect kids. It’s good to become aware of those things though and when you do find out, you can just say
‘Thanks for telling me. I genuinely didn’t know that’
That would be a good response both spoken out loud but also in your heart.

As others say, they’re glad this staff member took it seriously and spoke to you…not to make you feel bad or offended….it was you who responded like that..but because it helps safeguard ALL the children, including your own too. That’s a good thing. Most people have a strong sense of that.

You’ll find lots of things like this, that you are and aren’t allowed to do, regarding photos, using names of children, stuff to do with social media. When your child is at school, the school will speak to you about all kinds of things. Some of them, your first thought might be that they are being rude or whatever it is is unnecessary. But just step back first before instantly reacting in a defensive way. Because she you’re defensive about stuff like this, your kids see it too…and they can become like it too….the kind of kids who can never bear to be spoken to about something, or who decide no-one has a right to speak to them or tell them off, or who are overly touchy. You want your child to be robust and to be able to move on from little things….and you have to model it yourself.

Popopopo · 05/11/2021 19:41

I see people taking pictures of their kids at our local soft plays all the time Confused she was rude. And I'm saying that as someone who works in customer service.

Sudokuzebra · 05/11/2021 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bellfor · 05/11/2021 19:45

@spidermummy19

I’m more offended by the “you could be anyone” comment.

Why? You could be anyone! Do you really think the staff can match all the children to parents when they only see them together for 30seconds as they enter?

GertietheGherkin · 05/11/2021 19:47

I have a lot of children, and have been into an awful lot of Soft Play centres over the years, some local, others further afield and some on holiday. I have never, ever seen anything about photography/videos not being permitted in any of them.
There's always parents taking photographs/ videos of their kids.

So this rule must only be in random places.

WombatChocolate · 05/11/2021 19:48

Sudo, but paedophiles ARE known to have photos of fully clothed children in these kind of places and they DO get off on it. It happens.

And regarding ‘letting anyone in’…..how in earth can anyone say exactly who everyone else in a public entry activity like soft play is? The people on the door absolutely don’t know who people are. They don’t do ID checks (and I’m not suggesting they do) and they don’t know if the people are parents or carers or whatever. More importantly, they don’t know if any of those people is on the DBS list for any kind of concerning activity in the past. Just because someone has a small child with them, is a woman and looks like a nice mummy with a changing bag and bottle of juice, does not mean she cannot also be someone who is a danger to children. The chances are very low, but not so low as to be possible to ignore.

I find the dismissing of the comments by the staff member, suggestion that those who are a danger to children must somehow look obvious and wouldn’t be let in anyway, and lack of awareness that paedophiles use more than the most obvious abusive images of children actually quite concerning. We all want our children protected and it relies on others and not just us as parents. Being dismissive, or jovial about these matters or all these things and then offended too, is worrying.